15 years of marriage, 3 kids... but i cannot stand him to use me any longer: i am a free worker for his business, housewife and... no appreciation. He is not here when we need him. What's the point to continue "relatinship"? For his success? Or becuase it is 15 years already?
2007-04-18 23:02:09 · 22 answers · asked by Everona97 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Divorce is never the only option. There is always murder, staging your own death, the witness protection program, or booze and drugs. But, divorce sometimes is the only reasonable option. I have to say that while it certainly sounds as though you do have some major issues with your marriage, it seems that it's more that your husband is a man. You are with a guy who's in his 40s. He's dealing with his own issues, problems, and insecurities. It may well be that he loves you, but he's just over involved with your business(yes, the business is both of yours) and is just being a typical, insensitive, guy. You feel he's "using" you. But, in truth, isn't he putting in a heck of a lot of hours on his business, and it probably occupies his mind day and night? He is behaving like a typical businessman. Great at his business, clueless about everything else. You also have 3 kids approaching their teens. That is ALWAYS a great source of stress. Perhaps your husband has just forgotten the point of marriage, and is in effect, cheating on you with the business. Before you give up on your marriage, FIGHT. I doubt you'd allow some trampy woman to destroy your marriage, so it's silly to allow a business to wreck your marriage. Fixing your marriage will take a LOT of work, and lot of pain. Divorce is easier. But, you guys did love each other didn't you? Ending your marriage wouldn't be the end of the world, and perhaps it should end. But, until you can honestly say that you don't love him, it is wrong to give up. You need to get your husband on your team. Yup, the fix marriage team. So, how do you do that? Lady, you know the guy. Talk to him. NO, talking again will do nothing. You need to TALK. He has to SEE. He has to UNDERSTAND. And, no, you can't use a ball bat to get his attention. A divorce is easy. Do you have the guts to do the hard thing? I truly wish you luck. I hope you guys grow old together.
2007-04-19 00:09:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 20 years of marriage where he was never there when I needed him, I woke up one day and decided that today was the day that I wanted out. When I told him I wanted a divorce he said "OK I wont contest it" and then I really knew. I also have three kids but though it is daunting it is the best thing I ever did. In the end when I came home and saw his car there I wanted to turn around again rather than face that silence and all those arguments. By the way he really was devastated but wouldnt show it.
Do what you feel and dont waste any more time with this man if you think you have exhausted all possibility of councelling and talking etc. You will know in your heart if you can carry on or if it's the end.
PS 5 years on very happily married to a great guy, kids are fine.
Good Luck!
2007-04-18 23:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Always an option but it shouldn't be the first option-if you truly loved the person to begin with then you owe the marriage a chance to reconcile. I think it's horrible to stay together simply for the children-especially if you fight and carry on all the time or there is abuse involved-I've seen this destroy many children because that is a worse trauma to go through then any divorce could ever be.
2016-05-18 22:04:58 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to know if divorce is the only option is if you have tried everything to save that marriage and realize that nothing is working, because you do not love eachother.
It's really sad, because you have 3 children, but what are these children watching, while they're growing up? Are they watching this man disrespect you? Is he also treating the children with disrespect. If that's the case, THEN GET RID OF HIM. He obviously has no idea how to be a husband, or father. He sounds incredibly selfish and that is not what marriage is all about. You have to make your partner happy, not yourself!
All you can do right now is get your power to tell him, if this is the way that he wants to live his life and only think of himself, then he doesn't love you, or the children. That you are willing to fix the problem and save your marriage, but if he isn't and he doesn't want to earn back your respect, then you made up your mind and your filing for divorce. That you are no longer going to live your life this way! Good Luck.
2007-04-18 23:37:03 · answer #4 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this case divorce is not always the only option hon. Seek counseling and help for you and this marriage before seeking to get out and divorce. You have 15 years invested into this marriage and relationship and that is something that should not just be thrown away. Talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling and try making a go of this marriage if at all possible before giving up!
2007-04-18 23:28:16 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whether it's 1 or 15 years relationship- if the good times have been lost and had genuinely tried to save it but in vain, it's time to have a second look and make a mutual decision rather than stay being married and say nothing good of each other anymore but all your decisions should be in the best interest of the kids.
However, don't you think 15 years of married life isn't worth saving?afterall you've gone this far. but then again, 15 years meant nothing if you aren't happy.
You decide. follow what your inner self has been screaming!! sometimes detours are just awakenings and those who wants to repent and stay in a good relationship will see light and change isn't hard to achieve when one voluntarily seeks for it. May be your next bold step will allow the other party to see what he has been missing in his life.
2007-04-18 23:28:26 · answer #6 · answered by jables 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it is clear to me that you are unhappy, when every option has failed, counseling, talking to him, or trying to talk to him etc., then you know it is time.
You are not unhappy, your children are not happy, so I think this would be a good time to think about your options, I know when my parents were having marital troubles, it was hard and a bad divorce, but as my sister and I got older we saw how happy our parents were with this choice, our parents loved us, but they just did not love eachother anymore.
Let your children know that no matter what happens, you and your husband will always love and be there for your children, it is so vital and important that they know that, and when they do then they will understand the reason behind what you and your husband had to do.
It is tough, but you and your husband have to be happy!
And your children deserve to be happy also!
A lot of people I know, stay in their marriages just to rack up the years of marriage so they can brag to their friends on how long they have been married, and that is not right!
Marriage is not a contest of how many years two people that are supposed to love eachother have been married.
Marriage is a vow made before God, and if you are unhappy, and so is your spouse, then God just wants you to be happy and not miserable, God loves you no matter what!
He knows there is someone else out there for you, and he knows the pain you are going through! God wants you to be happy, and your children to be happy!
Things happen for a reason sweetie!
2007-04-18 23:26:46 · answer #7 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl tell me your secret ive been with this as**** only 5 yrs and im already to put out the shot gun lol you are strong maybe you need to hire cheaters to make sure he`s being faithful because for a man to never be there when u need him something smells fishy and just like momma said when a man wont come home best believe it`s not the sportsbar up the street thats keeping him i think u need to look into that a little more girl and God Bless...................
2007-04-18 23:25:30 · answer #8 · answered by MISS MUHAMMAD 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's the only option after realizing you're tired of the abuse (in whatever form) and want to make a change for the better. If he's not willing to 'change' with you, then you owe it to yourself to do it on your own.
15 years is a long time, but not an excuse for him to take for granted.
Good luck to you and I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
2007-04-18 23:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by Bobbie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have always heard that you know when you don't love someone anymore is when you just don't care. The opposite of love isn't hate (because that is a strong emotion just like love is) it's indifference. When you feel this way torwards your husband, maybe you should consider divorce.
2007-04-19 00:07:58 · answer #10 · answered by abby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋