how do i forgive, and forget.?

Question

my wife had an affair starting last sept till end of nov- i found out in dec. we have been married 25 years this month 23rd aprill . she is trying realy hard she said it was a mistake her head was messed up and realy regreted it ,and has no contact with the other bloke, she gave her job up where she met other bloke. but i cant put it behind me every day i mention something about it or ask the same questions ive asked 100 times and she has answered them and been truthfull with the answers .but she now refuses to answer as she has given me the answers 100 times .she now wont talk about it and says she needs to forget and put it behind her,but i cant i have to bring it up ,and this upsets her she says were suposed to be putting it behind us .I still get images of her and him making love and find it hard to let it go.I know she is right ,but i cant put it behind me (she got very depressed last week and took an over dose of tablets and had to be taken to hospital) how do i stop.

Answer 1

I really feel for you. It`s really hard to forgive and forget, but your going to have to decide what it is you want and stick to that decision. I`ve been in your shoes and its very difficult, but it can be done. Start anew on your anniversary and move forward. Stop dwelling in the past. She made a mistake and regrets it, so put it behind you!

Answer 2

I think you are sort of getting out of control here. In my view it is almost impossible to forget and things will be much easier if you learn to forgive. Sometimes people do stupid mistakes like that which they regret very much later. But it is a huge step if they admit to that mistake and has been truthful ever since.

You have committed a crime almost as same as she has by dragging her into the deep hole and killing her feelings over and over again. Clearly, she has and is trying very hard to make it all up to you and now it is your turn to help patch things up.

Ask her for forgiveness for what you put her thru as well. Work together to overcome the situation……… don’t make her suffer and you suffer going thru the same painful questions, in a way you know you are doing that to keep hurting her even though you feel it is for your reassurance. It is not gonna help things up!!

Let it go……… start a whole new beginning on the 23rd!!!!

Answer 3

Who I am does not matter,but I want you to know that time can only heal what your going through. When a woman end up having an affair, we face it,regret it,and the guilt stays with us. I do not know what went wrong with the two of you and why she end up looking for some affection from another man. I know that this in not funny at all, but you mentioned the month that your wife had an affair, mine was also last year but it was October and November.
I caught his affair for a lot of reason and he met this married woman on a dating site. I was devastated and to make it worst we have 3 teenagers that look up to him and love him dearly. For the first time my kids holiday was ruined and that was and is the anger that I have for him. It wasn't my feelings that's important but my kids. Like your wife he tried to talk to me about it,but it was me that always asked him the question of why he did it. Yes I have some idea of how many times you asked your wife and keep on repeating it,but he also keep on telling me that he done it,he was sorry about it and we all must go forward. It wasn't that easy for me because I didn't do anything wrong as well as my kids. It's not sex that drove him there nor my unconditional love, but he did.
One day the two of us will forgive them but we will not forget because of the betrayal and trust. I didn't take my husband back even though that he keep on asking for another chance, but you must try to let it go even though that it's very hard right now. woman do not take guilt well that is why she try to hurt herself. If you still love her, do help her to face the guilt that she created and maybe if you can the two of you can work it out and by helping her you will also help yourself.
Be strong and one day it will become a bad dream for you just like mine......

Answer 4

You will never forget! The pain runs too deep and the blind Trust may never return.
If you truly Love her ( I mean the Love that can only come from the Soul) Then you,in time, will learn to forgive her. If she is worth forgiving.
Remember, After a while she will be tired of saying I'm sorry and justifying herher self all the time. She will eventuly find some els that will accept her for the foulable person that she is.

Answer 5

Forgiveness is powerful bit I merely forgive and ill on no account act a similar around them my mom used to hit ne while i grew to become into 3 and that i do no longer have confidence her I do something in the back of her back so I merely forgive yet I additionally forget approximately!

Answer 6

It’s better for u both to leave separate for a while. U'll have time to relax and calm down, think better and she will have time to think about her big and stupid mistake.
And then when u meet again, every think will be clearer to u for sure.
We do mistakes without thinking wisely otherwise no mistakes would be in the world.
I know it hurts, it's very depressive situation for u and it's very difficult to forget or forgive. Some people never forgive. But if u love her and want to stay with her all ur life u have to make up ur mind, manage the most difficult situation in ur life wisely.
It's ur life and no one can advise u to divorce her. We can only effect to ur decision u make for all ur life.
If u decide forgive her u never remind her about the other guy /u push her back to him or to someone else/.
Think...if u can share the bed with her without suspicions or can't forgive her even in the bed with u, it's better to divorce, coz u'll start have fights all the time, u won't have trust for her anymore and it will be worse and worse for both of u.

I really wish u good luck!

Answer 7

Over time and with counseling you may be able to forgive her and to move on with things in your life and in your marriage. I suggest marriage counseling very strongly here. I think you are upsetting and hurting her by keeping on bringing the past up over and over again. You will need to let it go if at all possible to make this marriage work. She will never be able to forget it happened but she needs to heal and get past this with you over time. you need to work on getting past this together and making your marriage work and stronger in the process. She will also need to see a doctor and be put on medication for her depression as well. Forgiveness and letting go is a choice and not always a feeling and this will take time and healing for you to be able to do so. Forgiveness will be your first step towards healing though. You and your wife will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 8

Make up your mind. Do you want the women in your life or not? If you do start allowing yourself to forgive her, and quit ahrping on the past. If she had died from the overdose you would have hated yourself for the rest of your life. If you can't get past it, then it is time for separation.

I strongly suggest that you seek counseling with her. That marriage has lasted too long to throw it away that easily.

Answer 9

If you can't get past it you have to get away from it. It is really unhealthy to torture yourself and your wife over this ...and will just feed the pain. Maybe you need to decide if you can truly forgive because if you don't you will never be able to get past it. I would get counselling for yourself and as a couple.

Answer 10

Get more s#x.
Men are obsessive with s#x and the thoughts you are having is just another s#x obsession.
Get enough s#x and your thoughts will lesson.
If you are honest with your self, besides the hurt and/ or anger there is some stimulation.