I'm thinking about leaving my husband, but don't want these thoughts?Is that normal?

Question

We fight all the time. I think he is immature, selfish, and arrogant. But, I don't want to divorce bc he is a good guy and we have a baby. How can I get over this thought of leaving him?

Answer 1

try counseling...that might help both of you alot!

good luck!

Answer 2

i don't think it's a coincidence that u feel this way when u have a baby. having a baby changes everything about ur relationship. it's just one of those trials and it will take some getting used to. did u think he was immature, selfish and arrogant before u had the baby, or are all these feeling and the fighting recent? if he's always been this way, then i'm probably wrong, but if u've just been feeling this since the baby, than it's probably pretty normal, and u just have to find a way to communicate and get through it. one way that helped me get through it the most is paying attention to the things he did that made me happy, and i thought about why i loved him and how i wanted us to be a family. i could not imagine myself (nor did i want to) with anyone else, but i also felt like i deserved better. i think the only reason i really stayed is because i didn't want to just give up. i'm not sure really how it worked out...i think little by little i started feeling less animosity towards him and learned to deal with him better, and maybe he grew up a little too. he's still immature, selfish and arrogant at times, but he's the best man in the world and i'm glad i stuck with it. it gives me hope that we can make it through any trial we may face. if u love him, u'll work it out...don't give up hope!

Answer 3

It sounds like your options are limited at this point. The ball is in his court, and it seems he made his decision. If you think this is a wall he has put up by cutting you out of his life now, you may be right. Perhaps his self-esteem is so low he cannot handle the rejection he felt when you left. Maybe something traumatic happened as a child and he's afraid of becoming close(thus 6 wives). Hopefully he can get help, otherwise you need move on and find health and happiness. I don't think it's wrong that you left when you did. If he is mentally ill the situation could escalate and put you in harm's way.

Answer 4

Why of course my dear for this is a nightmare of a thought to a wife and a mother. It is a thought that has destroyed a lot and sometimes the people that even thought of it. The man you married the child that you had for him. It might break you or leaving him might make you as well as it works the other way as well.
No mother wants to take away a father from a child so sweetheart I understand and put a hand on your shoulder to give you support and also because of your strength. I would be one that would not be able to walk away from something to that I have prayed for and hoped for before I understood the ways of the world.
I would fight! I would fight against the odds against my married and fighting for love is something that not many people have done as well as a battle they have won. But I believe that you could do this because you love him and trust me although he behaves like a child he loves his own and the mother of his child. I think that you would be even more courageous to stand up and fight for the one that you love.
There is no marriage that is perfect everyone of them has bad times and that's why we use vows as through thick or thin. Marriage is a hard road no one said that it would be easy... I can promise you this the ending results of your fight if you put up a really good fight and your love is true as well as his you would win the war. It is not about the fight but the purpose of it. Give your child a promising and wonderful future...

Answer 5

This is how it works, sit yourself down and face yourself and your weaknesses. Instead of criticizing how immature, selfish and arrogant he is - just stop - don't focus on his character flaws. Focus on yours. What do you do in irritating him? What are you doing that really fuels his anger and pushes his buttons? Take responsibility for your end and this will take some time but he will most certainly notice and turn to you - with apologies and such and take responsibility for his own issues. You have to be a strong woman (emotionally stronger than the average man) to do this - but it is highly possible. You'll start to get feelings that you love him if you take action on loving him in the little things like referring to him such as "my love" in a sweet and kind way. Things like giving him a great big hug and not complaining about how your day went and how he's no help to you when he comes home at night. It's amazing what a little tweaking to your own life can do in changing his - because you can't change him. You can change YOU - he'll see how wonderful YOU are and he will want to change too. It really does work. Those thoughts of leaving him will change very quickly. Unless he's an abuser or a drug addict or something - which I would give you totally different input about. Start simply giving in on some things and overlooking some of the flaws. Amazing what a little change in yourself can do. Also, adding positive humor to your relationship can really help in the stressful times. Instead of screaming for help when baby makes a mess - simply laugh some things off. Baby creates alot of stress and most things are best - simply laughed off. Relax a bit - he'll relax too.

Answer 6

Get him help! He sounds like a very immature individual who needs a lesson in life. You could do yourself a world of good also by attending and being supportive: Go see a clergy or a therapist for your daughters sake, take the advice given from who ever you see as though you are to blame for the troubles also. Your daughter is the most important thing here so she needs both parents not just one on a part time basis. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Communication is the most important thing. However hard it may be you should talk to him about your feelings (use some tact though) its important to use statements that say "I feel like ... when this or that happens" try to stay away from using you statements so you don't put him on the defensive once someone is on the defensive the communication will become cyclical and there will be no progress. Love isn't always a feeling, sometimes it is a choice, A choice to make things work.

Answer 8

that you have to change your attitudes towards him. Don't look at him from his negative points, especially during fights. Cool down after a fight. Think of his goodpoints. Learn to forgive and forget~that's what keep the love and marriage going. Talk to him nicely and patiently if you think he is selfish, immature and arrogant. He can probably change.

Answer 9

you might want to try marriage counseling but if he doesnt go it wont help. and chances are if you feel that way now how will you feel in a couple yrs when it gets worse. only you can decide exactly what you want. and just cause you have a baby together doesnt mean its going to work and as the baby gets older it will be worse on the baby. Good Luck!

Answer 10

I was with someone for 14 yrs got divorced and now remarried for 6 yrs. I personally think those thoughts are normal. If you really truly love your husband and want it to work out, I think you should tell him nicely how you feel, ask him if he's willing to work on that with you and if he's sympathetic and caring to your feelings. If he's willing to work on this with you, that should prove he cares about you and loves you. Give it some time and see if you can work it out. If you really truly love him and want to stay together, do EVERYTHING in your power. You BOTH have to WANT to and be WILLING to spend time and effort to keep marriage happy for ALL!!! So, I ask you how bad do you want it? Do you want him to be more sympathetic to your needs. Tell him exactly how you feel and what you want and see what he's willing to do to make it better and how he feels about your relationship and his needs too. Love comes easy, but keeping those old flames burning and that "specialness" you share in the begining is the hard part!! Good luck!!!

Answer 11

i feel this way about my boyfriend already. Thats why i've been scared to get married. My man is immature, selfish, and arrogant as well. It gets irritating after a while.