Is it healthy to forgive an abusive parent and maintain contact with them as an adult?

Answer 1

I forgave my abusive father, but when I have contact with him (usually over the phone) it is awkward and probably always will be. I can tell you that it is very healthy for you to forgive. It's like a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. It's not condoning what they did to you, but saying you will forgive them in order to move on.

Answer 2

Forgiving an abusive parent is extremely healthy for the adult child.

Maintaining contact with them would depend on whether the relationship is healthy for you.

I do think that severing all ties to a parent that you love could cause its own kind of damage,, but if its necessary to do so for your own mental health,, its probably better to talk to a therapist about how to do so.

Answer 3

Yes, as long as you're healthy enough not to be affected by their abusive behavior any longer. You were not abused because there is something wrong with you. It was because there was something wrong within them and it was taken out on you. If their abuse can still affect you, it is best not to have contact, but forgiveness will set you free to heal from the previous abuse. An abuser doesn't decide that's what they want to be. Something is very wrong, broken, within them and they don't know how to deal with it in a positive way, or possibly, that it even exists. Forgive them for your sake, not theirs.

Answer 4

It is very healthy for you & your soul to forgive someone their sin(s) against you whether they ask for it or not. Life is too short to live it with hate.

But if you are talking about sexual or physical abuse, I would say that it isn't healthy to maintain contact with the abusing parent unless that parent admits their guilt & asks for forgiveness. I also believe that other family members, especially any who have children, be made aware of the abuse so that they can protect their children by not leaving them with him. Sometimes abusers must suffer the consequences of their actions so that they can be prevented from reliving them through others.

Answer 5

It is "healing" to forgive an abusive parent...
As far as maintaining contact with them, that would depend on the circumstances...
Is he providing lots of money, for things like college, or child-support, or helping you out of a bad financial situation, and at the same time showing true signs of becoming a better, non-abusive person who realizes the error of his ways?
Does he want to be a better person, or is he hopelessly trapped in an alcoholic or drug cycle that forever makes him abusive, and then temporarily remorseful and the abusive again?
If the first situation is true, then, yes, maintain contact...
If the second situation is true, phase him out of your life as smoothly as you can without being unnecessarily cruel. He's already in a Hell of his own making. No reason to pour more gasoline on the fire...
Sometimes "polite" non-contact is the best thing...

Answer 6

whether it was physical or emotional, abuse is something difficult to deal with both in the past and the present/future. It is alright to forgive someone if they truly mean it and you know this and are ready to try to get past the hurt and focus on the positive, but abuse is still not right, perhaps you may never forget but don't become too close to them because perhaps the sight of this person might cause you more pain than trying to move on with your own life, you could also go to counseling with this person

Answer 7

Hell no...they lost that right when they abused their child...a child is precious..did the parent think that it would be forgotten? If anything I believe that it is harder when you turn into an adult and have to deal with it! There are some things that can't be forgiven..I know we should because god teaches us forgiveness..but some things just cross the line of forgiveness.

Answer 8

It depends on the severity of the abuse and the type. I would at least stay in touch, and if they ask for forgiveness, it would be a healthy thing for your sake, to forgive!

Answer 9

It's healthy in the way that you are becoming the better person of the two, and you're moving on. It's never good to dwell in the past, and you should try to forget all past bad experiences because dwelling in the past will hurt you. It's always best to forgive and drop the weight of all the bad memories. If you want to maintain contact with them, that's to your discretion, but it is by no means a must.

Answer 10

I don't know if it's healthy or not, but I have done the very thing you're talking about. My mother was EXTREMELY abusive to me growing up. More verbally.......it's hard to explain, but think "a child called it"
Anyway, I've come to find out in my adult years that my mother had "borderline personality disorder". She is on medicine, and it has totally been worth the effort on my part.