what do you think?

Question

okay so here's the story. My husbands ex has a kid, he was with her when she was pregnant. They stayed together for about a year and a half after the kid was born. Then they split and we got together and had a kid together. I also had a kid with my ex. So this kid stays with it's grandparents and the mother goes out and partys all the time. My husband goes and picks the kid up every weekend. So him and his ex "hates" each other, but they still talk on the phone, and it's not about her kid. She calls and asks him stuff like can u fix my car? Do you need some boots? Telling him stuff like I need a big piece of WOOD. I've asked him to stop talking to her, cuz I'm not going to put up with this, But she still calls and he doesn't say anything, cuz he's afraid that she wont let him see the kid anymore. I don't know what to do, I love him so much but it makes me mad that they still talk. It's seriously making me sick, I've been to the hospital 2x cuz of panic attacks

Answer 1

I understand your concern. You fear that your H will get back with his ex, or maybe get her pregnant again or simply decide to drop you. So, you need to have a serious talk with him and be sure he understands your concerns. Does he honor your concerns? If he doesn't but he still claims to love you, then seriously consider couples therapy. A good therapist can work with both of you and help calm your fears and help him understand your concerns. It's important that you look into this because you're having serious trouble now. Don't let it get any worse.

Answer 2

I understand your situation, and the frustration that you must be feeling. You definitely have a valid point about her calling for non parenting related issues. I would not like it either.
My suggestion is that you really evaluate this relationship on the basis of love and happiness. I say this in respect for you, that you should not have to put up with her. But just ask yourself a question...Is it because you are afraid they will get back together? It is a frustrating situation I know.
Another suggestion would be that you build your self confidence and know that he is with you, and she although still involved through the child...is nothing to him. Self affirmations work miracles! Say to yourself, I am strong, gorgeous, a good mother, a supportive wife, and I deserve to be treated with respect.
I do know that making demands of a partner and threats are not a good way to communicate, not that you have done this....But consider the approach more carefully next time. Wait until you are not angry about it, alone, and have the conversation preplanned from your end.
There is an old saying "the man is the head of the family, but the woman is the neck...and she can turn the head in any direction she wants". So you use your charm and poise to show him you are above the ex, knowing this will make him see that you are only wanting the personal interaction to end for stress of it all..thereby strengthening your marriage. As I know men do like alittle jealousy from time to time...
Do not let her ever see you sweat, no matter how much you want to kill her...Just smile and kiss him, letting her know he is your man and be territorial in nature, as we all have alittle animal in us. Just be keen about it.

I hope this helps.
You seem like a great wife for him, and you should feel proud that you are! Just know you are better for having patience and wisdom. This is the best advice I can give. As I had gone through the same situation, but the child a girl, lived with my husband and I at the time. Hang in there you can make it!

Answer 3

1. You need to tell him that just because he won't answer to every of her beckin calls...it doesn't mean he can't see his kid. If she does end up doing so, her partying isn't going to win her the case of having custody.

2. His excuses to use his kid is another sign to me that he's stil holding on to her....maybe not in a love way, but maybe in another emotional way....attachment seperation problem.

3. The problem is her: if you do not understand why she is calling, I suggest you tell her to stop calling him for those purposes and for her to let him go. He may be the father of her child, but he is definately not her man. She needs to realize that.

Answer 4

considering the kid, he may never stop talking to her...but i think that he should have the courtesy to ask her to not talk to him like that...and as far as fixing her car...that is not his problem and i'm hoping he is telling her that...unfortunately if she decides not to let him see the kid, thats her choice...and there isn't much he can do about that...so i understand him not wanting to upset her, but there is a boundary that he needs to set...and he should respect that he's with u now...and that he should only be contacting her with concerns about the kid, but i wouldn't expect him just stop, cuz they do have to speak due to the kid...is the kid his??...not that it matters...cuz it sounds like he's the only father figure in this kids life...but he needs to not let her play him like that...hope this helps...good luck....

Answer 5

She is doing this because she knows it is upsetting to you. He can get a court order to see his kid. It is not up to her. Get Caller ID and when she calls tell him you will answer. Let her know that he is unavailable. If he cares about you, he will put a stop to the nonsense and let the court take care of his visits.

Answer 6

she and he will be forever talking and for you to tell them to stop is inconsiderate of the child. being that you put this kid and it's i don't think you really care about anyone else in this messed up relationship but yourself.

Answer 7

Well, let's say you knew he was married before and had a child BEFORE you decided to marry him. Then you knew what you were getting into. His first obligation will always be to them, and you have to understand that.

Answer 8

"I've asked him to stop talking to her, cuz I'm not going to put up with this" Then don't.

Answer 9

its crap that he has to tolerate that to see his kid, he needs to respect you and your relationship and tell her to go straight to he&&, let the courts handle his visitation. I would straight out tell him enough is enough. Good luck

Answer 10

If he has joint custody she legally has to let him see their child. If he doesn't have joint custody he needs to talk to a lawyer.