when should i leave??

Question

I'm planning of leaving my 14 year marriage...but when?? I am a silent partner in the business, and don't do too much, (Its more for tax reasons) We still have a mortage and an investment (very run down) property we were going to put units on. This would help us both financially (possibly clear morgage). Should I tell him I want out now, our wait till after the units are built, have a part time job, and can afford a better place for me and the 3 kids

He has cheated at least 4 times that i know of. I left with 2 children 11 years ago and for there sakes tried to see it through. I dont hate him but i dont love him. We dont really have anything in common. I have discussed it many times as well as had marriage counelling. After a few weeks he puts his head back in the sand and pretends everything is alright. He doesnt want to separate

Answer 1

hmm. sounds like you've been with him for long enough. You do have to take care of you and your kids, though. I guess make a plan and go by it. If you need to stay for finacial reasons, do so and then jet.

Wish you the best.

Answer 2

Doesn't sound like you're the victim of abuse or cheating. If it's a question of falling out of love, then the question is whether you would find continuing the relationship more difficult than splitting right now. Property development, that hasn't started yet, may take a year or more. Can you last that long? If it's the money, a good divorce attorney can get you an interest payable in the future when the development has been completed, even though you split right now. Your leverage is your current ownership interest (if you have any such interest) in the property...he will need your interest to get a construction loan. Good luck with this.

Answer 3

That's a personal decision you will have to make. Before you give up completely on your marriage please think about counseling. After all, you loved enough to marry and have three children. Surely if you both want to you can rebuild. I think it is a terrible thought for you to want to use him until a better timing when it is better for you financially. If you really want out then why would you live a lie. Be honest and honorable. He will always have a responsibility to the kids and he will always be their Father, regardless of your choice. I say 'try again' and give it '100%' ... Sit down and talk, make a list of pros and cons, agree to work on the areas that you 'allowed' to tear the marriage down and move forward one day at a time. Never throw up the past once you committ to a new. Love your family unit enough to do the right thing. However, if he is unwilling to try, then be honest about your thoughts and what you feel would be best. Again, at least you will have had handled it with integrity. Good luck!

Answer 4

A lot of people would say "get out now, you deserve to be happy" and yes, all these things are true but you have a bigger picture to look at. If you are safe and your husband is not abusing you or your children you should stay until you are on your feet. My mom left my dad after planning for 1 year. She had herself completely debt free and left my dad the house and put a down payment on a cheaper smaller house for she and myself. She didn't have to kill herself trying to tie up loose ends from her marriage to my dad. She is 48 years old and still single. She is able to work part time and still support herself while taking it easy somewhat. She has 5 rental properties that generate income for her also. I believe if she had left my dad in haste, she would'nt be where she is today (my dad has never been good with money). She divorced my dad in 1989 and she has been in her current financial semi-freedom(only having to work part time traveling abroad) since 1999, so 10 years isn't too bad considering during that 10 years she had buy me a car and pay for college and a wedding for me. She is not highly educated or have a high powered position. She is just an X-ray Tech with a 2 year degree. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I'm thinking this is a question only you can answer. How unhappy are you? Will our spouse contribute to the kids right away or will he balk? Do you have a place to go? What will you use for money?

And the last and biggest question is...why are you leaving? Have you identified the reason(s)? Because I think you should be pretty clear as to why you are leaving this marriage with 3 kids in tow before you make the leap.

Answer 6

You didn't specify if it was an abusive situation. I will assume not, maybe just more tiresome than anything. If no one is in danger, and your emotional health can sustain more time with him, I would wait. Maybe you two can come up with an arrangement of some sort, so theres no uncomfortable misunderstandings, etc. 14 years is to long to be together and not be able to communicate, say what it is that you want, do what you will, and make good choices for all parties involved. Good luck!

Answer 7

14 years...... that's a long time. I'm sorry to hear that it's not working. I guess if you have exhausted every resource and you are still not happy, I would HIGHLY suggest that you wait until you are stable. If you jump the gun, how will you support your children? It's none of my business, but before you make any harsh decision, look into your children's eyes. Whatever decision you make will affect them greatly. Good Luck....

Answer 8

Money/Security is no reason to stay... My mother stayed with my father 18 years, and they were both miserable. As the first answerer said, finances always work themselves out. Get a job ASAP. Talk to friends or family about you and your children staying with them while you get on your feet.
You don't mention why you want to leave, if you still love him, then why not try marriage counseling?? ::HUGS::

Answer 9

i would ask him to buy you out in the business and tell him that for both your benefits to sell the investment property and sell your house and split the money whilst thats all put to paper look for a place to live and find a job, also file for seperation from him and file for full custody of the kids to ensure you get the kids full time legally and that he pays you maintenance, but organise visitation rights so your kids still see their dad. let him know you want out when you're ready to do so

Answer 10

I think it depends. Is he abusive. A danger to you and your children? If so leave tonite. If its petty try to work it out for the sake of your kids. If the sex is bad you can always find you one on the side. I would definitely make sure I was financially secure before I left if not in a dangerous situation.