I've been dating my best friend for 3 years, and have lived with him for 2. He has not proposed yet, although one minute we're looking for rings and the next minute he's saying he can't afford it. Our sex life is not good (he lasts for 2 minutes), and recently I have been meeting an old friend to fill in the sex department. I clean up after my bf and his dogs like I'm his maid, and his excuse is that he "works". He does not give me $ or pay for my living expenses, so I don't see that as an excuse. Needless to say, he doesn't make me feel "special" anymore either.
What would you do? I love him but I'm contemplating moving out. Is this just a rutt that some couples go through?
2007-04-18 15:29:04 · 8 answers · asked by LadyMango 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
This is not a rutt. You answered yourself when you met your "old friend" for sex. If you loved this guy, the kind of love that should lead to marriage, which is not easy under the best circumstances, then you would never be meeting an "old friend" for sex.
You can love someone but not be in love. Don't get married, move on, move out, tell him you are sorry but you just want to stay friends and part ways.
Remember that song "just drop off the key Lee and set yourself free"
2007-04-18 15:44:24 · answer #1 · answered by sneetcher 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sounds like you are getting your physical or emotional needs met. I certainly wouldn't consider marrying him with the feelings you are having. Marriage won't fix him...he'll still be the same guy with the same personality so think hard about that. I think it's time to ask yourself what you are getting out of this relationship. It should work both ways. You should each do things around the house and you should both make each other feel special. Maybe moving out will help you to think clearer and take an outside look at him and your relationship. You have already gone outside of your relationship for sex, that isn't going to help fix this relationship you are in. Take a break and see how you feel without him for a while. Always take care of yourself and be sure your needs are met as well as his. Everyone deserves to feel happy and special. Good luck to you.BTW, have you talked to him openly about how you feel? If he's not willing to work on changing for the better, then I think you know the answer....you deserve more out of a relationship.
2007-04-18 22:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i feel for u I'm going threw the same thing. and i wish i had the answer myself. i know it hurts, but sometimes its better to throw the towel in, and say the hell with this. there is more to life then feeling lonely,and unhappy. you have pretty much answered your question when u say things are bad in the bedroom, or he don't make you feel special any more. you deserve to be happy and so does he, maybe he's not happy either. ask him how he feels. i will tell u it's not any greener on the other side of the fence, just so u know that. good luck in what ever you need to do. i hope all turns out well. and everybody is happy in the end.
2007-04-18 22:54:08 · answer #3 · answered by tabatha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the first thing is you are talking to us not him although he may not have or want to change you are already out the door having sex with someone else you shouldn't need to clean so much after him should be a more 50/50 do not tell him of affair but tell hime you are tired of the routine you say he doesn't pay your way but also say you don't work (or at least imply) if that is the contention get a job you are unfulfilled and a little change may be all you need.
2007-04-18 22:39:46 · answer #4 · answered by Bear_Polaroid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not being faithful and it doesn't sound like he's that into the relationship. I would say this isn't a "rutt".
When you are in a truly succesful relationship you manage to fill eachother's needs (emotional, sexual, etc.) without going outside of the relationship. Things may be bumpy at times, and you may not have your wants but your needs and your partners needs should be filled. It doesn't sound like you have that.
2007-04-18 22:38:38 · answer #5 · answered by gumby 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're not happy with him now, do you think you're going to be happy with him in another 30 years? Probably not. It's possible that this is the glitter fading from a good relationship, it happens a lot. Then again, sometimes the glitter just covers up the rust. If I were you, I'd probably think about it for a week or two, but I'd most likely end up leaving him.
2007-04-18 22:42:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your meeting an "old friend" to fill in the sex department is an act of betrayal. You would not do that to someone you love. So admit to yourself that you do not love him and begin the process of moving on with your life.
2007-04-18 22:38:05 · answer #7 · answered by SIGGY 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gee wiz girl move your b-t out and get your own place!
Why live with guy you know you will never be married to!
Find a meaningfull relationship, fall in love first marry the guy your in love with that respects you and returns your love!
Love is not something you just throw around like a dirty pair of underware!
2007-04-18 22:41:09 · answer #8 · answered by TRUE GRIT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋