We split because I lied to her about having done drugs. It was casual use, and it was wrong. I'm not trying to justify my crime, but I didn't spend the rent money on it. Since the split, I have gone to councelling, etc. There has been no further use, and there will be no future use. My wife and marriage are worth far too much to me. I was wrong to do it at all. I love her with all my heart and wish to reconcile very much. 7 months ago, I was served with a TPO for harassment. I found that when your spouse hangs up on you, and you call to ask why, it's harassment. Because I cannot call, or communicate in any way with her, I have no idea whether she's divorcing me, just needs time, hates me, or anything else. She also has all of my possessions. The TPO only allowed me 1 trip to our storage to get my things, but was already empty. I do not want a divorce. I have never been unfaithful, even during the split. I believe in her, but I'm not sure how to deal with this, emotionally or legally.
2007-04-18 14:13:49 · 16 answers · asked by Russ B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have someone forward your posting here on Yahoo Answers to her email address. She will know your feelings, and you won't be contacting her, someone else will :)
2007-04-18 14:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what exactly is your question?
Look, I understand where you are coming from, but you are missing an important aspect of this problem. Relationships are mutual and reciprocal. If one of the parties, regardless of the reason, is not interested in it, then it's over. The harassment report says it all. She is not interested in continuing this relationship. If she was, she would be leaving the bridge open.
What you need to do is call an attorney. That is your pathway to opening up communication with your wife. Even if you do not want a divorce, an attorney can open the lines. HE can talk to her. HE can at least get your stuff back. And HE can find out if there is to be a divorce or not. And if she wants one, she will get it. There is no sense in trying to prevent it. It doesn't matter whether or not you want a divorce or not. It doesn't matter if you have been faithful. If she wants out, you are done. The best thing you can do is to accept it and get ready to move on with your life. Don't give up hope until your attorney finds out what is going on! But if the news is not what you want to hear, you have little recourse but to accept it. Pretty much any other response will result in years of legal battles, a dwindling bank account, possible jail time, and the inability to move on and get your life back in order.
In the meantime, you are going through a really rough time. It sucks, and I am sorry to hear about it. I highly recommend talking to your doctor about how you feel. Don't go into all the details about your separation, but let him know you are feeling low and ask for a reference to a therapist. It sounds dorky, I know, but a therapist will be best able to provide you with the tools and strategies to get through this. It really is worth the time and money. Do this, lean on your friends and other family, and you'll get through it. Good luck!
2007-04-18 21:24:45 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tough. I know where you are comming from and women caqn fly off the handle and accuse you of harassment when all you wanted to do is talk.
Here is the deal though, you need to cool it, start planning for a future without her and if you get back together its probably going to be by her comming to you.
I dont see what you did as that bad as long as it wasnt coke or crack, hopefully it was just POT.
If possible try to get a friend or relative to speak on your behalf, have them tell her you changed, this means you have to SHOW that you have, i.e going to church, has a good job, helping others volunteering, exercising, going to school or taking a class and being willing to goto counseling with her about the marriage as well as drug rehab if need.
Even after ALL that she still probably wont take you back but guess what?
You will be a far better person and will have learned from yuor mistakes, if she cannot forgive you then she isnt worth it in the long run. Inflexible and unforgiving females are the worst creatures God ever created (They don NOT understand LOGIC or REASON and you should run from them at full speed. They will find someone else to drive crazy, don't let that be YOU.
2007-04-18 21:21:21 · answer #3 · answered by boxing_fan_4_wlad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, it almost seems like she may have wanted this all along. Maybe you can send her a letter. She can't do anything to you for that. It's her choice to read it or not. Hopefully she has just been really angry and now, you know she doesn't want that kind of life. If she refuses to answer your letter or writes you back and says she wants nothing to do with you. Then I would suggest that you start over and accept things for how they are. Get counseling if you need to and move on with your life.
Hopefully, she will just read the letter and offer to call you or something and be ready to talk things over.
Good luck and I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time.
2007-04-18 21:22:22 · answer #4 · answered by safetyusa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, especially since you have gone to counseling in order to show good faith (which is a lot more than most!) In any case, is she aware of your efforts? First thing you must do is contact a lawyer regarding the "do's" and "don'ts"; a legal document stating your case, including that you would like to try mediation, (since you don't want a divorce) will get you an answer, at least, so you'll know where you stand. From there, it all depends on what that answer is...Best of luck.
2007-04-18 21:23:19 · answer #5 · answered by Artemisia G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too much..too little, to late! You have rights to your possesions, but must do it through the court system. They take TPO`s very seriously, and if you violate, you can find your self with some very undesireable roomies. If she still has any feelings for you, your going to have to show her a big change. This takes time, but some women, actually most women have no room in their lives for this behavior. It throws a big damper on their overall goals and dreams in life, and drug use has this stigma attached to it, that once a drug user always a drug user! I sincerely wish you well in your recovery, and remember..there is no such thing as an recreational drug user..it`s called denial. Accept that, and you`ll be on your way.
2007-04-18 21:28:07 · answer #6 · answered by EDWARD D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she files for divorce you will find out because you will be served with the papers. In those papers you will have a chance to have your say, however you can't force her to not get a divorce if that is what she truly wants, just as you can't force her to talk about it with you. Being unfaithful has nothing to do with getting a divorce. Infidelity is only ONE reason people divorce, not the only reason.
2007-04-18 23:50:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
legally, you should just leave her alone, wait for the papers to come in the mail and just bide your time and give her the space that she needs. she may still be reeling over this; drugs are infidelity if the other person doesn't know about it, and it can really affect the relationship. if you had to lie, I'd have to wonder if the drugs weren't legal, and that's part of the problem that she has, but i can't see her blowing up like that over prescription drugs. you may not want a divorce, but you should brace yourself for what may be the inevitable; perhaps by not fighting it, or her, you can get her to change her mind.
2007-04-18 21:19:14 · answer #8 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is go on with your life but be very good to her if it is in your power===like financially make up for the stuff you caused her. Don't dispute the hurt. I don't think you realize the pain involved here, she may really not want you around. This is the present so move on. Like I said be loving and respect her desires, and requests.
2007-04-18 21:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by kim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best you can hope for is to meet with her through a counselor who is competent in marriage and divorce. Other than that, you may have to result to getting to her through a lawyer to find out what's going on at this stage.
2007-04-18 21:18:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry man, if she's getting you served because of two phone calls she's really not ready to take you back. Maybe never will be.
Find out if you can write her a letter to ask what is happening, maybe she'll answer it. Or you may have to initiate contact through a lawyer.
2007-04-18 21:24:06 · answer #11 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋