Earlier my hubby & I got into a confrontation. I am pregnant and am really uncomfortable right now becuase my uterus and ligaments are stretching. I expressed my hurting and he didn't say anything. I didn't think it would take so long to respond, I thought it would be immediate bcuz what is there really to say? I looked over at him and asked if he was going to say n e thing & he said I wasn't even done talking but I had been for a minute or so. It escalated, so I decided 2 just leave the convo and get in the bath to relax me & he continued to yell through the door. I said I didn't want to hear anymore and said "can't hear you" (waters running) so he decided to just open up the door and walk in. Boundaries is a big issue becuase he has kept me captive in my own house before as well as in rooms in the house. (not for hours or days). And has also physically held me in place and when I fought to get away he wrestled me to the couch. He said he'd never be "that kind of person" but he has.
2007-04-18 14:07:47 · 10 answers · asked by justcuriouslyasking 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He even expressed he's deeply sorry for the past, but it seems like he's starting to do small things that are near what he has done. He got 2 inches from my face and tried to grab me when we were arguing and today almost grabbed me when I said that if he doens't leave me alone or if he touches me again I'd call 911. He bruised my arm from grabbing me so hard before. We're seeking counseling.
2007-04-18 14:09:59 · update #1
BK- you're a horrible person for saying such a thing. Who ever said I "keep spreading my legs for him", it's an assumption you made based of the fact I said I was pregnant. You could not have sex for a year and still get pregnant the one time you decide to have sex. It's not necessary to make such comments based on what little facts there are in my question. Especially that someone should be "sterilized". Who are you to judge and so harshly at that?
2007-04-18 14:49:19 · update #2
This is a difficult situation and I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is a physically abusive relationship. He can not put his hands on you, hold you down and bruise your body! That is unacceptable.
You and your baby are in danger. Sadly, I don't think that much can be done for a man who abuses a woman. He has crossed the line and there is no going back. The longer you tolerate his behavior, the more it will continue and escalate. What if he induces a miscarriage? What if he becomes abusive toward your child?
My mother was physically abused by my "sperm donor" and my sisters had to witness that abuse and suffered it as well, until he dumped my pregnant mother(with me) and my sisters in the middle of nowhere.
When a man hits a woman, he does not love her. He can apologize and cry, but he WILL do it again. If you can't leave for yourself, leave for your child. If you don't have any place to go, there are shelters for women in your situation.
You and your baby will be in my prayers.
Please do not listen to idiots who blame you! Domestic Violence is NEVER the fault of the person being abused!!! The abuser does enough to convince the abused that it's their fault w/o outsiders blaming them as well. It's easy to judge when you haven't been in the situation.
2007-04-18 14:35:52 · answer #1 · answered by Linnygirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well good going on seeking the counselling that is what I would have recommended. It sounds to me like your hubby has some deep rooted anger and control issues and he must resolve them now or it will just get worse and trust me you do not to bring a baby into a relationship like that. I would also consider locking the bathroom door when you are in there. Really though if you were having a conversation the worse thing to do is walk away because it can never get resolved. I think you need to ask your hubby if he may have been abused as a child or witnessed his father abusing his mother.
I say this because most adult behaviors stem from things that we witnessed or had done to us as a child. Your husband needs some seriuos therapy not just as a married couple but some one to one with a professional.
I do not know if wither of you are christian or have a belief in God but I would like to mention a book that I think both you and your husband would gain much knowledge from and before you say great the bible well thatv is great all but no this is called Experiencing Fathers Embrace and it is written by Jack Frost it is an older book but a store may be able to order a copy. Or check out there website at www.shilohplace.org. I have been married for almosat 8yrs and I will tell you I had personal anger problems and other things going on in my life and was disrespecting my wifesa space and all this book well openbed my eyes and my heart to the way I was mistreating my wife and our relationship.
One other thing as I said I do not know this but find a local church having someone to talk to and converse with
other then your mate like God and our lord can make things much richer and well happier in your marriage.
God Bless and Best Wishes
P.S. Congrats on your pregnancy and may your baby be strong, beautiful and smart.
2007-04-18 14:28:42 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the time has come for you to rethink this marriage. I dealt with similar abuse when I was married, which was the main reason why I ended it. I know that this is not something you want to think about right now but what about after the baby is born? Don't you feel you have a right to a safe and peaceful life?
At the very least, think about counseling. If your husband doesn't want to go, tell him it's a necessary thing if he wants to keep the marriage together. Even if he does refuse, go alone. You are letting him walk all over you. No one deserves to be treated like a doormat.
What is happening now could easily escalate into physical abuse. In fact, it probably will. Is that the kind of future you want? Think about it.
2007-04-18 14:17:09 · answer #3 · answered by emt_me911 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are facing an abuser cycle. They do it over and over. First is what is called the honeymoon stage, everything seems wonderful and he seems to not have any mean bone. Second is the abuse, (hitting, grabbing, name calling, kicking, putting you down, holding you down where you can't move or leave a room, etc.). The last is the apologies that it wont happen again and that he's deeply sorry. It then starts over and becomes an ongoing circle. My first husband, the father of my first, mentally abused me, and started to get physical by not letting me leave a room. He once came very close to raping me, but stopped and put a guilt trip on me about how he was very close to shooting himself with his fathers gun, because he felt so bad. You need to get out!!! I luckily got out, but that bad side of my story is that, he eventually got to have unsupervised visitations with our daughter. By the time she was three and I just had my son, I found out that he molested my daughter. He mentally abused her also and she still faces these issues even though she hasn't seen him for a couple of years. The abuse does not stop!!!!! If he truely wants help, then he needs to get the help by himself. It takes years to get rid of abusive behavior and it may never leave the person. I am sorry! Find someone who treats you right! It's worth it! My daughter's better off being with just me, because I stood up for the both of us by ending the marriage, before it was too late! I am remarried now and my daughter has a true father figure now!!!! Good luck sweetie! Don't let your emotions of being alone keep you from making a right decision!
2007-04-18 14:47:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you have described is an escalating cycle of abuse..
While going to counseling is a step don't let it cloud your judgement... Counseling doesn't always work.. If things don't becaome nonabusive, you will need to leave for your sake and that of your child...
Husbands who abuse thier wives often also abuse thier children.. Even if they do not physically abuse them they are emotionally abusing them because the child hears and sees the abuse of the mother...
Children learn what they live... If a child lives in an abusive home they learn that abuse is normal and are more likely to become an abuser or a victim of abuse as adults..
Abusers are some of the worlds best apologizers... See if any of these ring a bell
"Oh honey I am so sorry I didn't mean to hit you but you make me so mad sometimes."
"I am sorry really I am " que flowers, candy, tears, and/or begging sometimes on knees "Please don't leave me I can change."
"I love you so much, it just makes me so mad and jealous when you (fill in the blank)."
If any of those sound familiar, they are all words I heard said in the apartment above mine when I was 19.. I also heard him beating her, yelling vial and nasty names at her, screaming "No, you can't leave I won't let you." I telephoned 911 so often I had it on speed dial...
She also questioned whether or not him restraining her and preventing her from leaving was abuse... She questioned for so long and it escalated so fast she was killed one evening when she made it as far as the top of the stairs before he grabbed her and threw her down them with the words " If you think you can leave me , you can die B****!!!" Her neck was broken..
Let her story be a cautionary tale to you not to debate whether or not it is abuse for too long (It is abuse) ... If you wait too long it could be too late...
You have a responsibility to not only your child but to yourself to draw the line... If things do not become completely nonabusive and stay non abusive you need to leave...
2007-04-18 15:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well that was smart of you to get pregnant by a man like this...You over reacted to this because he didn't rush to your side to comfort you, big deal! You're being overly sensitive. I don't know why you would stay with someone like this, let alone have a child with him, which is putting the kid in danger. I hope you have a plan if he hurts your kid...Yeah, call me a horrible person too, but sometimes the truth hurts.
2007-04-18 14:58:02 · answer #6 · answered by SillierKimmie! 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Once a man hits or abuses you once, it's time to go. No offense, men NEVER change when it comes to that stuff. My mom got beat and learned that the hard way. They never stop, no matter how much counseling, or crying they do.
2007-04-18 14:12:52 · answer #7 · answered by beyond0085 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
first of all you need to stop thinking about yourself and your husband because that really don't matter anymore.start think about this child that the both of you are bringing in this world and hope not with this type of abuse , yes it is abuse phisical and mental abuse . Surroundings with mental abuse is the worse type of abuse to bring a child up in. you to need to get it to gether before this child arrives and if you all are seeking counseling it doesn't seems to be working very well
2007-04-18 14:32:36 · answer #8 · answered by scent_of_essence 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
listen to me, you are in an abusive relationship! you need to get out right now for your sftey and for the saftey of your child. Know that even if he say's he is sorry he is not. He wants to control you and you are letting him. If you do not get out right now then he will not only hurt you he will also hurt your child... and a child never gets over abuse... never, i have learned from expirience of about a year of my cousin molesting me. it is never ok to hit your wife and you need to know that. Go to anyone that you can trust will protect you from him. if you can't trust anyone there are shelters that you can go to to get out of your relationship GET OUT OF THERE NOW!!!!!!
i will keep you in my prayers
2007-04-18 14:26:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well sad to say but usually the little things add up to the big things! if things don't change fast you may think of leaving for your child's sake!
2007-04-18 14:13:21 · answer #10 · answered by Mellycat123 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋