here's the story. my wife is turning thirty in a few months. we got married a year ago and it hasn't been easy blending my two kids and her daughter. Plus I was married before. my wife gained about 20 pounds since we've been married. my ex wife is tall, thin and blonde. my wife seems really concerned that now that she's thirty and getting older I will leave her because i am almost forty and that's what older guys do when their wives get old and unattractive. possibly she thinks i will go back to my ex wife because of the kids. now she's pushing for a baby with me even though it's been really tough keeping up with all three for her and me. she knows this but i told her no more kids for now. she said she always wanted another one and how could i deny her that! something other than a baby is going on here and i cant figure it out. it's like her world ended when i said no baby right now even though when we first got married she was unsure. how can i help her and what does she really want?
2007-04-18 13:58:08 · 8 answers · asked by golf4everdude 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your wife is concerned about you becoming attracted to your ex again. She compares herself to your ex in how your ex looks, what the ex has given you (2 children). She wants a child with you to solidify your relationship - so she will having something binding to keep you. She is going through this insecurity phase, and you can help her by telling her the reasons you left your ex-wife and why you are not interested in getting back with her ever. Just reassure her, and tell her how much you love her and her children, and that another child is not going to change how you feel about her, you either love someone or you don't. Compliment her when she makes an attempt to lose weight or when she gets dressed up for you. Be patient with her, pay more attention to her. It's only been a year, and as time goes by she will realize that your relationship is secure. Good luck to you both.
2007-04-18 15:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by casey308 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wants validation and security and she is going about it the only way she knows. She's gained weight and you have a 10 year age difference. More babies isn't going to change her attitude but she is confusing babies for security. If you love her you are going to have to spend more time talking with her and doing things that make her feel special and not threatened. Give her some extra time and attention. She may really also not want another baby any more than you, but this is her only way to resolve her issue right now. Talk, talk, talk.
2007-04-18 21:10:50 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think for her a baby will give her a stronger tie to you, people divorce all the time but often stay together for the children or at least she'll alway have that conection to you through a child. She is feeling insecure in herself and in your commitment to her. Maybe try and find another way to show how much you want her and love her no matter what. Talk with her and let her know that you are worried about her, this will also show how much you care.
Good Luck
2007-04-18 21:09:39 · answer #3 · answered by C T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You telling her that you didn't want another baby with her, just solidified her crazy idea's about you leaving. It isn't about turning 30. A secure woman turning 30 wouldn't act like that, I think it's more you two are newly weds, and she obviously went through a bad marriage or relationship, and I don't know if you left your ex for her, but that could be an issue too.
2007-04-18 21:07:27 · answer #4 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 31. Her biological clock is driving her up a wall. Try to get her to have a hobby or something fun to do on a regular basis. I know it's hard with kids to find time, but you've got to get her mind on other things besides babies.
2007-04-18 21:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by Ruby Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What has happened here is that she has lost her self confidence and its up to you to bring it back up by making sure she knows that you think she is the world to you! Let her know how beautiful she is to you and why she is so important to you!
2007-04-18 21:08:39 · answer #6 · answered by Mellycat123 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh crap! Stock up on aspirin. Sounds like you're going to have a whopping headache for a long time!
2007-04-18 21:02:24 · answer #7 · answered by WILLIAM W 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the only way to find the true answer is to talk to her. Keep asking, keep digging deeper. Reassure her that you love her, reassure her that she needs to be practical as well as sentimental.
2007-04-18 21:08:12 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋