This is really embarrassing for me to admit, but every time I go to the grocery store...?

Question

I see this one guy who works there who I am very attracted to. I have pretty severe anxiety on a normal day to day basis but when I see him it gets 10x's worse. He works in the cheese section so I often have to be near him when I am picking out cheese for a recipe. I get so extremely flustered around him I can hardly speak or walk. Tonight I found myself buying fifteen dollars worth of the wrong cheese after I asked him where the goat cheese section was. After he told me where it was, I couldn't think straight, I felt like a million degrees, I was sweating and basically just freaking out in my head about taking so long to find what I wanted, so I just grabbed something b/c I was afraid to ask him where the specific type of goat cheese was that I wanted. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get over this? It's not the first time I've lost it around a guy I was really into but I usually just avoid that person. In this case I can't b/c it's the only supermarket near me. Help!!!

Also, I have a boyfriend of five years. I don't want to live with him anymore, but I have no where to go. I can't afford first, last and security deposit which was the case with every place I looked at. It's not just around guys I like that I get flustered. This has become such a problem I barely ever leave the house anymore and work is a complete nightmare. I feel like I can't even coexist with people anymore.

He already knows I like him b/c every time I ask him a question (only when I am absolutely forced to) I seem so nervous. I have seen him check me out a few times as I've walked past so he may be interested, but I can't pursue him b/c then my bf will kick me out and I'll have no where to go. I have no family, friends or relatives to live with.

When I am at work, sometimes I get extremely red in the face for no reason whatsoever. I will be interacting with a customer and everything is going great and then suddenly I start burning up and I can barely breathe. I’ve tried mentally trying to calm myself down, taking deep breaths, even cooling my face off with a cold water bottle but nothing seems to work. It’s awful b/c the customer sees me turn bright red, fanning my face, taking deep breaths and my entire attitude changes in seconds and they have no idea why. I think the realization that my face is turning red and the customer sees it makes it even harder for me to function, whether I try to ignore it or not. Occasionally I will catch my reflection in a mirror while this is happening and I am not kidding, it is beet red. It is very debilitating.

Answer 1

It seems like everyone is focusing on how to hook you up with this guy. You mentioned you have this problem elsewhere so he is not your only problem. Sound like you have "social anxiety" Talking to a therapist and/or medication might help. This problem may give you difficulties with job interviews and other areas of your life where you need social skills. Don't worry about hooking up with this guy right now. There is plenty of time for that. Take care of yourself!

Answer 2

Is it possible to get a job or one that pays more?? If you're starting out, you might have to settle for a "cheaper" place (not to put you down or anything). Hopefully your budget can cover the bills/living expenses.

Try not to think "too much" about him or your attraction to him.
Just make sure you're calm and focus on something else.

When you're buying cheese, add a little detail about your day.

Example: "Hey, how is it going? I need ____ cheese because my friends and I are going to have a little get-together and they made me go out and get the food."

Then the next time you shop, tell him about something else (not too personal but maybe in some cases). After a while, ask him about his day. Maybe after a couple of times, invite him to a party or something or just ask him out. Don't sound desperate though. Something like this:

Example: "Me and a bunch of friends are going out to the ___ (or are going to do ____ ) we're hoping more people would come (or "it would really be cool if you came"); would you be interested?"

You can also try stuff like baking cookies for all the clerks/staff of the store on occasions like Easter etc. or you can do it out of kindness. Stuff like that seems to help.

Well best of luck to you. Let me know how its goes.

Answer 3

The day after I had my first panic attack, my boyfriend of two years at the time came over, and I had another full-blown panic attack around him. After that, I'd feel the same exact disgusting hot flash dizziness not being able to think straight feeling every time I saw him, so I'd just kind of politely kick him out whenever he came over. Now I'm scared to start onto another relationship thinking the same thing will happen. Before anxiety, I wasn't scared of walmart or crowded malls or anything. Afterwards, even now, I'm still a bit iffy about it, but not nearly as bad. In your question, you made it a bit clear that you don't have enough money for professional help from a psychologist at the time, and I think that's what pushed me to feel more relaxed in more social situations.. but here's a page with a bit of advice that made me feel less worried about what might happen if I went out in public.

http://www.anxietynetwork.com

Answer 4

It sounds like you may have slight social phobia. Try working through it next time. He's just a person like you. Talk to him, ask him questions, that's why he's there. Once you do it one time, it will get easier and easier. I have been through this with my life. She wouldn't leave the house for a while...it would take her 3 hours of talking about it and getting herself mentally ready to go anywhere. She has worked on it and has gotten a lot better. There's nothing wrong with you except that you don't have enough confidence in yourself. Maybe this relationship you;re in is affecting you this way. I wish you luck and hope all works out for you.

Answer 5

You know something?You're really not as bad as you think you are. You went up to the guy and spoke to him...even if was only to ask about cheese. Tell yourself that he's only a guy and not all that special. Hopefully you might just look on him as just another person and won't get nervous around him. If you act calm, maybe something may happen when you don't expect it. Good luck...and all that cheese is bad for you !

Answer 6

I think you're feeling very very shy to talk with him. Ok, i will help you how to get rid out of it. So that u will never loose anyone. ok.

Talk infront of the mirror daily about what u want to speak with him, irrespective of topic. Imagine he is standing infront of you. If you can't imagine, place a rod infront of you and cover it with a bed sheet, so that u can now imagine, he is standing infront of you. if you imagine like this and practiced daily u r fear will reduced automatically.

Second don't try to talk directly with him by seeing into his eyes. I don't think you are doing this. but just i am reminding you. if you started the conversation slowly by doing a practice session in home, you can talk slowly with him. Ask him about anything and just start conversation, because if u first started the conversation automatically u can.

If my suggestions help u mail me back and i will suggest you more. Its enough for now, if these suggestions are not enough or not useful forget about me and try others help.

Answer 7

Ask him his name get too know him a little bit asking for a guyz number well only hurt u if he sayz no but what is like with taking risks and chances beside in the long run u will be able to get free cheese

Answer 8

Cute story,
Best way to confront it, would be to confront it. Maybe not so boldly but be sure to place out the vibe. Chances are if you bring forth to his attention of your interest in him, he may take to the hunt. As in his human nature.
He will not take offense to your interest. He may not be able or willing to buckle down and hook up with you. His life may not have the space for you. Though this still wont result in a negative way.
At best granting you extra smiles when picking out your fav cheeze. Good luck.

Answer 9

You're staying with your current boyfriend for financial reasons. The fact that you no longer care for him in that way but must stay with him anyway may be the underlying source of your anxiety. That is the situation you need to work on first. That may solve or at least reduce greatly your problem.

Answer 10

next time ask him for a brick of cheddar cheese, then you can spend only around 3 bucks instead of 15.