Do I have any chance of getting him back....?

Question

My marriage is destroyed, and i want to fix it, but my husband has fallen out of love with me.he said the passion had gone out of our marriage, and suggested spicing it up.
We had a threesome with a close friend, and it has destroyed our marriage, i cheated on him with this guy,and lied about contacting him when i promised that i wouldnt,and my husband has moved out.I have always let my husband follow his dreams,he joined the military when i was pregnant with our 2nd child,then quit,is in a deadend job with his family, and i always stayed because i love him,and now feel like he has deserted me and our 3 children. I am very sorry for what i did,and want to fix our marriage, but my husband doesnt want to.He has put me through a lot, and wont even give me a chance,I am destroyed,i have lost the love of my life, and dont know what to do.We are still friends, and i suggested counselling but he is not interested.He hates me as a wife,but loves me as a friend,and i want him back,what do ido

Answer 1

first let me ask you this question,did you really think having a threesome,would keep your husband? I think your husband is a real jerk,he just wants to have his cake and eat it too,but I do think you lost your mind when you had a threesome with a close friend!!!,so where is this friend now that your marriage is destroyed,I don't call that a friend,any man that's leaves you with 3 children,will get what he deserves,does he support the kids? if he doesn't take his sorry *** to court,so he was in the military,quit and has a dead end job,that's his own damn fault,as for you move on,you made some serious mistakes,but who hasn't,I don't condone cheating,but it happenedto me,my husband and boyfriend cheated on me,but I never cheated on them,your children are more important right now,and you are also important,you have to be strong for them,get rid of this loser and get on with your life,remember you can't share your husband sexually with anyone,face the fact that your jerk of an ******* husband does not want you anymore,so move on,find someone who loves and respects you,it's not easy been there done that ,good luck:)

Answer 2

Lady, could you possibly whine more or be any more unrealistic? He put you through a lot? You let him follow his dreams? Lady, I have news for you. Men have as much right to do as they wish as you ladies like to give yourselves right to do so regardless of what the man thinks. You women get that part wrong. We are no more suppose to answer to you then you feel you are to us.

Now, you cheated. Glad you are sorry. You should be. Actually, you both cheated and you both should feel badly. But what, you think you always get a do over for everything? Yeah, you probably do. Well, now you see that is nonsense. And it is a standard you would not be willing to extend to others by the way. Now, how could either of you ever have been dumb enough to think a threesome okay? Gods word was not clear enough? What, you think that because you both agreed to it, something changed? I bet you would not think it okay if four people decided to steal your car because they all agreed would you? It would not make it anymore right or less of a sin would it? See the point?

So you want him back. Oh well. People in hell want ice water. Just because you are a girl doesnt mean you get what you want all the time, nor should it. Infact, maybe part of the problem is that you ladies get what you want too often and now you expect it. Let me give you something else to think on. Maybe you should learn to be an honest, dignified, moral and proper wife before you cry about how much you want to get your marriage back together. And remember that you cannot kill off what you claim to want or love and expect anything but sorrow and hurt.

I hope that you two do get back together to be honest. The last thing we need is for each of you to be free to saddle someone else and then pull the same nonsense with them.

Answer 3

Ouch!.
Good one to answer. You made a promise and didn't keep it. Yes its dangerous to do what you both did. A marriage is between 2 people not 3. I'm not sure he will come back. You not only lied to him, but you cheated behind his back.

This is a tough situation. I really don't have a good answer. You said he put you through a lot, but doesn't sound like he cheated or lied to you.

You can give him time, but once a liar always a liar. That is how I was brought up. Once the marriage trust is broken, it is so so hard for the other person to trust.

Ask yourself, would you want to come back if he did it to you? Could you forgive him if he did it to you? Be honest with yourself.

He may come back with some time. Don't nag or hound him. That is the worst thing you can do. Wait it out and see what happens.

Now about the other guy. Ask yourself why you lied to your husband and met up with this guy. Why did you do it? Why risk all you have?

I guess its hard for me to answer this question cause I can't understand why you both would bring in a close friend of yours and tango.

Good luck to you.
Go to the counselor yourself if anything.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you both contributed to the ending of your relationship, also sounds like you were a bit more forgiving then him. There are so many problems that transpired throughout the marriage and to be honest I do not think you can get through them. It is hard to move on and live in the future, what I mean by that is how many fights did you get into and throw the past at each other? I am guessing a lot. So with the list you have given I am thinking you both have some serious grudges that are not just going to dissipate.

There are some relationships that just end up with so much baggage there is no way to reconcile. My best advice to you is keep him as a close friend, if the love was there once and it was strong it may rekindle, don't force it. If it doesn't treasure the friendship and try to move on.

Answer 5

The thought of what has happened makes me weep with sorrow. I really hate to see people get hurt but we also have to look clearly at the choices we have made for ourselves because there are consquences to every action we choose.

You can't force your husband to come back to you so there isn't any thing you can really do. I will pray for your family and situation. I think for your self it would be good for you to get some kind of couselling for yourself.

If you would like an open line to prayer may I suggest this site to be very helpful with some helpful advice.

https://www.crossroads.ca/prayerreq.shtml
http://www.crossroads.ca/helpme.htm

Here's something for you to read that I hope will encourage you. Every person's situation works out differently so I can't promise you that things will work same way. Only God knows your situation. Maybe you can contact this lady and speak with her?

Marriage on the Only Rock!
http://www.livingbreadcrumbs.com/inspiration/marriage/rousseau.htm

If you wish to talk further drop me a line. You have to open up your email so we can talk there. Take care. *Hugs*

Answer 6

You had a threesome --- hon, your marriage is over, you have cheated, and if this isn't a joke, you need to just get on with your life, and develop some moral standards..... that apparently no parent helped you form. This type of behavior make you a s(l)ut..... You don't love him, and he doesn't love you. ..... end of story. And if most men I know were married to you at one time, they wouldn't give you a second chance either.... all this is enough to make any guy vomit. Betrayal is the, THE deal buster in a marriage. Guys just don't easily, if eve,r get over the image of their wife getting pronged by another guy..... Your marriage is gone, stay friends, but hon, it's gone.

Answer 7

It sounds like he's should accept just as much of the blame as you are. It seems like the threesome was just his way of getting permission from you to cheat. You can't make him do anything; all you can do is what's best for you and your kids. Keep them in mind; you're the grown up, you're supposed to be the responsible parent that in now in charge of bringing these kids up right. Take some time to help them get over your guy's split, and then take some time to find a good man that will be good to you and your kids.

Answer 8

You have run out of chances here. He has already made it clear he doesn't want to continue your marriage. The two of you made many bad choices and seem very immature in your decisions even after three kids. You can't blame him for destroying your life.....you helped. Make this a life lesson, take care of your children and move on.

Answer 9

Your finding out what happens when you cheat and lie your now paying the price. While you cheated it never occurred to you about consequence and there will always be one when you cheat. He deserted you for what you did and sorry just won't fix it. You might as well start looking for a divorce attorney your going to need one.....

Answer 10

you cheated. be happy he even wants to be friends with you. of course you have a chance. but ask yourself what are you going to do to fix it?? dont use what you did for him in the past as reasons for him to stay. do what you have to now to fix things. he is friends with you b/c of the past. You want a future? then do something about it.