i know this might sound a bit morbid?

Question

my mum passed away just before last christmas have just collected her ashes. i would like to keep her with me but my daughter want's to sprinkle her in the cememtery. is it ok to split her up? if i keep some and my daughter take's the rest?

Answer 1

It isn't illegal to split the ashes. I have heard of some people scattering ashes in different places.
You aren't being morbid - it's understandable that you want to hang on to your mum. However, by doing so you may not be allowing the grieving process to run its natural course. We need to let go emotionally - and that doesn't mean a lack of love. Part of what a funeral does is ritualise the letting go and saying goodbye to our loved ones, committing them into God's care (if we have that faith). From a psychological view point, there is also the need to let go emotionally as part of the grieving process.
So I guess what I'm saying is that you may be better off keeping the ashes all together and have someting else with you to remind you of her. After all, the ashes are the remains of her body - your mum is with God, at peace.
Hope this doesn't sound harsh. I understand the pain of losing a mother (mine died some years ago and it still hurts).
Perhaps your daughter will allow you to wait a little while before you scatter the ashes. You could plant a tree or bush or someting in your garden as a memorial for her.
Whatever you do - do what feels right for you.
Take your time, there's not a rush.
It's your decision, not your daughters.
I hope that whatever you decide though that it doesn't cause a problem between you and your daughter. That is a precious relationship which needs to continue and grow. Nothing you do now will affect the love you and your mum had and the relationship you had, but your actions may affect the relationship you have with your daughter.
God bless, i hope that you know His Peace and Comfort as you grieve.

Answer 2

Yes of course it is! My mother died when I was 16 and we all loved her so much that part of her ashes stayed with my step dad, my older sister has some, I have some and her best friend took some back to the remote pearl farm were we lived before she got sick and sprinkled her ashes in her favourite spot. I think it is lovely as we can all be near her! My poor dad is in the cemetary and no one ever gets to go and see his grave as we all now live in different towns whereas we can all pay homage to our beautiful mum! (She is on my dressing table!)

Also on the same subject...when my cousins husband died she had silver love heart necklaces made up for all her children and put a small amount of his ashes in each one so the children would always have their dad close. I thought it was a lovely gesture!


Do it...then you can both feel near her and I am sure your mother would have loved that, mine actually mentioned it before she died. Good luck with your decision.

Answer 3

I think it is a weird question to post in the pregnancy category. If you still want my opinion and my morbid story, I think it's ok if you want to split up Mom's ashes.

I don't think she will know the difference. When I was a teenager, my grandparents lived in my closet for a year until my dad got the money to mix the ashes together for a sea burial.

At the time, it was kinda funny to tell my friends that I shared my room with my dead grandparents. That's morbid!

Answer 4

A lady I knew lost someone close to her. His ashes were to be scattered by a special tree, but she was able to keep some of them. She took a small amount and keeps them in a very beautiful little glass bottle with a lid. It's a lovely little memory of him that she gets to keep close to her at all times. So that might be an idea for you, to keep a small amount and then go with your daughter to scatter the rest at the cemetery.

Answer 5

Did your mother express any wishes as far as where her ashes were to be scattered/buried?

If not, then I don't see any problem in dividing the ashes. There are actually places you can go and have your mother's ashes made into a necklace you could keep with you at all times!

Answer 6

Sorry to hear of your loss. I don't see why the ashes should not be split up as long as the family are in agreement and it doesn't go against your Mum's wishes.

Answer 7

First i am sorry for your loss,
You need to respect your mothers wishes, What did your mother want? Did mother want her ashes sprinkled in a cemetery, or did she want you to bury the urn in a grave on hallowed ground, Or did mother want you to keep her ashes in the urn /box in the closet or on the mantel, personally i do not believe you should split her up unless this was your mothers wish. You do not need her ashes to have her near you. She lives in your heart through your memories of her.
put the poor woman to rest as SHE requested.

Answer 8

If your mother wouldn't have objected, then by all means. You can also get her ashes made into a diamond for a necklace, if you'd like.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sure you'll make the best decision. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

My family does that all the time. Not morbid at all.
Have you heard that you can make jewlery out of the ashes? Totally cool. They take the carbon from the ashes and make gemstones, and put them in rings, necklaces, etc...

Answer 10

Absolutely....It's hard to decide where they belong b/c there are so many special places to go. When my father passed we kept half of him at my moms home and we sprinkled the other half. At first we didn't want to but I know it gave my family some closure and we still had part of him at my moms house. Sorry for you loss.