Is it okay to separate from your spouse for educational purposes?

Question

I personally don't believe in separating from my spouse but my husband thinks those are just sacrifices made in a relationship. I understand what he is saying but what is the point of getting married if we would not be living together or able to see each other. His brother just got married and left his wife to go do a 2-year masters degree program in Ethiopia. Now she is pregnant and he wont be able to come back until he finishes the program. So he won't be there for her whole pregnancy, birth, or the first year of his child's life. That is so weird to me.

I don't think anything is more important than family. I personally find it a bit selfish.
Now I'm interested in a 9 month program but its in Oklahoma. I asked him if we could move there. He said I could move there and live on-campus while he stay here and work. (Texas) It seems it doesn't bother him that we would be away from each other for that long but I can't imagine being even a month without him. Who's right on this?

Answer 1

Well, I am here and my hubby is working in the mideast for one year, we i.m. all the time. It will really help us get ahead fiancially, and we are both willing to make the sacrifice. You would be shocked to know the large number of happily married couples separated around the world, for finances or whatever the good reason may be. Don't have your feelings hurt if your husband suggested that, it is common. Just a matter of changing your mind-set. Why doesn't she just fly to Ethiopia to see him after the baby comes? its just a matter of getting on a plane, the pilot does the rest-lol-
Yes family is important but learning how to be on your own is important too. In late Aug. I am flying to Heidelberg for 2 weeks to see my husband, it really is no biggie. I have friends who won't even go to the mall alone, pitiful.

Answer 2

Is there any way you can find a program like that in the place where you already live? I see that as a more reasonable sacrifice than the one you're trying to make. Besides, you are the one who is having a problem being separated from him, so why not find another way where you don't have to separate?

My husband's in the military and he's deployed right now, so we're currently separated but, neither of us have a choice in the matter at the moment...but you do. Choose wisely.

Answer 3

For this there is no right or wrong. Only right or wrong for that relationship. My husband and I separated for 6 months of schooling during our first year of marriage. We got through, and everything turned out fine.

Concerning his brother and wife. If they are okay with their situation then you should be too. Concerning your situation, do you think that the separation will be healthy or at the very least a neutral influence on your life? Will the end benefit surpass the inconvenience of being separated?

Answer 4

If you feel that way then you need to find a program that is in Texas. Obviously he is not going to move. He is giving you a choice and it is up to you to decide what YOU want to do. If family means that much to you then you just don't go. Oklahoma is not the only place that has great programs.

Answer 5

I would tell him you do not feel comfortable being away from him that long of a period and that if he loves you and supports your goals then he should make the compromise to atleast move there so you have the financial and loving support of your husband. I would say that his brother and his wife are idiots she should join him there for the time so he doesn't miss out on his babies life and birth. Or atleast he could see about getting a special leave so he doesn't miss the birth. Really he couldn't take it elsewhere? Seperation is never right in marriage it can cause disconnection and distance between people it could also lead to divorce or one of the spouses cheating.

Answer 6

There is no one right answer for everybody. It seems the answer is not the same for you and your husband, which is unfortunate, and ultimately you will both have to decide if one of you is willing to concede to the other, or go separate ways permanently.

As for his brother and sister-in-law, unless they plan to visit frequently, their child is going to start life without the father, and that will be a determining factor in many of the child's early development events. He will come home to a stranger who will regard him as a stranger. Apparently they don't get it, or don't feel they have a choice.

Answer 7

You should consider finding some similar program in Texas even if it takes you more than 9 months, OR if his job isn't something special that he can easily find in Oklahoma he should consider going with you. But I wouldn't push your moving to Oklahoma if he is deadset against going too.

Answer 8

I don't know what you are willing to sacrifice, but all I can tell you for sure is that every choice comes with a consequences, either good or bad.

I would agree with you though. I find it very selfish. You can do a lot of things even being married. I am married, working fulltime, and have 1 child to take care of. My husband wouldsn't dare leave me and my son at all because he doesn't want us to suffer alone. I really don't see the point of getting marry if you have to seperate sooner or later. Why not just wait until educational purposes are finished then?

Answer 9

It is not okay to be separated from your husband for educational purposes. If both of you are residing in Texas and have been there for a long time and your husband has a job that is stable, then what is the purpose to go to another state to seek and education when you can find something closer where you both live? If he thinks that it is okay, then he must have his priorities wrong. I think you should find a school that is closer.

Answer 10

If someone wishes to better them selves through education and an amazing experience, this will only build them into a better person, someone their child and partner can be proud of. do you think it would be easy for him living apart from his wife and a child he's never seen.

You wouldn't question this at all if he was in the millitary, at least this guy will be able to get a better career with a higher salary, and be able to help a better life for all involved.