Tell me a joke?

Answer 1

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest wimp.

The first one says," My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he
crawls underneath the bed."

The second kid goes,"That's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my
mother works nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."

Answer 2

This should be in the joke section but hey. Anything to cheer you up I guess (if that's why you wanted us to tell you jokes)

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you,just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry,he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you" To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you, too."

I better not be reported. It's JUST a joke.

Answer 3

Little red riding hood was walking thru the forest one day, when she came across the big bad wolf crouched behind the trees. "my, what big eyes you have!" said little red. Quickly , the wolf went running up the road. About two miles later, little red was walking and again came across the big bad wolf hiding in some bushes. "my what big teeth you have!" said Red. Again, the wolf took off running up the road.

Little red continued on her walk, and to her surprise, she came across the big bad wolf hunched behind a rock "My what..." and just then the Wolf jumped out and yelled "WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT!!! IM TRYING TO POO!!!"

Answer 4

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around down your pantys before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

And if that's not funny..........


A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boy friend now that Grandpa went to heaven?

"Grandma replied,"Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.

The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?

"The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Answer 5

A man walks into a bank with the intentions to rob the bank he reaches into a brown bag and pulls out a balaclava mask pulls it over his head only to realize he forgot to cut out the eye holes....sorry i know it's lame lol.

A man goes to the doctor and says doctor i keep thinking about Tom Jones what's wrong with me? doctor says i know what's wrong with you, the man says is it serious? the doctor said it's not unusual.... ok that's your lot.

Answer 6

ida bin ya daddy but ya mom didnt have change for a dolla

whats funnier that ten babies nailed to one tree? one baby nailed to 10 trees

how do u drown a blonde? scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool

hope the 2nd one wasnt too much of a bad one

Answer 7

I'd probably get a violation..I don't know too many clean jokes

Answer 8

why did dairy queen get pregnant?

because burger king forgot to wrap his whopper!

why didn't barbie ever get pregnant?

because ken always CAME in a box!!!!!!!!!!!

ahahahaqhahahahahahahah

Answer 9

how can Bush tell the difference between his brain and spaghetti?

The spaghetti seems to some activity.

Answer 10

What did one eye say to the other eye?