Wife wants divorce (she says she loves me 2), & I still love her.?

Question

We both have made our mistakes and have been separated for a while now. There was a lot of family interference and now I have been served with papers. I still love her very much as I got married for the right reasons. We have a 3 y/o baby girl and we both adore her. I know she has been having "bad" advice from her disgruntled-with-men friends. We are having our "final" talk tomorrow and I know she is going to fight with me (screaming etc) but I am willing to fight for my family as I love them both.

Answer 1

If she wants a divorce, she wants a divorce. There is nothing you can say to make her change her mind especially if you know that going into the "final talk" there will be some disagreement. The worst thing you can do at that point is to try to convince her of what she is feeling. Sorry, and good luck.

Answer 2

First of all you made the mistake getting seperated. you should have discussed marriage counselling first. Anyways it has just given her a chance to see that she can do this whole parent thing without you. If anything the whole family inteference did not help matters much. Severing ties to family is almost something to consider when you marry. It is only one of the compromises for a long and lasting marriage and relationship.

Good Luck and God Bless there may still be a chance if you tell her you will do anything to keep you guys as a family if she mentions cutting out family members say YES if you want her then make some changes!

Answer 3

I am seriously considering divorcing my husband and we recently [informally] separated. I do love him, but I am unable to continue in the marriage. He says he loves me too, but changes must take place before I can consider taking him back. This separation is his chance to make these changes. I know I'm going to need at least a few months on my own.....without interruption. You really need time apart without interference and it sounds to me like you two keep going round and round and she can't really concentrate on making the right decision. Now she's serving the papers...and that may be the final answer.....

Answer 4

You can't make someone love you or stay with you. Listening and taking the advice of well-meaning friends is often a killer.......... if she is hell-bent on leaving, I don't think there is much you can do. Talk to her - look her in the eye, explain how much she means to you.

What did you mean when you said 'mistakes'...was that code for cheating? Because regardless of how much you want her back, if you cheated on her, chances are she will still love you but never trust you again.

Without trust there is no marriage to save.

Answer 5

You can't make someone love you or make them stay with you. I know you would like to have your family back but you must face the fact that your wife wants a divorce.

It's hard not to be wanted but the decision that she is making, might be the best thing for the two of you. Since you are fighting, why would you want your daughter to be subjected to the fighting?

Answer 6

If I told someone I loved them, but no longer wanted to be committed to them,riped their heart out, riped the family apart, and they had no part in making that decision but myself, did I really love them? Come on she doesn't know what LOVE IS. Love is caring for someone Else's feelings more than yours, its self sacrifice it means, baby what can I do for you , regardless of getting anything in return.

your doing the right thing, but you cant keep someone who is twisted in their own mind.

Answer 7

I'd say it's time to just move on. Once a decison like that has been made in someone's head, really, there's no turning back.

Answer 8

This article from my last newsletter may help:

Love the One You're With: Staying Married Through the Hard Times

You often hear of people staying in unhappy marriages for the sake of their children Well, recent research suggests that it is not just children who benefit from sticking it out through the tough times.

Yes, sometimes divorce is necessary but will getting out of a bad marriage necessarily make a person happier? Not according to one team of family experts. Researchers identified a large group of couples who reported being unhappily married. Five years later those who divorced
reported being no happier than those who had stayed married. That is, divorce did not appear to lessen symptoms of depression or raise self-esteem.

If you are considering divorce you may feel like divorce will eliminate a whole host of stresses from your life. However, it is important to consider the potential problems divorce can create. It is often felt that divorce will spare children the anxieties involved in having parents in a conflictual relationship but studies have shown that adult children of divorce are twice as likely to experience serious social,
emotional, or psychological dysfunction. Marriages involving adults who come from divorced families are twice as likely to end in divorce compared to those of people raised in intact families. Also, children from single parent families and step-families are more likely to drop out of school, leave home early, have poorer health, and end up in lower paying jobs. That is not to say that these risk factors cannot be counteracted but they are important to examine.

The effects on children are just one area to consider. Divorce will hit you in your bank account as well resulting in your assets being even less than if they were strictly cut in half. You also miss out on other benefits of being married which include a longer life, better health, greater satisfaction and increased success.

So, if divorce isn't the solution that what is? Interestingly the
researchers in the previously mentioned study found that two-third of those who had reported being unhappily married claimed that their marriages were happy five years later. There were three main reasons given by couples for why they were able to survive. The most common story was that partners had simply outlasted their problems, as the stress eased their happiness grew. Other couples made a decision to actively work on solving their problems either on their own or with the help of friends and professionals. Finally, many had decided they were going to pursue individual happiness despite their marriage, and in the end the marriage benefited from their self improvement.

You could look to someone else for fulfillment but another interesting fact is that second marriages have a higher failure rate than first unions. It seems that in the end your greatest chance for happiness lies in loving the one you're with, sticking it out through the hard times in the hope that overcoming your trials will help you to develop a love that will be enviable to other couples.

Whenever I complain to her about my troubles my mother always says, “This too shall pass.” It is a good point to keep in mind. Sometimes when we are in the midst of our hardships they can seem like they will last forever but one thing that is inevitable in life is change.

Divorce is a painful reality but maybe you can learn from those that have gone before. Perhaps you could hold out for a love that has been refined in the fires of your suffering, a love with someone who knows you better than any other person, a love you will come to cherish and embrace as you weather the storms of life together.

Answer 9

I love attractive poisonous snakes.

Answer 10

i think it might just be tooooooo late if you've already been served.