what to do sugestions please....co-sleepers only?

Question

my husband tells me last night he wants the baby out of our bed says it been forever and he "wants his bed back" o ya i should mention this rant came about after he stated he wished our new dog (giant deaf pitbull) could sleep in bed with him and i said no dog in bed....we'll i don't agree its right yet...

while i love my husband and think hes a good father he does not do any of the care takeing involved with the children, it's ALL on me ( i have 3 boys under 5 yrs) and its fine....

my son is 8 months old still exclisivly breastfed and wakes 2-4 times a night to feed....i love sleeping with him, knowing whens he's hot or cold, not waking up to a crying baby all night, wakeing to his happy fat grin in my face every morning....

he sleeps between me and the wall never his father and starts off in the crib everynigh and isn't in bed when my hubby goes to sleep....

my husband says no more kids (i disagree) so i'm really tring to cherish the babytime i have left.....

what 2 do

i should also note while my husband says NO MORE kids and is very passionate about this he will not do anything besides pull out (hahahaha) i will not take hormonal birth control...and because of a funny posistioned cervix the cervialc cap birth control isn't and option.... while i want more kids i don't want to have more till he's ready... i'm trying to feed as much as possable to keep from mensturating and becoming fertile.and if my little one sleeps in the crib he dosen't wake as oftin to feed.....also the baby in bed discourages middle of the night loving sessions that can result in pregnancy.....
this is just another reason i want to keep him with me

we got the dog cuz he was going to be put down.. ..hes not the dog we had in mind but o well.....hes sweet but a huge oaf

hahah i love sleeping and snuggling with him and would want to no matter what but yes it does serve more then one function and i'm not stupid i know i can get pregnant at ne time but this most definetly lowers the chances.....i love the closeness we share and the happy faces as i haul him into bed with me at night

babygirl...HAHAHA my marriage is fine.... what the hell were you reading??......my husband works very hard and i really don't expect him to do much more then play with the kids......look i'm not on any real forn of birth control so the less sex the better for the guy whos "done having kids" while i track signs of fertilaty i'm not exactly thinking of what my temp is or weater my vagianl secreations hint twards fertiliaty...it'm more like ummm penis in me Mmmmm...and well untill he figures out what he wants to do about his decison to ban childen he will just have to deal with the less sex

babygirl...HAHAHA my marriage is fine.... what the hell were you reading??......my husband works very hard and i really don't expect him to do much more then play with the kids......look i'm not on any real forn of birth control so the less sex the better for the guy whos "done having kids" while i track signs of fertilaty i'm not exactly thinking of what my temp is or weater my vagianl secreations hint twards fertiliaty ay 3:27 am...it'm more like ummm penis in me Mmmmm...and well untill he figures out what he wants to do about his decison to ban childen he will just have to deal with the less sex

DONT FORGET THIS IS BECAUS HE WANTS TO HAUL THE BIG SMELLY DOG IN OUR BED i really don't think think that will prompt more sex....and if it did that be weird

Answer 1

Tell him everything you said here.

Remind him that the baby's needs rank higher in the family than the dog's needs. (And does the dog really "need" to sleep with him?)

Answer 2

My 15-month old son is still breastfeeding and co-sleeping with me. My husband knows better than to argue with me. He hasn't changed a single diaper, given one bath, or otherwise lifted a finger raising our children, and if he should suggest that I move the baby out of the bed while he is still waking several times a night to feed, I would suggest pumping and allowing him to take care of the baby during the night. I have told him in the past that everyone will get more sleep with the baby in the bed -- less crying, I don't have to get up, the baby barely even wakes up to nurse. What's more, we also have a daughter who is almost three years old, and if she wakes up because of her little brother's crying, everyone in the house will be up -- several times a night. My son starts out in his crib but moves to my bed when it is time for his first feeding. I am not concerned about how or when he will move to his crib full-time. His big sister made the move beautifully and to this day sleeps in her toddler bed all night long. I have NEVER had problems with her getting out of her bed to roam the house or to try to crawl into bed with me. Because of her success moving from our bed to her own, I have full confidence that her little brother will be able to make the move when he is ready. As long as he is still nursing at night, he will probably still sleep with us. I figure he is not going to be sleeping with us and nursing through the night when he is five or six, or in high school. He will grow up all too fast, and I'm in no hurry to rush him. My husband is also "forbidding" more children at this point (we'll see in a year or two if he changes his mind or if I agree by then), so I understand your wanting to cherish these moments. Cherish them! As for the physical relationship between you and your husband, there are other times and places where it can happen. Progesterone-only birth control pills are safe for breastfeeding mothers, if you are interested. The Lactational Amenorrhea Method of birth control (where you use breastfeeding to prevent ovulation) is only really effective when the baby is under six months of age. I put a couple links below for you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Whenever I disagree with my husband (usually about diapering) I tell him that when he starts lactating he can make decisions/not change diapers. If you're caring for the children, then (IMO) you decide HOW they are cared for.

My husband sleeps like a rock and I don't want to cosleep on the days that he is home. So on those days, Baby sleeps in a bassinet or crib (there is one on either side of our bed) and I reach over and bring him to bed for nursing.

Maybe your husband would accept one of the mattress-extension type bassinets. He can have his bed back and your baby is still right there for nursing.

My husband misses the pitties sleeping on the bed too. :) Well, so do I.

Answer 4

well it just sounds like you have some talking to do. And when it comes time to taking him out of the bed... you will have a hard time.... or at least I did. So really its up to you two. And for him not taking care of YOU TWOS KIDS thats not far to you or them. You didnt get your self pregnant why should it be just you taking care of them. Let him know that since he pitched in on the "fun" part he can help with the dirty work. And dont let him use the excuse "o i work all day" well so do you and you deserve a break too.

Answer 5

Ackk! Sorry mama. Has he read up on co-sleeping? Does he know the benefits and the reasons behind it? It sounds like he is being a bit petualnt, but that is coming from a small sampling of his behavior.
how much do you want to try and appease him? If you want to compromise, could you side-car your son's crib by taking off one side and sticking it between you and the wall?

I have a different set up. I actually sleep on the couch and my son and husband sleep together because otherwise my 2 y.o.would still nurse all night. Soon he wil have his own room. We get intimacy every once in a while by putting the babe to sleep o the couch and going to bed together.

Answer 6

My son is 6 1/2 months old and still sleeps with us.My partner often remarks about when our son will be in his cot full time.But it's not really an issue with him it's just I think he thinks we would all sleep better if we had our bed back to ourselves.
I also breastfeed and like you,love him sleeping with me and letting him wake next to me with that lovely smile on his face.
I have let him sleep with us as it is definately easier for the nightime feeding [i must admit i'm looking forward to having a full nights sleep sometime in the near future].
I put him in his cot when we go to bed and he comes in our bed as soon as he wakes for a feed and there he stays.
When he sleeps through the night will be the time for him to stay in his cot,but until then I am more than happy to have him with us.
Tell hubby its not hygeinic to have a dog in the bed.A baby is much cleaner !

Answer 7

I totally understand you!!! My little one takes naps with me, on the otherhand, I would LOVE to have her sleep with me at night, but my husband forbids it. He say's the same thing, no more children so I also very much understand how you want to suck all this up I am too!! hahaha What your feeling is normal and I think you are doing what makes you happy. If your husband wants, he can crawl in right behind you, hold on to you, and spoon like that. Its not all your fault, your just being a mother and a good one!!!! Isn't it so nice to have that little one cuddling up to you?! Its awesome!!!! Good Luck and everything will be ok. Trust me they are only little for so long ENJOY!!!!

Answer 8

Did your other babies sleep with you?
I have two little girls both in bed with me and their dad even though they are beyond needing to do so. I love having them there, but it would have been much easier to transition them to sleep in their own bed at your sons age. It will just be harder as they get older. I am concerned with the pit bull. I also owned a deaf dog (American Bulldog) and had to get rid of him because he growled at one of the girls for crawling up to him while he was sleeping. This was a dog we had had since he was a baby. Why would you get a deaf grown pit bull?
I hope you watch him like a hawk.

Answer 9

Adrienne it is obvious that you prefer babies to men in your bed and I can't say I blame you. Why don't you get your husband out of the marital bed and keep it for yourself and your child who needs you most now. Husbands will always come back for sex as yours has proved several times. If not make him sleep with the dog and see how far he gets in the housekeeping stakes there.

Answer 10

omg wow
why should ur baby sleep away from u just so a dog can?
does he think a dog is better than his own baby?
and as to no bc measurements for him...tell him no sex until he uses a condom cuz pulling out can result in pregnancy too

and tell him its better for u
just cuz he is selfish y should u suffer
always waking up and getting the baby to breastfeed
tell him this or that he will have to wake up to get the baby
then he will change his mind

Answer 11

So, I co-slept half the night, she started in the crib and at first feeding for the night she came to bed with me or we both went to the recliner (my choice). My hubby was very supportive of nursing etc. My daughter is now 5 and only sleeps with us on occasion, never during the week. Usually if one of us is out of town and we do a little slumber party watching tv, then we camp out in the living room anyways.

I kept her in her own bed at about one. It was good timing, she weaned herself to partial nursing and her own bed at the same time.

Do what you feel is best, but I say guys have a funny (fusterating) way of expresing themselves. Maybe this is his "emotions" (the bad word) about wanting a little more you time. Yeah, everybody wants mommy, all the time. Maybe you should set aside date time or something like that, even for just a little while once a week or every other week. Guys tend to blurt out the solution (the one they have mulled over in their head) instead of talking about a problem. Guys talk a lot, but if there is a problem you see them all stand and stare in silence b/c they think it out and blurt out solutions. They don't disect the problem and come to a mutual agreement the same way women think. (Read Women Are From Mars Men Are From Venus, very funny and true!)

REMEMBER, nursing is not birth control. Yes if done effectively it can prevent you from ovulating, however lots of nursing mommys get pregnant without a period and wonder why. Nursing is not birth control. Just please be aware of that. And yes, abstenence is an infallible way, however fusterating too. A healthy sex life is a major part of a healthy lasting and happy marriage.

About that next baby, hopefully you guys can wait and see, and agree.

About that dog, scary. My hubby is very careful and protective over our dog, and with a child we think it is best to start with a puppy that way we can train him to know boundaries. Grown dogs can be grumpy, etc. Besides I will never own a pit bull, they don't let go if they do bite, and I knew a 2 yr old girl who died b/c the dog wouldn't let go. I didn't tell you this to scare you, but you need to know, as I am sure you hear from everybody including the news. Maybe he is saying that about the dog b/c you have a strong emotional bond with the kids. Make a daddy time for the kids. Maybe he can help you without really knowing itis help but is about him and the kids bonding time, so they go to him later in life too. Be creative and inventive, just not undermining and cruel or completely misleading. My hubby tends to find out what is up after it starts working right. Then he doesn't bother me b/c I was right. Sorry I tend to read into my husband to get to the bottom of the matter, always way off what he says it is. I don't assume, I just try different solution tactics until UREKA! lol. I loved that book, I think it saved me from eventually leaving him, finally understanding how he works and how to work around that. He wouldn't read it, bummer, but after he saw how things started clicking he let me tell him about it. I have even shown him a few times, "oh, this is what is really going on" He just shuts down, so now I just move on and get over it. We both have our little quirks, and mine is talking tooo much!

Enjoy all your childrens many stages and you will have awesome memories!