My husband and I both had affairs previously. I no longer speak to any of the guys but my husband's accuses me of it with everyone now. He has a child from one of his affairs and has slept with her, since my affairs were over, to try to see his kid. He had the affair for three weeks and three days to try. When she wouldn't give him anything more than a picture he ended it. I wasn't having an affair then and haven't since. He throws my affairs in my face and even tells me to go sleep with everyone I even say hi to. How do I get it to stop? He would agree to go to conselling!
2007-04-18 09:14:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You deserve each other.
2007-04-18 09:18:15 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The issue isn't proving or disproving something. You're in a relationship, not a legal proceeding. If he's willing to try marital counseling I'd say it's your best hope. When the trust level is really low it's very difficult to negotiate, and a mediator can act as a referee and structure negotiations that you probably couldn't manage on your own.
It sounds like your husband has problems with anger and/or low self-esteem. It also sounds like he has good reason to be angry and down on himself, and you gave him part of the reason. He's expressing his bad feelings in a damaging manner, and a neutral party has a better chance of redirecting their expression than you do. A good counselor won't take sides, however, and will expect you both to take responsibility for the situation.
2007-04-18 09:34:43 · answer #2 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is way beyond couseling. For one it's quite obvious that you two don't really love each other. If your both having affairs. The best thing for you to do is end it with your husband because the accusing will never end. If you have no kids with your husband that makes it even easier to get on with your life with someone that won't accuse you and that you don't have to prove yourself too. How stressful.
2007-04-18 09:25:30 · answer #3 · answered by feb1121 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is obvious that the normal marriage routine is over. It is going to be tough. Trust is the key in any relationship and the both of you have taking that trust and flushed it. Can the trust be returned? That falls on you and him. First, understand you can not make him want to try and earn your trust, all you can do is show him that you want his trust. To do this, you will have to make huge amounts of sacrifice. There will be times were you might feel like everything you are doing is for nothing, but remember that your husband has been hurt, just like you were when he cheated on you
2007-04-18 09:31:58 · answer #4 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to ask him what proof he needs to put his mind at ease. Then, you must provide it.
A friend of mine was unfaithful to his wife, and in order to keep the marriage together, he had to do the following:
1) GPS tracker on his car;
2) Use a cell phone she provided;
3) ALWAYS pick up the cell phone no matter what he was doing or where he was at;
4) Surrender his bank card - could only carry no more than $20 in cash.
5) Give her access to his credit report (so she could look for other accounts);
6) Be at home by 6 pm every night;
7) Stayed at home on weekends.
That's was the price he had to pay for his infidelity.
2007-04-18 09:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by Big Super 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there are some huge trust issues that you both have to deal with. Counseling may help but communication and being kind and respectful to each other is a great start.
2007-04-18 09:20:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think one of the reasons my realation ship is so good is i just dont put up with that stuff he would be out the door if that hapend to me i understand that you feel just as guilty but hes really being unfair to you and you both are equal id give him a tast of his own medicine to me that sounds like a sign that he may still have sumting going on and trying to cover it up by throwing stuff youve did back in your face to me it sounds like you two are not meant to be anyways
2007-04-18 09:23:25 · answer #7 · answered by Honey Badger Doesnt give a Shat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you both have a lot of issues but there is always hope. Counselling may help.
2007-04-18 09:26:31 · answer #8 · answered by Jean E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him at least you didn't get pregrant any how thi is what you do , be sweet as apie, cook his favorite meals all the time nassage his body and don't NAG and give him whatever he wants in the bedroom afterall you are HIS WIFE if you love him you will be willing to make him happy no matter what! he is #1.
2007-04-18 09:29:11 · answer #9 · answered by leapyrangels 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only proof you need is to remain being FAITHFUL.
2007-04-18 09:30:20 · answer #10 · answered by Badmus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a really great marriage.. i agree, you deserve eachother..
2007-04-18 09:19:34 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋