When to end a marriage?

Question

I have been married for 12+ years, we have had so many tough challenges and made it through but after a lengthy affair on the side of my spouse and his insecurity issues and a lenthy emotional separation I feel like I am at the end of my comitment. Don't have anyone else, don't want anyone else but when I think about all the love that I don't get I wonder if I should let go. I still worry about him and how he is doing but am afraid to let him know I do. I miss him but can't stand when he calls unless it's to be nice because most of the time he's either a downer ot talks about himself too much. Maybe I am being hypersensitive as I write this but I have let too much time go by not understanding my feelings and wondering if I should let go. How do I know if this is the right time or the right thing. How do I know if there is anything left or I am giving up too soon. I know I feel better now that we are not near eachother but am always happy to visit or be visited. Don't know what to do.

Answer 1

What you need to do is file for divorce today. He is't worth you giving up your life and being unhappy. Just move on and don't look back.

Answer 2

Well, hun. It sounds like you have been through alot. If you are feeling better since you have been sperated from your spouse, then maybe you need to be without him. No one can tell you "when" the time is right, that is something that you will have to search yourself for. If you are not getting the love that you need, then there is no relationship. There should be love and trust on both ends. One person can't give all the love and get none in return. 12 years is a long time to invest in a marriage, but it is also long enough for you to fid out things about your spouse that you needed to know. If you are happy being friends with your spouse, and nothing more, then you should remain that way. You're life is not over just because you've invested 12 years into one person.
Talk to your spouse and let him know exactly how you are feeling. Truth is, he probably already knows and he is just waiting for you to admit it to yourself.
You can't stay in a relationship just because you are afraid of hurting the other person. It is not fair to you or him. Let him know what is going on. Then take some time for yourself and focus on what you want. Just because you are ending a relationship with one man, doesn't mean that you have to go right out and find another. You NEED time to heal.
But remember, you need to talk to your spouse and be honest with your feelings to him. He will respect you for that and the friendship will probably withstand it all. I wish you good luck in whatever you chose. I hope I have helped in some way. Lots of Luck!

Answer 3

If you really read what you wrote you answered your own question - "I know I feel better now that we are not near each other". If you felt otherwise I would say that the answer would be to try again, but since you feel better being separated and apart I'd say the marriage is probably better off left to die it's natural death. Good luck to you and God Bless.
P.S. Get your life together and God will bring you another companion.

Answer 4

It’s not worth it to ruin your life just because you have been in love with somebody some time in the past...
You are not living your life, what you do is suffer…
Your thoughts are permanently fixed in your husband and you feel bad thinking about his affairs...
Your husband is using you, he calls and visits you to make sure, that you are still there if other options fails... that’s nothing to with love, that’s simply being selfish and covering his back...
You say that you don’t want anybody else in your life and I do understand you, how could you even try to think of another person in your life while you are living with all that mess around you?? You feel fed up, fed up with the situation, fed up with your husband, fed up with yourself and fed up with life in general...
It’s no way to think that it’s better to stuck with somebody because of the fear of being alone...
Believe me, sometimes being on your own is the best you can do, you find time to clear your mind, grow strong again, not being influenced anymore...
And the world is a beautiful place, there are so many people around, but you won’t see them or even take the chance to let them come into your life, as you are still fixed on your husband.
You are not born to suffer; you are born to live your life the happiest way possible.
It’s not easy, I know, but you will get by the same way I had to and so many other women in your situation as well.
Be strong and finish that insane relationship, there is absolutely nothing left worth to spend energy and tears on it.
You are the only one who is suffering and all you do is hurt yourself and get into a deeper depression.
Women are not born to stand evil and selfish behaviours of her husbands and keep quiet and suffer in silence – don’t stuck to that old fairy tale, nobody will recompense you for destroying your life.

Answer 5

If you can think of your life without him, and think that it would be better, it's time to move on. You have been through a lot with him and I commend you on trying to work through the affair. But sometimes enough is enough. You have some soul searching to do, that's for sure. Just imagine your life without him, feel how that would be, and let your feelings decide, but don't let him take advantage of you.

Answer 6

Sounds like you do still care but maybe you just need some space to heal and then you can come back together. Since you don't have someone on the side and if she doesn't either then perhaps you have a chance at starting over new?

Answer 7

You need to end it sweetie. Life is too short to be unhappy. I recently went through a divorce and it is the hardest thing but YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! some days I felt like "running away" but I stuck to my guns and held my head high and got through it. Be by yourself for a while. Stay active with friends and eventually you will find someone to be happy with. Life is a journey, not a destination.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for how you are feeling, you first should talk to a counselor, and then talk to friends, and be active, and get into exercising or get a little puppy and it is amazing how much wonderful therapy animals are!!!

Second, when I was legally seperated from my husband, I went through those exact same feelings, I was happy to be alone and raising my daughter by myself, I did not want another man, I just wanted me and my daughter.

After I was going through some tough times with my daughter at school and a fallen relationship with another jerk, I got to talking to my husband whom I was seperated from, and he really was there for me, I really enjoyed it when he visited and little by little, I did not realize it, we were getting closer and closer.

Well, after I broke up with the jerk I was seeing, he was no good he was cheating on me anyways, my husband and I really had some wonderful talks, and we were getting closer and closer, and during one talk we bonded, and eventually ended up getting back together again.

If you still have feelings for him, then I suggest you just talk to him, and if he doesn't want to talk to you, then you really have to move on!

Lean on your friends, lean on us, and keep us updated, we are all here for you sweetie!

Answer 9

See a counselor - there are alot of things you must think about - kids, possession of belongings, etc. In my opinion getting a divorce must be a very conscious decsion because if yuo think the marriage was tough, wait til you try & work thru the divorce. Very tough emotionally & physically.

Answer 10

I think you like the idea of being with your husband, but reality strikes and when your with him your not happy. I think it is time to move on. it will be hard at first but after time you will feel free and be much more happy.