How to avoid or stop arguments in relationship?

Question

Me and my gf always argue over small things, we do not know the reason at all. We can fight about everything. I know this is very unhealthy and I want to find a solution. I am the man that can change and make things better. I am wondering what is the tip or resource that can help us to get a better relationship. Really need help on this since we are in a bad term right now.

Thanks

Answer 1

if there are just too many fights, then it's not worth it. maybe you two shouldn't be together.

Answer 2

My bf of 3 1/2 years had the same problem. We argued over every little thing: dishes, going out, tv, clothes, etc. We both just made a *decision*, like promise to just stop. Stop arguing. If something upsets you or her. Just be polite and say "honey could you please do/don't do this, it makes me feel _____". It sounds a bit fake to do that with the person you're in a relationship with, but think about it. When you get into conflicts at work do you argue with your coworkers? No, you compromise to save you job and just make peaceful resolitions. Treat your gf with the same (even more) respect that you treat your coworkers. Relationships are about compromise, sometimes this means you must "lose" some battles, but if you win a peaceful relationship, it'll be worth it. Now, if you both attempt *wholeheartedly* to do this and after a few months she doesn't uphold her end and compromise as well, then you may need to seek couples counseling to see why she won't end the conflicts. God Bless you guys!

Answer 3

I don't think that you want to avoid arguments. Arguments are an important part of the relationship that allows both of you to blow off steam at each other and address different perspectives. Unfortunately, most people believe that arguments are bad. Arguments are neither bad nor good - but how you handle an argument can affect your relationship.

An argument is not a fight. They are two different things.

Before you really get into an argument, ask yourself "Is this a battle I really want to fight? Is it that important to me?" Only you can decide this.

The first thing that you must remember in an argument is that someone is trying to tell you something. In order for them to tell you, you must listen. So, shut up for a minute and listen to what they have to say. Repeat it back to them so they know that you understand what they are saying (sounds stupid - but it helps). You need to be heard as well, so say what you feel - if they interrupt, tell them "I listened to you - please listen to me."

2nd - an argument is not a fight. An argument is two opposing points of view being stated. However, an argument can turn into a fight if you are not careful. As such, you must be calm at all times. No matter what is thrown at you, what names you are called, regardless, you must keep your calm. I prefer to do this by "setting aside" whatever is thrown in my way. For example, if someone called me stupid, I would respond with "None the less..." and state my position again. If the argument becomes a fight (and sometimes it does, despite my best efforts), it's best to put the whole thing aside, and come back to it later.

3rd - Resolution. The outcome that you want to achieve is resolution by both parties, which won't always happen. Ideally, she wants you to agree with her, and you want her to agree with you. In a healthy relationship, I've found that about 45% of the time she'll come around, about 45% of the time you'll come around, and about 10% of the time you will both agree to disagree (core values, stuff like that).

Hope this helps.

Answer 4

No, its not always a good idea to walk away from an argument. It may leave your partner feeling that whatever they are arguing about is not important enough to you, for you to devote even a minute of your time to, causing them to resent what you see as your "mellow" attitude. They may see you as rather being cold and uncaring. It's the right thing to do if tempers are getting the better of the people involved - if its descended to name calling, dragging up the past, or if it even hints of violent behavior. Its ok to walk away, providing that you are willing to discuss whatever the problem is/was in a calmer moment, but not if you are going to ignore the matter altogether, just so you don't have to deal with it - ever. That is not the way to be IN a relationship.

Answer 5

Sometimes when you are around someone too much you start to annoy eachother and start arguing over everything maybe you should do something away from eachother for a night or maybe you two just need a change of scenery go away together for the weekend or just spend a day somewhere you both have never been also when you see a little silly fight coming just don't participate in it but really it just sounds like you two need to go somewhere together and just spend sometime having fun it will rekindle things and make it better -best wishes !

Answer 6

The most important thing in a successful relationship is respect. If you speak to each other respectfully and accept each others opinions, whether you agree or not, you'll see it's not that hard to get along. Hopefully, she's not just an argumentative person. If she is, you'd just better get used to it. Good luck.

Answer 7

never Never go into the bedroom angry, that is most important.. While you are yelling don't forget to shut your hole and listen to her .. You both have opinions and maybe neither of you are listening to the other person after all you both may have the same thoughts on a subject but different interpretation's. Take time to listen and observe once in a while you might be surprised on how silly your arguments really are.

Answer 8

Sounds like you both like to be in control. Why? Both of you have to stop behaving like juveniles and learn how to diffuse the situations or figure out why each of you always has to be right. Be more respectful and listen to what the other is saying before turning it into an argument. Otherwise, I don't see how you two are going to be long term.

Answer 9

Considering my husband and I got in an arguement last night (well, he had 12 beers which started it) I'm very interested in how others will answer this. I did a search on arguing and found the web site below. I haven't read it yet, but thought I would post it for you first.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

i've noticed that the objective of arguing is to convince the other person to agree with us, or see that we are right.

i've decided that everyone does not agree all of the time... so when someone is arguing with me or disagrees, i try to listen to their side of the argument. then, i ask them to listen to mine.

many times, we have to compromise, or agree to disagree. it's not a bad thing.

i think that being understanding and respecting the other person's opinion counts for a lot.

you could talk with your wife and let her know you don't want to argue about everything anymore. tell her that you won't always agree, so maybe you both try to come up with another solution, a compromise -- or simply agree to disagree...

i hope that helps? take care.

Answer 11

If you are constantly fighting about insignifigant matters either you both like the squabbeling or you have no respect for each other's personal opinions about issues and therefore do not belong together.