Marriage with Child adoption.?

Question

I have been with my current girlfriend for 2 years. She has a 3 year old son who is from a previous boyfriend. His real dad has never seen him. I have basically been his dad. Now he wants to obtain custody and my girlfriend will not give it to him. She says that I have to decide to marry her and adopt him now or she is moving out of the state. We have talked about marriage but I feel our relationship is just to unstable right now for that. I dont know what to do.

Answer 1

You ought to tell your girlfriend that even if you did marry her, her son's real father would have to give his permission for you to adopt the boy - which, from the sound of it, he is unlikely to do.

Answer 2

First: What makes your relationship unstable?

Secondly:Most likely even if you marry her and legal adopt her son, his biological dad might have legally give up his parental rights even though he has lad little contact with the boy. Consult an adoption lawyer about this.

Thirdly: Before this event of the ex wanting to gain custody, did you have a good relationship with your gf and did/do you love her. Before the custody issue could you imagine your life without her? If that answer to that question is yes, then no do not marry her. If the answer is no you couldn't imagine your life without her, then consider that this is a hiccup in your life with her and consider marriage.

If she leaves the state should possibly be charged with kidnapping her son, in spite of his biological father having little contact.

Before this custody/adoption issue started you could truly say "I'm deeply in love with my girlfriend and can not imagine ever being without her." Step up to the plate, be the man and marry her. For Better or Worse.

If you decide to leave, then again be a man and don't live with someone until you take that walk down the wall.... Most live in arrangements have a higher percentage of break ups than those who wait for marriage.

Answer 3

My wife was married before and had a son from the marriage. His bio-father had only seen him once when he was 2 weeks old and even then he told her to never bring the kid around again. Well when we got married the boy had just turned 2 and I adopted him. The judge in the case basically told the other guy that he could either give up his rights or pay 2 years back child support and go to jail for a few years for abandonment. I am the only dad that my son has ever known and that is the way it will be. He is my son and no one can tell me otherwise.

Answer 4

If you feel that your relationship is unstable right now, then don't get married. Your girlfriend doesn't want to marry you because she loves you. She wants to marry you to use you to keep her ex from getting custody of her son. And if her ex has never even seen the kid, then I doubt that any court is going to grant him custody, especially since he is going to have to prove her to be an unfit parent to a child he's had no interaction with.

If your girlfriend is threatening you with an ultimatum of either marrying her as a convenience or leaving you to move out of state, then that should tell you exactly where you stand with regard to how important you are in the relationship. It's basically her way or the highway. If she tells you that you would marry her "if you REALLY loved her", then you should help her pack. Think about this really hard......

Answer 5

well if you love her and the child then do what's best. But don't do it if you aren't really sure. But since there is a child in this and you have been there for him and you are all he know as a father then don't take that away from him. Adoption could be the best thing. It's all about the kid, and there is no way a judge would let a man have full custody of a child if he has never had anything to do with him until know. He might get like weekends or something or everyother weekend. But just do what's right for the kid, if marrage isn't right at this time then don't

Answer 6

Why did your girlfriend jump to the conclusion that if you two don't get married immediately, she'll have to move out of state? I don't think a marriage proposal based on an ultimatum like this is sound. Either she's panicked and not thinking clearly, or she's got too many personal problems to care about how you might feel.
By the way, the child's biological dad won't be able to get custody because he's never seen the child or shown any interest in him up to now. Moving out of state will also not negate any of the court drama if he decides to drag his case through family courts.

Answer 7

Marriage isn't the answer, because if now the father wants custody he obviously will not be willing to give up his paternal rights, so adoption wouldn't be an option unless he choices to terminate those rights. You sound level headed enough to know that your relationship has been to unstable, if she chooses to move out of state to avoid a custody battle she is a fool, since all he has to do is file and once a court date occurs she will have to appear or risk loosing custody. She can run but she can't hide. You may want to convince her to get legal help before making such rash decisions that could impact everyones life to include her own child.

Answer 8

Never give in to an ultimatum such as marriage. It only ends in divorce. That isn't fair to that little boy. He deserves more. To make a commitment of marriage, it needs to be for all the right reasons. If you feel that things aren't stable right now and that you aren't ready to be married, then don't do it. You are just asking for trouble.

It is true that you can't adopt that child if the bio-father has not given permission to do so.

She seems like she jumped to what she thinks is a quick-fix solution without really thinking of the consequences. She may be scared of her ex-bf. Tell her that you'll be by her side, but that you aren't ready for marriage and by marrying her is not going to change the situation with her ex-bf.

Good Luck!!

Answer 9

Listen to me very carefully. My brother (he's an idiot) married a woman with a kid (I think she was like 8 or 9 at the time). They got married and he adopted her. The marriage lasted only a few years, then can you guess what happened? That's right, he had to pay child support until she was 21 for a kid that wasn't even his.

I'm not trying to tell you to do it or not but just be very careful because if you adopt this child HE IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY just as if you were his biological father. Even if your marriage doesn't last you will pay child support and medical bills and college tuition.

Good luck

Answer 10

I don't know what state your in but here is something about arkansas . I was going to have my ex husband adopt my son from a previous marriage whos dad had never been around the state though said that even since I had full parental rights I would have tohave the father sign over his rights further to have anyone adopt him so... she would have to consult alawyer no matter what .. and if your not ready to be afull time dad and accept the terms that that comeswith you shouldn't adopt the child and shoudl talk to her about! good luck

Answer 11

the correct answer to an ultimatum is always the same... you dont negociate, or give in to "terrorism" .... if you adopt the kid are with her for a year, and are not you will be paying child support on a kid that isnt even yours for the next 14 years...thik, I am pretty sure thay you dont need the drama, or someone with that kind of noose around your neck... If you love her, talk to her and let her know what she is asking, and if she doent have the consiteration for your position, ask her to leave the country since leaving the state probably wont be far enough