Ok.. We seperated for a while to get our heads together. I thought he would never want me to come home again. But he did. We decided I would come home this Friday but I came home last night. Everything was great over the weekend when I spent the night, great sex all night, and we went to the drive in ( great past time) and talked. Last night when I came home I felt weird, and still do. He doesn't talk, like he is scared to say something wrong, or that he made a wrong choice. We tried to talk but it was weird. I feel unwanted, like a burden. We ate then I went to bed and he said he would be in bed with me shortly, I was glad to have him sleep with me again..But he slept on the couch, and this morning we didn't talk. Does anyone know what is going on? Anyone been thru this? Will it get better? I textedhim this morning asking what I needed to do to make it work because now I'm confused, that was 3 hrs ago, no call or text back. I'm confused.
2007-04-18 05:42:53 · 10 answers · asked by ERICKSMAMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Plus I'm pregnant, could this be the only reason he wanted me back?? He said he wants the best for the baby. Maybe he just thinks having me live with him again will be right for the baby, but at the same time I feel left out.
2007-04-18 05:44:08 · update #1
Hmmm...well I'm gonna dig into the archives for this one.
Back in the day me and my exwife were married for 8 years and we separated for a short time. I think, it was less than two months. Then it was my idea to get back together because of the two children. Well, I learned very quickly that having is not the same as wanting. Once she was back it was great for a day or two ( even though I did not attempt sex with her yet).
I would say, in less than 1 wk all those reasons for separating were back in my head. Needless to say we played the back and forth thing for about a year, until finally moving on.
We never spoke to each other again, the two kids were separated 'cause of her and they don't talk or nothing these days.
I have to wonder if wanting was one thing for him and having is yet another. If he fails to communicate then all is lost, it is destined to fail, in my opinion. If he only wanted you 'cause baby, then he really did not want you, only wanted to " Save" you, as if you need him to save you.
I think, its time for a face to face meeting of the minds. You really cannot be playing this back and forth like I did - that is a waste of your time & effort, and you need to find someone who loves you, wants you, and will help you care for & raise your child. If this is to end, don't try to keep a dying relationship alive if it is not worthy of that life. If he cannot put forth effort equally, then you already know what you must do, and tell him to " Not ask you again to come back, to mofe on with your life as well."
This is my best advice, based on trying that many times and ending in disaster. Once its over no matter how many times you play it out it is still the same - its over !
2007-04-18 05:58:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You two have a great deal to think about here, aside from your marital issues...You are now bringing a 3rd party into this world - an innocent child.
If he feels it is the "right thing to do" by having you return, then you both need to face this, what could be, painful fact. If he is sincere and wants you back - that is, IF HE STILL LOVES YOU, he seems to be walking on "eggshells"
This is awkward, but you need to sit down and talk and ask him these hard questions...If it turns out you two are no longer in love, then staying together through the pregnancy and may or may not be a good idea. This is a really hard problem you've presented and really, some counseling is called for by a professional. Don't you think?
People do stay together for the sake of pregnancy/child...Is the right thing to do? Some say that it is...But I can't imagine anything MORE lonely than being with someone who did not love me anymore. I really can't...
Grace
2007-04-18 05:49:50 · answer #2 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of the house. If you are going to get back together, it needs to be a lot slower... Start with dating again - No sleep overs, just old fashioned dating. See how that goes. Take it slow like you would if this was a new relationship. If it is meant to be, things will become comfortable again - It won't happen though if you just jump back in to the relationship like you have. You need your own place.
As for your baby - the best thing for it is two parents that love it - regardless of whether they are together or not.
2007-04-18 05:51:18 · answer #3 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's either one of two things. One, he genuinely did want you back, and as you said, he's just scared. Scared of saying the wrong thing? Scared of getting close and then having it fall apart again?
The other possibility is that as you said, he is only doing this for the baby you carry, and he thinks it's the right thing to do... Even if he has no feelings for you.
The real way to find out the answer to this is to be straightforward about your question and ask him about it. I can't really tell you what is in his heart.
2007-04-18 05:49:23 · answer #4 · answered by Kestra SpiritNova 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He`s confused too. It will seem like your both walking on pins and needles for a while, but if it`s meant to be then it will be. He does feel a sense of obligation to you because of the baby. Hopefully you have plenty of time to work things out with him before the baby comes, because a newborn can add alot of stress and you will need all the support from him you can get.
2007-04-18 05:56:12 · answer #5 · answered by MISTY 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very very happy for you. You know I really don't know what to say. It sounds like he's in shock. I know he loves you. He may be in shock that you're actually back together and doesn't know how to talk to you. Please just go to him and tell him that you love him. Tell him that you two can work things out. Tell him that as long as he tries to please you, you will be accepting. He's going to fail every now and then. As long as he is making the effort, I think you two can build the intimacy back.
I really don't know why he hasn't called you back. I am really happy you're back together. Hopefully everything will be o.k. Give it time.
2007-04-18 06:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My bet is that he's a good guy but he's in shock because of the pregnancy. I have four kids and God strike me dead if I'm lying, but I was in shock every time. The subconcious realization of the added LIFELONG responsbility for another human being gets to some of us. I think it's those of us who are deep feelers, such as yourself. And seeing as how you are such a deep feeler I think it is reasonable to assume that he is too as you two were attracted to one another enough to GET MARRIED!!!!
If I were you I would hold him and tell him everything is going to be alright. Just hold on and don't let go. He's just scared.
2007-04-18 05:49:36 · answer #7 · answered by VOTE RON PAUL 2008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is weird and different because you both are at a different place in your relationship and have went to a place of no return and that is having a child together and that is important but take him for what he say and not what you think.
2007-04-18 05:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by beecharmed_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is alot more going on here! We can't give good answers!
2007-04-18 05:46:22 · answer #9 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me like he found something in the house that upset him, ie: a guys #, a card or whatever, but it sounds like he found something to be mad about.....
2007-04-18 05:53:17 · answer #10 · answered by just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋