We have been married a few days short of a year. We were so happy at first. He wanted children, I already had some and did not care if we had more or if I stayed with my four. He wanted a baby and I wanted to make him happy. I am a good mom and we were finacialy okay and it seemed like an okay idea. We have now had three misscairages. One was spontantious, one I got struck by a car crossing the street(I had the right of way he made an illegal turn) and that baby was due 04-24-2007. Finaly in December I had a misscarige when I did not even know I was pregnate. Bled so bad I had to be hospitalized and an ablation was preformed on my uterus to stop the bleeding. I am still bleeding (5 months now) daily and am going to have a historectomy next month.
Husband says I am too moody and I need to get over the baby thing. As bare as calling me the B word. Teling me he loves me at one time and then describe what he perseves as me and I don't see how he can love that person. He
2007-04-18 05:03:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are going to a marriage councler next Tuesday wich is our aniversary and the Due Date of the middle baby. I do my Mom and Wife jobs (cook, I am home when they come from school, lotts of lova to the boys) and I try to meet the Mr.s' "needs" that he has even though sex is hard for me to do now (litteraly painful, NOT a lack of desire, because he is ...well, a sexy fella) I still try once or twice a week to "releave" him so he is not "frustrated". He is used to daily poll-vu not weekly and I know he has to be frustrated, but I can't keep up. I have been bleeding for over 5 months, I carry a 17hour school load (full time is 12hours). Prepping for my surgery that is comming up, and I am just tired.
We have talked about adoption (advice from our Bishop was to adopt) and have had two chances to adopt and he just said no. He wants a baby between he and I. I have four children from another marriage and I love them. I had not planed on having more before I married, but now Iwant2
2007-04-18 11:19:53 · update #1
first of all, don't let the baby thing get to you. My wife and I have been trying for over 4 years now and had a miscarriage. We were so happy she was finally pregnate and withing 24 hours, bam miscarriage.
As the guy, I do feel bad about her not being able to have a baby and somtimes can feel that it's my fault, but in all honesty, he doesn't have the right to be calling you the B word and so forth, but if you are constantly nagging about the baby thing it can get aggrivating at times for him too, as it does with me.
it's not something that can be forced to happen, it'll just happen when it does...
I know that's not the best of advice out there, but it makes sense....to me atleast.
Chris
2007-04-18 05:11:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to read about the loss of your three unborn babies and now after the removal of your uterus, you are right you will not even be able to conceive, but you never wanted that to happen. So, stop blaming yourself. You have lost more than what your husband has (your organ, emotions, confidence and maybe self esteem also).
In this period, you husband should have been more supportive than ever. Not everything is lost though. You could try to have your own kid through some other's womb. There are surrogate mothers who rent their wombs and even in Nigeria one lady could not afford the cost so she got the baby implanted in her own mother's womb. You could do that too. If not mother then sister or sister-in-law.
If the loss is yours then its your husband's also. So try not to be too moody, if you have become one due to subsequent losses (just in case).
Time is a great healer. Everything will be normal after some time. Just give yourself time to heal the wound.
2007-04-18 05:37:59 · answer #2 · answered by sanjay 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It really doesn't sound like your marriage or relationship was based on love to begin with. Sounds more like a marriage of convenient breeding.
I'm sorry that you lost several children but you have more value to a man, to a husband and to others than to just be a brood mare.
Infertility is not destroying your marriage, your self esteem associated with your only worth being a person who bares children is what is destroying your marriage.
You have four children, you've given your contribution to society as a child barer. Now is the time to move on and reevaluate your priorities and do more for your future and the future of your children.
2007-04-18 05:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by briardan 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Losing a baby is an emotional experience. You do need to take time to grieve you loss. This may have been more real to you than your husband as this was life inside of you.
Though you need to cope, you also need to be sure that you are not neglecting the family that you do have. Your present family may feel unimportant to you as you obsess about what could have been. They love you and will support you through this just don't push them away by constantly whining and complaining or arguing. Be more loving yourself and you will get more love in return. Appreciated more what you do have. Tell your husband that you do need his support to get through this tough time. Men like to be needed.
2007-04-18 05:17:08 · answer #4 · answered by truly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry to read about your tragedy. There's no reason why you should feel like the guilty one when you are clearly the victim. If he can't accept what has happened then that's on him. Don't be the only one who tries to come to terms with this loss. He must also. You already have had too much going on and you don't need the added stress.
2007-04-18 05:16:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
u need to c a marriage counselor. If you are not able to have kids then I feel terrible for you, and I don't know you. If this is your husband, and he isn't comforting you through this time of loss, then seek professional help. He should love you now more then ever because you have suffered so much together. It should not be the other way around.
2007-04-18 05:12:34 · answer #6 · answered by ellasdaughter2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From your explanation, it sounds like you are the one who is destroyed by this, which is completely understandable. Sit down with him and let him know that you really wanted to have a child with him, but it was not meant to be. If he really wants a child of his own, seek out either a surrogate or adopt. I am so sorry for what you have gone through. Be happy that you are blessed with four children, as some women never get the chance to have one.
2007-04-18 05:09:51 · answer #7 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You and your husband really need to seek counseling. I'm really sorry for the recurring miscarriages. If you already have 4 children you have already been blessed. Get a 2nd opinion before having the hysterecotomy.
2007-04-18 08:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by Answer Girlz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you need counselling. You need to learn o cope with the devastation of your miscarraiges. Yes, they are horrible experiences, but is time to let go, your husband needs you back and you are obsesed about it. YOu already have 4 beautiful children, what a blessing! you man loves them too.
Also, counselling will be necesary when you get yoru histerictomy done. You will go through serious psicological changes normally associalted witha histeroctomy (loss and grieving), you will alse need to be treated with hormones, that will make you even moodier.
2007-04-18 05:38:18 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe he doesnt want to think about it since it hurts you both so much. seek counsling and see if they can help you.
2007-04-18 05:36:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋