Wasn't it better when people married at a young age rather than wait till they were so much older?

Question

Back when people married their highschool sweathearts they married when they were fresh in the world with not much past or history. The couple started out young together and went through everything together from the start. Now everyone waits so old to marry and end up divorced anyway. Marrying at an older age means getting involved with someone who has a past and you never know for sure what that is. If you marry someone who is in their 30's, how do you know if they have cheated on their taxes or owe the irs lots of money, how do you know what stds they might have picked up in their years of casual relationships, their situations with ex wives and obligations to children from previous marriages? Isn't it better when people marry young and begin their adult lives together rather than collect so much baggage along the way? Almost everyone ends up in a second marriage and not because they married young either, as most of they divorced guys I have met married in their 30's or 40's.

Answer 1

I agree. If there's a chance that you can still finish your education to the college level, I think it's a great idea. As you say, the divorce statistics are pretty much the same anyway. I just recently read about how, at least according to a survey in a British paper, people who get married young are just as happy as those who get married when they are older. It's also nice to have your children young so you can enjoy your later years with grandchildren.

Answer 2

The true fact is the the divorce rate for those under 25 is 80%, and decreases as people age. I'm currently engaged and 37 (1st wedding) and I can say I'm thrilled I didn't get married at a young age, as I am a totally different person now than I was as a kid. Obviously there are people who get married as kids who remain amrried for life, and those who marry in their 40's who end up divorced, but statistically, lifelong marriage doesn't favor teen marriages. I will also tell you, I would strongly discourage any child of mine from getting married before their late 20's.

Answer 3

I'm not sure if I agree with you, but you have some valid points. I married young (21), and divorced 5 years later. I think before two people get married, they need to know what their personal goals in life are and that of their partner. I believe that is hard to accomplish at a young age. I can only speak from personal experience that we did not have a clear understanding of what each of us expected in living a long life together. What kind of career are each of you going to have? Will it require more school? Where are you going to live? Do you want kids and when? Who will be responsible for them, does one parent stay home or do daycare? Who is responsible for paying bills, doing chores, maintaining the house, etc.? So, I don't believe age is the determinate in marriage. I believe you need to know yourself and your partner.

Answer 4

Golly! You just gave a lot of reasons why you should stop looking for a guy to get married to!

You got married very young, and your husband walked out on you leaving you with a child to raise on your own. So your own experience disproves your point.

On the whole I think waiting to marry gives the relationship a better chance of success because the people will have a better sense of who they are and how much effort a relationship takes. But nothing is guaranteed, is it?

Answer 5

Back in the "good ole days" women married young because they had few other choices in life. MANY of them wound up in unhappy relationships with a man they no longer loved. They stayed together because divorce wasn't really an option for them. Men became detached and avoided their home life. Divorce was scandal and most women who did divorce where considered scum in society.

The only reason the divorce rate is so high today is because woman and men don't have to stay in unhappy relationships to be socially accepted.

I personally believe that divorce rates are so high is because people confuse sex for love. They don't give a hoot about companionship, communication or compatibility. They consider someone their soulmate because sex is so great. Men often marry women because they have sex anytime he wants to and he believes this will stay the same after marriage. Once children come along, and all the responsibility that being a couple entails, bills, mortgage, career . . . they are no longer compatible because they are pursuing either one or the others path.

While dating they didn't communicate their feelings because they didn't want to not be dating. Women settle for men they aren't really compatible with in order to have a man in their life. Men settle for a woman they are not compatible with because it's steady sex, they don't want to have to go out searching for it.

Sex is 15 minutes of a relationship. Compatibility and honest communication makes up the other 23 hours and 45 minutes.

Answer 6

no... people who get married young have little life experience, don't get to enjoy their lives first.

yes divorced people have baggage and pasts...

but the same holds true for children -- they have baggage and past, too. some not so pretty.

everyone chooses their own character and the type of person they want to be. spending some time around an individual, will tell you all about them. you won't have to ask questions if you are observant.

take care.

Answer 7

Tough question, remind me to star it, I think the answers will be interesting.
Society has changed. The way people view the world is so much smaller. I think as people, everyone wants to discover as much as they can before they settle down.
Although the maturity level is different these days; I mean youth of today is maturing at a different rate than the youth of the 1950's. They no know more, but care about less.

Answer 8

Some people want to be financially stable and also they want to experience things before making the commitment.

I personally married young, but I understand why others wait. We struggle financially and the stress of children is sometimes a lot to deal with at our age.

Answer 9

first of all,,,,I would REQUIRE an aids test and std testing PRIOR to marrying anyone regardless of the age involved...Just because someone is only 20 doesn't mean they are a virgin...Nowadays virginity is lost fairly young like 14 or so....

and secondly, this is really up to each individual person...I prefer a more experienced man...and he is not getting experienced if he has never touched another woman....

Up to you...I hope your life goes well...just a sidenote...most marriages that occur when very young never last (not that any of them last today anyway--I choose to remain single)

Answer 10

Depends on the person. Everyone is different, some young people are too immature to marry forever. Older people may be too jaded to marry forever.