A Huge Mess?

Question

I fear I've made a huge mess of a problem I'm having. Recently, I began to suspect my husband was having an affair with another man, and rather than confronting him directly, I sought the advice of friends and family. Now that I've finally confronted him with my suspicions he has not only denied them but is very upset that I discussed this matter with several other people before him, who have now formed their own opinions of him based on what I said. Is there anything I can do to make this situation right?

Answer 1

Just because he denied it and is acting upset, he still might be gay, he just hidding it. I'd leave him along until things get back to somewhat normal, then keep a close eye on him. Suspicions don't materialize out of thin are and are usually just the tip of the iceberg.

Answer 2

You suspected that your husband was having an affair with another man. Why? You know what male bonding/friendship looks like. So there must have been something else going on here that put up red flags in your brain.
Instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks you need to make sure that you believe him completely. If you do a lot of soul searching and come to the conclusion that you were being paranoid then you need to talk to these people and explain that you were just being paranoid and that you were wrong about what you thought.
You should have talked to him first. That being said, we all need a support network - people that we can discuss things with, bounce ideas off of, etc. Now that you have been put in this situation, next time you feel this way you will be hesitant to use your support network. Don't. I'm really hoping that there was nothing with your suspicions but I have the feeling that they will be back because something was telling you that something was not right.

Answer 3

It's understandable that he would be upset. Whatever your reasons for suspecting him, he would like all of that to be something that family and friends don't discuss. On the other hand, you sought advice from friends and family because their opinions would help you to deal with this problem. And since they know him pretty well, their opinions were useful too. Should you have gone elsehwere? To whom? Someone who didn't kow him? Also, you were upset - and they are the people who come through for you when you are upset. If he was not having an affair with another man, then at least now he knows that he gave you cause to worry and why. If he was, does it really matter than family and friends know - he's got bigger problems on his hands than their reactions.

Answer 4

you really can't make it better. What will have to happen, he will make the decision if he want to remain with you. Personally. For me it would be hard. I don't know why women always feel we need to talk to people about our business. Of course they will form their own opinion. Now that he has denied it, I hope you won't just drop your suspicions. Most of the time we have these gut feelings and they are mostly true. Next time, don't talk to everyone. Find the evidence on your own. Persent it to your husband. Is there a reason you feel that he is cheating with another man?

Answer 5

ewww big problem. No I don't see how you can put
"the cat back in the bag"
and are you 100% sure he is telling you the truth about not having an affair, with either a man or woman?
well you can wear a sign that says" I spoke before I knew the story" , will that make it right? no! may be fun for him to see.
the damage has been done. and you can bet your friends will not soon forget all the sorted stories you already told them. sorry, this one is a no win.

Answer 6

I think you really showed your lack of trust by going to others. I know the need to talk to others about things that are going in our lives, but we have to look at the outcomes if our suspicions prove to be wrong. Always confirm things first before bringing others in. If he was cheating, it's likely that he would admit it. You should always approach those situations with dates, and times. Never leave room for lies. He's going to monopolize on the fact that you told others, rather than the fact that you suspected him of cheating in the first place. Learn how to be the best investigator you can before you bring others in on what may be nothing.

Answer 7

think about the reasons you were suspiscious your husband was having an affair with this other guy?

is he still spending a lot of time with him?

you may be right.....

sometimes it's better to seek advice from ONE person -- a minister or therapist or someone who will keep these very sensitive matters in confidence, without telling others (who might be judgemental).

take care of you. i hope it works... i guess that you could seek marriage counseling to work this out?

Answer 8

Go to the people that you discussed it with and tell them you make a big mistake. Then ask your husband's forgiveness and let him know that you will never go to someone else before talking to him first about anything.

Answer 9

he has every reason to be upset with you. You went around telling your friends and family that you think your husband is sleeping with men. What guy wouldn't be mad. Even if it's true, you should have talked to him about it first, if not for any reason then out of respect. He's still your husband after all.

Answer 10

I agree with some of the posts that say you opened your mouth and told the wrong people....Major mistake!

BUT...I wonder why you'd think he was doing what you suspected in the first place! THAT is what I would concentrate on right now...On finding out if my hunch is true or not!