I was going for it this way, to settle things amicably, but my ex has gone the other way. He's made stuff up, to make me look worse. even though he could have just gone for irretrievable differences and he's asking for a settlement, and allowance. I did go off with another guy, but only after ALOT of other stuff, emotional abuse, sometimes physical. he'd touch me even though he knew i didn't like it. i want to just say that the things he said weren't true without going through everything that happened in court. what should i do?
2007-04-18 04:43:00 · 15 answers · asked by sleepyme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the things he has said were about money. that i never paid for anything and left with loads of bills, but it's actually the other way around. i used to pay for everything. what should i do?
2007-04-18 04:45:31 · update #1
My mom always said... "It takes two to fight"
You can defend yourself without fighting or being nasty. Show proof of bills paid. Accept responsibility for your own mistakes. Continue to politely request what you think to be a fair outcome. Continue to re-evaluate what is *fair* considering both sides of the story (yours and his).
Right now, being nasty back to him just makes you nasty, too. It doesn't make him stop, does it?
You get to choose how *you* respond, how you behave. You have to make choices that you can be proud of for yourself.
2007-04-18 05:21:33 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to divorce is civilly --- otherwise, if you get an attorney, and he gets one, your are in an adversarial stance, and the only ones who come out ahead are the two attorneys with all of YOUR money. Get some divorce paper off of the internet to see what they look like....agree with your soon to be ex how those lines will be filled out. Then use a Mediating Attorney who represents you both. Each of you must agree on who gets what, and forget the bull shi(t), crap of accusing each other of stupid things. It is in the financial interests of attorneys to keep things stirred up. If you don't want your estate to disappear, get real, and get fair. After you look at the divorce papers, know exactly how you want things filled out. The less time the mediating attorney takes, the less $$ it costs. He then files for you -- it is signed by a judge, and your divorce date will be on the papers your are each sent. Cost --- $75-300. You do it the other way and each of you can kiss $6000 x 2 away..... So, forget the crap, hon. Agree with him it is over, now "let's get on with our lives."
2007-04-18 05:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage isn't at all like it's made to seem. I know exactly how you feel. People who's on the outside looking in has absolutely no idea how hard it is to be with someone who has no respect for women and can always see the negative in any situation. Men are so spiteful and liars. I just want to say to you to remain strong ans true to you to remember that he may shine now but his day will come soon. God said that he never put more on us than we can handle.
2007-04-18 04:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by beatyful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me see if I understand this.
You claim he was nasty, abusive.
So you respond by being abusive as well, yes in my book being unfaithful is as much emotional abuse as anything others call emotional abuse.
Now, you want to play nice.
Well, he gets his day in court, and you get to tell your story. If what he is saying is untrue, then it should not hurt.
However, if it's true, then you have to take your medicine.
You keep saying what he should do, but frankly there was no reason you couldn't have filed for divorce for irreconcilable differences, waited for the divorce to be final, then meet another man.
I'm sorry, from here it looks like you stooped to his level and now you don't want to keep playing the game you started.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation.
2007-04-18 05:40:04 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In your situation it sounds like it will be difficult. If lying is occurring already, it's not good.
In my experience, it was not too bad, yet we still had difficulties. The hard part is that there needs to be communication, but with lack of trust, alot of anger, and emotions running high, communication takes a back seat. At first I could not talk with her, so I wrote e-mails. I reread each e-mail so that it was to the point and not mean or angry.
2007-04-18 04:58:54 · answer #5 · answered by nite_cap 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was just through a very similar experiance only my ex told my children lie after lie after lie. I must tell you it took about everything I had not to kill the man. I kept my head up told my children to use thier memory ( they were at home at the time he was saying I was so terrible) and went on. It still boils my blood to think about it however he is a loser and everyone that he tells this crap to knows he is lying so it really makes him the fool in the end.
2007-04-18 04:51:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be able to produce copies of checks sent to bills with your signature on them for the court! i would consult your lawyer and come up with any proof you can of your soon to be ex's past behavior. talk to your lawyer! there has to be some protection from people making untrue accusations in court (at least you would think!). and if he's saying that you never paid any bills how would you have money to pay him an allowance if you couldn't even pay the bills!
2007-04-18 04:48:06 · answer #7 · answered by JM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but he isn't going to make it amicable. The best you can do is tell the truth and try to be reasonable, but I'm sure he is going to try to punish you as much as he can. With what you have said about him, I would push for an order of protection.
2007-04-18 04:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by A friend of Bill W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just to be as nice as i could. I mean the worse thing a judge hates is for someone to defend themselves out of line. wait your turn and tell her that you were abused, emotionally and sometimes physically. Tell her that you couldn't handle anymore of this and that's you left with someone else. That you couldn't get out of it for so long and that you were terrified to leave him because of the physical abuse.
2007-04-18 04:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmmmmmm
sometimes people can, its rare though
My sis and her first husband remained nice to each other, no major issues, etc. It was like who gets the cat , I think. Still very sad though. They went out for dinner after I think.
I hope mine will be like that.
If your partner is violent, telling lies in court, etc. Just spend everything I figure.
2007-04-18 04:50:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋