Their Divorce is Tearing Us Apart?

Question

Hello. I am 20 years old, married to the love of my life for two years. We are generally very happy and have small, but not major, fights. We are perfect for one another and compliment each other well. Until about 3 months ago everything was wonderful. I found out that my parents (both biological) are getting a divorce, and there has been a lot of drama. Anyway, since finding out my husband and I have been fighting a lot more about things that aren't even worth the fight. It's like we're both on edge about the whole thing. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I know that he loves me with all his heart and we don't want our relationship to be repressed and on the fritz just because my parents are getting a divorce. They have been together for 24 years and are separated at the moment. My dad and I do not speak because of issues in our past. How can we survive my parents divorce and continue to love and honor each other? He is the love of my life and my soulmate I wont lose him

Answer 1

even though your parents' divorce does't belong to you, it can cause you some distress... but it should never interfere with your marriage and i'm sorry to hear you're putting yourself through so much, hon.

i think that the first thing i would do, is ask my husband to sit down and talk with me.

ask him to listen first, and then tell him how you're feeling about your parents' divorce. You can say "I feel stressed, sad, scared, angry.....and whatever feelings YOU are experiencing at this time" . Then let your husabnd know that you know your worry over this situation has put added stress on YOUR own marriage.

Ask your husband if he could try to be supportive and understanding.... after all, your parents were married a long time, and even if they need the divorce, you will still be grieving the loss. It IS a loss.... in many ways (even if it is a good thing when it's all said and done).

Meanwhile, you can try to focus on other things -- spend time with friends, go out on dates with your husband, focus on your hobbies or whatever it is you like to do in your spare time.

If you need someone else to talk with, perhaps you have a best friend or relative who will listen? Sometimes we just need to get our feelings OUT in the open, to discover and explore them.

If you need extra help, you could do a search for Coping with Parents Divorce, and you will find a lot of good information on line....

Take care of YOU and try not to take on your parents' problems as your own. They actually don't belong to you, even though they have affected you deeply.

sending hugs.

Answer 2

Why are you letting your parents divorce affect your marriage. This is "their" issue, not yours. I would seek counseling to find out why this is affecting so much. Since it's your parents that are divorcing I'm assuming that you are starting most of the fights. There is nothing wrong with getting counseling. With the world the way it is today, I believe everyone should seek counseling at least once in their life. Have your husband come with you too if you'd like. Start there.

Divorcing parents can be traumatic, especially since you are so young, therefore seeking help is not such a bad idea. Make the phone call right now, before it puts a bigger strain on your marriage. Talk to your husband about it and ask him to support you during this time.

Answer 3

Can you identify what is triggering your spats? Are you on edge/tempermental/depressed/easily upset due to your parents' situation? Ask your husband the same question I just asked you. Also, married couples typically wait WAY too long to get counseling -- they put it off until they are really deeply entrenched in problems and it's hard to make sense of everything that's going on. Get counseling NOW -- even if you don't need it too much, it can only help. If money is an issue, and you attend a church, most churches offer free counseling.
God bless you!

Answer 4

U 2 better shape up. Point blank. Ur parents had what they had, and now it's over. I know it hurts but it's their marriage and their decision and not urs. U and ur husband have no control over what they do, and to a point, it's none of ur business and out of ur hands. Don't make their issues ur issues. They had 24 yrs. U should shoot for 84 yrs. Stop fighting and support eachother. That's what u need. U 2 have to come to a mutual agreement about why ur arguing, and then make a verbal agreement to eachother to not let it come between u. & then follow through with it.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about yet another divorce...but my advice to you is "to thine own self be true". Sometimes divorce can spread like a cancer, and it seems like this one is trying to spread into your marriage. Distance yourself. Tell both your parents that you hate what has happened, but you need to focus on your own relationship. Sit down with your husband and openly discuss how the two of you can actively avoid falling into the same pattern as your parents. Honesty about how you and your husband feel, honesty and communication without judgement, is what will see you guys through. Good luck.

Answer 6

My husband and his exwife went through the same thing. When her parents spit up she went crazy though, started throwing things and screaming all of the time. It was because her parents were her rolemodle of a family, and then suddenly that was ripped apart. Maybe that's something you two are going through. You just need to sit down and talk about it before it does tear you apart.

P.S. I'm sorry about your parents, I can't imagine how rough that has to be to deal with.

Answer 7

I think you are worried that your marriage will follow down the path of your parents.
You should see a relationship counsellor, together and individually to work out why you are turning on each other and how to stop this destructive behaviour

Answer 8

first off you need to stop worrying about your parents. dont let either of them start talking about what is going on with them. they need to do this on their own without bringing you into it too. plus it is possible that you are each taking a side and that isnt good for you either. when my dad called me about something like that i told him that i loved him and mom but i couldnt help with this and that i wouldnt take sides. parents will understand if you tell them how you feel and what it is causing at home

Answer 9

ok you know how you just wrote all of the above down??
say it to him.
honestly you need to talk and tell him how you are feeling.
now a lot of ppl dont like this idea but it works for me,whenever me and my hubby have a problem we get a bottle of wine dim the lights and talk...we have solved some serrious issues this way.it may not work for you but it does for me.then usually we make up in a very good way.

Answer 10

Well since they are your parents, you are probably at fault for your current problems. Stop bringing them up to him and expecting him to help. There is nothing he can do, in fact there isn't anything you can do either. You are allowing an outside event tear your marriage apart. You have to stop it or it will be on your head.