My Fiance wants to commit suicide- Help!?

Question

have been with my fiance for 4 1/2 half years. I have never cheated on him! This past month, I have been talking to a guy behind his back that lives up north. The guy and I were not talking about personal issues and knew very little personally about each other. My fiance found out and he went ballistic. I apologized and he says he is over it. He has become outstanding paranoid though. He has always been jealous but now he checks my emails, forum posts, bills, call history, & text messages about 10 times each a day. We have been arguing for the past couple of days & he has threatened to kill himself. He is a man that never cries & never showed remorse. A couple days ago when we were in the car, he kept punching himself in the head & left bruises. He doesn't eat anymore and skips class & work. Everytime we argue, he says that he is going to kill himself. He has already broke his phone out of anger & hurt himself on his forehead. I have no idea if he just wants attention or what? Help!

By the way, he always picks the fight. He finds reasons to argue with me and when we do argue, he cries out saying he has. He said he is going to kill himself about 7 times on numerous occasions. He scares me and automatically I try to comfort him. When he tried punched himself, I automatically hugged him and cried out for him to stop. I kept hugging him and told him everything was alright. Last night he skipped class and came home after he said he was going to do it once again, I went to his house with the kid I was babysitting to make sure he wouldn't do anything. I tried kiss and making up with him. I am so scared for him but I feel less in love him. He scares me and it makes me not love him as much. He always argues with me and says he doesnt trust me. I don't know what to do!

Some people kept saying that it was wrong to talk to another guy behind his back. I already know that and apologized countless times. You don't know that he talked to a girl in his class behind my back for awhile & I found out. They were always seeing each other & such. I never did these things that he is doing now. I know what I did was wrong! But one BIG mistake in 4 1/2 years? I try to tell him everything between the guy is nothing. I even asked him to call the guy which he denied. The guy up north knew about my fiance & knew I was engaged. The guy up north & I weren't seeking a relationship in that way. It's complicated. He is very jealous. I was always cool with that before though because he wasn't that bad. Now it has got to the point where I feel threatened & scared for my life. The Virginia Tech incident put me to think that life can be taken away from so easily. I just want him to be safe and return back to normal. I am falling out of love but high hopes of getting back.

Some of you either misunderstood what I was saying or are just idiots but try reading the whole thing before judging me. I never ever cheated emotionally or physically. He is 28 years old and not a child. I have just recently been engaged (since Christmas).

Answer 1

erm.....the word psycho somes to mind! i think it would be a good idea to get him some professional help, take him to a consellor or a psychiatrist......and then re-evaluate ur relationship.

Answer 2

First of all shame on you for talking to another guy behind his back, but we've all been guilty of it I'm sure. I don't know any other detail of ya'lls relationship and the obvious answer is pre marriage counceling. But if he doesn't get his personal issues resolved a marriage will only be flooded with tears. You say that he has always been jealous and now he is violating your rights as a human being. What he is doing is considered stalking in most cases and you could even go so far as press charges. But let's not be rash, you love the guy I am sure. You need outside help and FAST if not from a councelor where you both have individual and couples counceling, or your family gets a thourough heads up, or police. you don't need to try to "fix" him or try to do it alone. The killing himself being a cry for attention...I believe so but you can NEVER disregard any threat of suicide as only a threat. I know that 4 1/2 years is a long time to be with any one person, but why were you calling another guy behind his back?? (as plutonic as it was) It could mean that you are looking outside of the relationship for fulfillment of some kind. Take a hard look at that. Are you willing to put forth all the needed effort.

Answer 3

Hi Hon....

the first thing you could start doing is TAKING CARE OF YOU!

step back and take a look at this man... he is self-destructing and not dealing with issues in a normal way at all.

sure, it's normal to argue, and try to solve problems, but hitting himself in the head? threating suicide?

breaking things because he's angry? it could be your arm or head next!

and he doesn't show feelings?

and is jealous all of the time? there is no room for jealousy in any relationship, hon... it's very destructive.

Your fiance has some deep emotional problems, which you can't fix. You can urge him to see a therapist and a psychiatrist, but it has to be his choice.

Look at your life with this person 5 or 10 years down the road... it's not going to get better, only worse.

We always have to take a GOOD, HARD LOOK at the person we intend to marry. They don't change easily. I'm very afraid for you and what might happen if you continue this relationship.

Ask yourself -- Is it really worth it?

Please seek help for yourself. I've also posted a link on suicide which has helped many people...

Answer 4

He is not going to kill himself, if he was he would have done it already. Besides, the people that kill themselves never tell anyone because they don't want no one to stop them. So your fiancee is lying when he say that. If he is being that dramatic about you talking to a guy then your fiancee is insecure about himself. He is just trying to get your attention, make you feel guilty, and by betting himself up he is making sue you don't leave him. However, he does need to seek help for his anger. Do you really want to marry a guy like this? Tell him you will leave him if he continues to keeps this type of behavior. I guarantee he will stop doing it.
Good luck to you.

Answer 5

He needs serious counseling. You have to convince him of this. If you cannot approach him with this, then talk to someone in his family about it. This is not normal behavior. You do not want to have a relationship with someone who is that insecure. Do you know if he is taking drugs of any kind? Also, when you are babysitting do not take a child with you to him when he is having one of these episodes. It's not a good idea.

You have to somehow get him to agree to counseling. When he is in a good mood you can try to bring it up. Tell him that you love him but that his behavior is of great concern to you. You also may need some time away from him. Although you are his fiance, I would think twice before ever marrying this guy. If this is now, imagine how it will be if you are married.

Good luck. Get some help for yourself as well. He may be crying out for help. but it is not your responsibility for his well being. You care, of course, but it's up to him to seek for help. He's got to understand that this is not normal behavior.

Answer 6

Why have you been engaged for that long and havent gotten married yet? Maybe that's a good thing becasue of the way he's acting, I personally would not want to be with someone who threatens suicide, I would leave him now becasue what will happen if you really do marry him? If you feel your relationship if over then get out of it dont stay becasue you feel sorry for him or are affraid he will kill himself.

Answer 7

You have to validate his emotions. He has the right to feel angry because of what you did to him. Take responsability for yoru actions and understand that you have hurt him deeply.

If he is hitting and threated is because he is angry and frustrated and self-injure is common of a person that has suffer deep emotional shock. Yes, he might what your comapssiona nd attention because you are not giving it to him, since you were too busy talking dirty with another man and now pretending that is nothing and nothing happend.

This relationship is toxic and you should tell his parents/relatives about it. Tell him that he has become unstable and that is too much for you to handle. You don;t need for him to manipulate you into staying by becioming self-destructive, even though you were the one that caused this.

You don;t need to be responsible may he follow though with his treats. This es emotional and toxic blackmail and you need to get out and let him cool off.

Good luck

Answer 8

Sounds like this guy has you right where he wants you with his threats of suicide. If he really wanted to kill himself he would not tell it to you he would just do it. He is in this way controlling you and keeping you from moving on. Tell him that you care about him but that if he wants to kill himself there is nothing you can do about that but put on your best black dress and go to his funeral. He is acting like a spoiled brat and is just throwing a tantrum to get his way which every time you react the way you have been doing he is getting just that. stop being controlled by his tantrums and suggest that he gets help to work through his issues. But get away from him and move on...QUICK!

Answer 9

this is what happens when couples don't talk to each other.
i know its too late now but why talk to someone else about issues you could have easily reached out to him on? well its too late for that now.
this is what you do,go for counseling,now!!!!!
you both hand in hand.
given that you have high hopes ,this could mean there is still a chance.
yes he wants attention,yes you brought out the psycho in him,yes he wants to cause damage to himself but probably not as bad as he wants to inflict on you.you need to be care full.
if you leave him this will get worse.he might really do something then.find some one he is close too and have im intervene too.some one he trusts.
goo luck,you re so gonna need it.

Answer 10

I didn't read all of that but you gave him reason to think you were cheating. You were talking to another man and didn't tell him about it. Regardless of what you talked about you kept it a secret. I say call a suicide hotline for him. Get him some help before he seriously hurts himself.

Answer 11

Boy has he got you wrapped around his baby finger. Honey he is unstable and has found the perfect way to keep you anchored to him. You need to get out of this relationship before his tantrums turn on you. He is very dangerous.