What to do when you are married and some else rocks your boat?

Question

I have been married to my high school sweetheart for a long time, we have children and a very good marriage. Over the last 5 years I have met a person that really rocked my boat as far as believing I couldn't love anyone more than my spouse. There is nothing sexual between this person and myself, but just being in their presence is paradise to me. We both feel this way about each other but we have never acted on it.

What do you do when you have someone touch your heart the way this person has? It is not a fancy or puppy love, it has been this way for several years. I avoid the person and I have tried several things to remove them from my life. The basis is that I can not get over the fact that someone has touched my heart at a much deeper and fulfilling level than my spouse ever has or could? What is a person to do? Any Advice? I feel like a liar to my spouse but I have not betrayed them, but it doesn't make life any easier...

Answer 1

Well so far you are doing the right thing by not acting on your feelings. Have you seen the movie "I think I love my wife" If not there is this woman on the movie that "rocks the husband's boat" but in the end he realized that he really did love his wife. It's just that they (the man and his wife) had gotten into the manotony of marriage and this new woman brought in a newness that him and his wife lost, which many couples do after years of marriage if they don't really work at keeping the "fire" burning hot. Stay away from this woman at all cost or you will eventually cheat on your wife with her. Start concentrating more on your wife. Start dating YOUR WIFE again and doing things as if she was not your wife. Have sex in the car, go out to dinner and a movie, suprise her with little gifts and be spontaneous. Call her from work and tell her you are thinking about her and that you love her. Do some roll playing...."cheat on her with her" if you understand what I mean , let her act lie she is someone else. If she is willing to do these things with you I gaurantee you this other woman will diminish in your thoughts little by little and you will discover a new desire for your wife. This woman is only desired by you because she is forgibben territory. Men live for the chase (a natural desire to get and conquer) if you "chase" your wife as if she was not yours you will desire her again. And purposely began to think about all of the things you love about you wife and how much you love your kids and the good times that you all have and you want want to loose that or mess it up for any women. If you did get with this woman eventually manotony will set in with her just like it has with your wife...think long term not just in the now.

Answer 2

You'll have to make a choice. Maybe its time for a change, make sure that this isn't a new infatuation because you may have gotten into a rut with your spouse. Spice things up at home first, see if you can't get your spouse on a new level with you in more ways than one, try to connect to her they way you're connecting with this new found person. If you give it your best try and come to no avail, then take some time to yourself, drive somewhere alone and spend some time thinking about what would happen if you do decide to split from your wife and start a life with this new one. Think about your future that may happen with the new one, is it worth the love you have a home, are you sure you have a future with her that it will stay strong like this, are you sure you won't get into a rut with the new one and find someone else and start all over again. You need some you time, some time to reflect on whats really important and listen to what your heart is saying. You'll know the right choice it just may take a little bit. But good job on staying faithful to your family! Thats great and I really do hope things work out for you in the best way they can in the end.

Answer 3

First of all, you need to grow up and think about your spouse and children! Second, if you honestly feel this way, then get out! Don't put someone through all the lies and pain b/c your only thinking of yourself. My husband cheated on me and when I found out, it riped my heart out. Never in all my life did I think something could ever hurt so bad!!!!! Seriously, how can someone who says they love their spouse so much ever do this to them???? You may not be physically cheating but you are emotionally and that's just as bad. Cheating is cheating. You need to take a time out from everyone, including your spouse and think about what you really want before you make any kind of decisions, because for you to fall for another person like that, there is obviously something wrong in your marriage! Get counseling or any other means necessary to resolve this issue. Then if you still feel the same way about the "other person", then get a divorce. Do things the right way!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Ur doing good by avoiding this person or else it would be far too tempting. It isn't that ur wife cant touch ur heart like this other person, but u just forgot because u been together for so long. U feel like a liar because of ur emotions for this person. Think about what made u love ur wife in the first place. Try new & exciting & playful things. Make ur good marriage a great marriage. U really love ur wife & that's why ur reaching out. I commend u for being faithful. This other person may be a wonderful individual, but not for u. Don't give in to temptation.

Answer 5

Sometimes you just need to take a deap breath sit back and watch things as they happen. You obviously want to be with your family or you would have left them already. YOu have to ask yourself what would life be like waking up without your sweetheart, what would life be like without seeing your children everyday, and more importantly would leaving all that behind you for some new adventure be worth the trouble? Maybe even take the time and think what it was about this special person that touched you so much and try to incorporate that into your families lifestyle. Maybe it isn't that you love that person so much you just desire something that person had that you and your family don't. Only you can make a descion like this for yourself.

Answer 6

Be very careful because sometimes you feel like the grass is greener on the other side of the fence when in reality it isn't. You're getting attention from someone that you find attractive, someone who you get along with very well. But since it is a no no, you find it even more intriguing. Stay away.

I tell you this, because the same thing happened to me, for years. We both felt the same way, but we tried not to act on it. But the more we tried not to act on it, the more we wanted to be around eachother. Well, lo' and behold, it happened. For almost two years we had an affair. It was exciting, at first. It felt good to be wanted by someone else. After so many years of being married to the same person (my high schools sweetheart, as well.)

My life turned absolutely upside down. My husband and I separated and he went to live with another woman (OMG). I had been paying so much attention to this "other" person, that I began to neglect my own. But someone else wasn't. We almost lost our home and became so indebt because of the craziness we went through.

Well, to make a long story short, I now realize how much I love "my" husband. No one can take his place. We are now in counseling together and individually and have started to take care of eachother. We go on dates together and we are having fun together again. We are so in love with eachother again. It's wonderful.

I suggest counseling for you individually at first and then together with your wife. Don't risk what you have. Because as they say, you don't know what you have until you lose it. We learned that the hardest way possible. Start focusing on your marriage. Take it from me, you don't want to go through what we went through. We are now making plans to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this summer. and I thank God for that.

Avoid this other woman. It's a facade. Run the other way. Look for the beauty in your wife. Remember why you fell in love with her in the first place.

Answer 7

I know it is hard to wonder "what if", but I would not take a chance on destroying something great, to get something 'potentially' greater. That to me would be like a billionairre taking outlandish risks to become a trillionairre....what is the point!!! The risk doesn't seem to match the reward except for you and your secret admirer. There are many others lives that you could corrupt besides your own if you were to test the waters. If you are comfortable with your marriage and your kids current upbringing, I would not do it. It would be selfish to jeopardize life's treasures for your kids and wife because of your selfish venture for perfection. Who's to say this new person is going to be as perfect as she appears, and who's to say you won't run into the same situation with another stranger down the road. I'm done preaching...just don't be the one who justifies his actions of betrayal for the greed of the perfect love....perfection does not exist and if you are happy where you are, then maybe that is as close as you are supposed to come.

Kenny Rogers once said, "You got to know when to hold em....know when to walk away, and no when to run"

Answer 8

I think it's time for a decision to be made. Now i'm not the one to ruin marriages and i am totally against divorce but if your feelings are that deep then you need to find something wrong with your secreat lover. Something a little bit more harsh than the toliet seat being left up or boxers on the floor. It might not hurt to talk to your husband and try to refresh his past before you and laugh about it, then speak of your lover as if he existed back then and watch hubby's face if its a sign of heartbreak then you have to kill all communication with secreat lover if not the maybe you should just leave and let go

Answer 9

I feel that if you really had a very good marriage as you said then you wouldn't be here asking us this question.There is probably a void in your life that you are missing and the other person is giving it to you.You must ask your self who is more important to you your family or you and the new one???
besides how would you feel if it was your husband feeling this way about a another women? You must make your own choice as we really can't tell you what to do.Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 10

This is in which adulthood and dedication come into play. You made a dedication in your partner to be precise. There are many folks on this international that you're going to come throughout with a view to "rock your boat", however the mature and the correct factor to do is to honor your dedication and vow that you just made in your partner. This is what marriage is all approximately.