Forgive and forget?

Question

Is it possible for someone to forgive but not forget? Sometimes I feel as though those who do not forget are just not pure creatures...over the years situations just stick with me, some of them I don't even think are significant at all, yet they'll pop up suddenly and I'd remember some stuff about it.
In other situations, I just don't know how to forget things, I'll get into a fight with a friend and even though ages later everything is fine, I still can't forget some of the things that have happened. Friends keep telling me to "let go" but I have NO idea how to do that...does talking to the person who I haven't forgotten the situation for help?

Answer 1

Forgive and forget is a load of crap! I've read numerous studies recently on forgiveness and a book on forgiveness from some of the leading researchers on the subject. They all make it very clear that forgiving has nothing to do with forgetting. The greater the hurt the more difficult it would be to forget it. So- the first thing I would encourage you to do is to destroy the word forget and do not let it anywhere near forgive.
The reason is that forgiveness is a process. It often takes time. It is a mental decision, not a feeling. It is releasing anger and a feeling of revenge from yourself and has nothing to do with the other person who hurt you. You give up your right to get even or to hurt them back. But, it is a process. A big hurt- you can decide to forgive, be good for an hour, then it comes back. You just have to keep letting it go as it comes up and keep moving on. That doesn't mean you haven't "forgiven" someone, b/c forgiveness isn't an act- it's a process. Like learning to ride a bike. You decide to get on, but then it might take a while to learn to ride. For some really big hurts it might be like the hurt cut off one of your legs, and so now it's going to take you extra long to ride the bike....but forgiveness is deciding to get on the bike and try to learn to ride.
If someone was sexually molested as a child- they can't forget that. Can we tell Holocaust survivors that they need to forget and move on from what happened to them? No....instead with time and practicing forgiveness, hopefully the memory of the incident will no longer cause us as much pain.
Another important fact about forgiveness....it's not the same as reconcilliation. If you were abused as a child by a parent and now as an adult you have no relationship to that person- you can forgive them, but do not have to have a relationship with them at all- b/c just b/c you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to allow them to hurt you again. You can forgive, but still need self-respect.

Hope that helps- burn the word forget forever- forget it.

Answer 2

It is most certainly possible to forgive and not forget. Unfortunately our minds remember hurtful as well as good things. This is something we as humans cannot control. Our hearts on the other hand can and does forgive people who have hurt or offended us. I don't know anyone that hasn't had
or have the same thoughts you are having. Always remember the longer you carry a grudge the heavier it becomes. Perhaps you can talk to this person and it may help. I don't know the situation therefore I cannot tell you a discussion will be the answer. It may make it worse for you to forget. Here are a couple of other quotes that may ease your mind. ITS EASIER TO LEAVE ANGRY WORDS UNSPOKEN THAN TO MEND A HEART THAT HAS BEEN BROKEN.
THE BEST THING TO LEARN IS WHICH BRIDGE TO CROSS AND WHICH BRIDGE TO BURN.
Please just move on and that will make you not only a better person but a happier person. I hope this helps. God Bless.

Answer 3

It is possible to forgive and forget. It's hard to forget more than forgiving. It depends on the situation. It helps to talk to that person, to see why the situation even started. If you be calm and talk to that person maybe you will realize everything happens for a reason. It may hurt you but you will overcome it. Forgiving is the best thing you can do. It will take some time to forget.

Answer 4

This might sound like a bunch of crap, but it is true. If you TRULY forgive, then you will forget. I have experienced it. Things that I thought I could never forget have become clouded memories at best over time...because in forgiveness, I have taken the sting out of whatever it was. Without the hurt, an event is like a car without gas...it cannot go anywhere. It just stays there, and eventually rusts.

You have to want to forget...because if you do, forgiveness can be very easy.

Answer 5

When you forgive someone for something, you cannot throw it back into their face ever again. Because you already forgave them for it. You don't have to forget it. No one ever expects someone to forget an event. You just can't bring it up in a negative light again. Forgive and move on, that's what I believe. If you were not able to move on from the situation that brought about your forgiving someone, you should not have given your forgiveness in the first place.

Answer 6

The way that our minds are wired there is no way to forget. Especially something that caused you great pain. We need to remember to learn from these situations anyway so that we will make better choices the next time. Having said that it is healthy to be able to forgive. The only person that gets hurt when you hold a grudge in the one holding the grudge.

Answer 7

I don't believe you can actually forget, but how you feel about the person could change in time. You can still recall what happened, and it will remind you of how you felt at that moment, but the memory might not upset you as much as it used to. Think about it then and you'll know if you have forgiven or not.

Also, talking to the person doesn't always help. Sometimes it can get worse. Don't force yourself to forget. You'll get over it in time.

Answer 8

I think all of us forgive but don't forget. I think it's one way we learn is from these experiences which could involve the need for forgiveness.

Letting go is different. It's good to let go, to not let it bother you so much. Time plays a role in this.

Maybe what people mean by forgetting is that they don't think about it so much, even think about it so little (bothers them so little) that it is like they forgot.

If you haven't let go and you are constantly thinking about it, have you really forgiven? I tend to think not. If you have forgiven, but can't let go, perhaps you need to actively do something like talk to or write a note to the person you forgave or do something else to somehow jumpstart that letting go.

Answer 9

We don't forget because the "issue(s)" have not been resolved. I would suggest going to your friend and let them know that your are struggling with forgiving/forgetting. Try to iron it out in a civil manner and start with an apology or offer and apology even if it wasn't your fault( verbally state that you forgive if in fact you have forgiven). You'll see that the person will "soften" with the apology and it will be easier to resolve the issue. Then you will be able to truely forget and have the piece of mind you desire. Hope this helps...

Answer 10

I think people who say they forget are lying, because they want to appear pure hearted. When someone does me wrong, I never ever forget. I usually forgive very easily, but if they do me again the same way, I remember the last time, and the second time around my forgiveness isn't guaranteed.