How do my husband and I tell his 6 yr old daughter we are having a baby?

Question

She has said she wants a sibling. Oddly enough, after we found out, we asked her again and she said she doesn't want a brother or sister. What is the best way to tell her and let her know she will still be loved just as much. We have her as much as the typical divorced father: 2 weekends a month and every tuesday. Help! We're affraid she'll dispise her new sibling and feel less loved!

Answer 1

Here's what we did when I was expecting & my stepdaughter was 8 years old.

First, we waited until we had the doctor's appt where we heard the heartbeat, just to be sure (or as sure as we could be).

We didn't tell *anyone else* about the pregnancy before her.

On the drive home from the pickup, with her in the backseat & us in front (driving is a good time to talk to kids about stuff that you're not sure how they'll take - they don't have to deal with the emotional stress of eye contact, on top of the potential stress of whatever you're talking about), we had the usual "So, how have your last two weeks been" conversation. After we'd heard her news, dad said "Guess what we did this week? We went to the doctor and he said that you're going to be a big sister!".

She was guardedly happy about it.

But, what really pushed it over for her was that we let *her* be the one to tell everyone else *our family's* good news. We made her a t-shirt that said "I'm going to be a big sister" & let her wear it to an extended family picnic that afternoon. She got all the "Wows" & hugs & excitement from everyone & that really helped her to see what a good thing it was going to be for her.

Answer 2

Congratulations!!!!! I think you two need to tell her in an easy way. She's only 6 and will change her mind often about wanting a brother or sister. Once she gets used to the idea, involve her as much as you can with your pregnancy. Let her read and sing songs to the baby. Take her out shopping to buy her little brother or sister new toys, clothes, etc. Make sure she knows that no matter what the two of you will love her just as much as you did before the baby. Once the baby is here, let her help you feed and change the baby. Let her play and talk, or even just watch him/her sleep. If you make sure she's as involved in this as she can be and understands it, then she won't despise the baby. It's a little tough at first, we went through the same thing when I got pregnant with my daughter and my son didn't want her. He told me to take her back where she came from, and I had to explain that you can't take babies back. We let him go to the ultrasound with us and he thought that was the coolest thing! After that he would always lift up my shirt and tell sissy he loves her and to hurry up and get here. Give her time to adjust to the pregnancy, and she'll probably be the best big sister a kid can hope for! Good luck and once again congratulations!!!!

Answer 3

Don't play around with her. Never ask a child a question about something you already know about when one of the possible answers could be negative. You back that child into a corner if she gives the "wrong" response. Just tell her that you have good news. Don't tell her she is going to have a brother or a sister, tell her that you guys are happy because you are having a new baby. Let the news be your good news, she will connect the dots and react however she reacts. But if you make it about her she is going to react more strongly. Besides, how is how she reacts going to change the fact that you are having a baby?

Just tell her, then make sure she understands that this in no way affects how you guys feel about her or how much time she is going to get to spend with you and her father. As long as you let her know she is not being replaced there isn't much else to do.

Answer 4

My husband has two older kids. They both said they wanted another sibling.

Then when we told them I was pregnant. The youngest was happy beyond all means. And the older started crying... and Ive never seen him cry. He was an11 year old real tough boy. It really deeply hurt me. And I was dumbfounded especially since he said earlier in the year he wanted one.

BUT, he is the closest to our now 10month old son. He absolutely adores him. Hes his favorite person in the world and vice versa. Hes the best big brother anyone could ask for.

I know for kids, sometimes they see their parents get divorced, and remarried. And they really dont realieze that it means anything. Then when a new child comes along, sometimes they finally realieze its over.

Either way, I would just tell her you guys are expecting. And then no matter how she reacts be supportive. If she reacts badly it wont last, once the baby is around they change their feelings so easily. And shes 6, she will start to get excited about it when all the baby items come in.

Maybe ask her opinion while picking out clothes, girls love that stuff.

Answer 5

Girls always have a motherly instinct especially at her age. They always want to play house & stuff. She will probably love the idea once she knows that its for real. Try to make sure she's involved in lots of baby stuff and she'll warm up to the idea even more. Let her help pick out things for the baby's room or baby clothing or a gift that she can give to the baby once he or she is born.
AND once the new baby gets here, make sure the big sister is never left out when you have her on the weekends. Make sure she feels included in everything and you shouldn't have too many problems.

Answer 6

don't because your daughter is on the age that will feel insecure, just imagine how long she was the center of attraction to both of you,and all of a sudden a small baby will arrive. Your daughter will not despise both of you or the new baby. She will have a few more months to see whats going on with you. Most toddler will be on her position and its only natural for her to act that way. Don't loose your hope,all that you can do is love her, pay attention to everything that she do in front of you and with this love she will realize that having a little brother or sister will not be bad.
I have 3 kids and I've been through with whats going on with you, and look at me now, they all love each others because I made sure that I brought them up in a good and loving home....just be more patience with her..

Answer 7

Sit her down and explain to her that you and daddy lover her so much that you decided to have a little brother or sister so she can help with. Tell her that when the baby comes she can help you with feeding, and taking good care of the baby with the little things that are so important. When you go to the doctor for the sonogram, take her with you so she can see. You can also buy her a baby doll that she can keep in your house so she can start practicing being a good caring big sister. I hope you have a good relationship with her mom. If you do, talk to her mom and ask her to help with the situation.

Answer 8

*Just let her know that she is going to be a big sister soon, and let her know that she can help change the diaper(s), and help mommy and daddy to take care of her new brother or sister.

**Because when you let kids know that they will be a part of things like that (even if it is changing a smelly diaper) they will feel "wanted" and "involved" and then after they help you, you give them a lot of praise and let them know what a great helper they are...and hey...you can even go as far as giving her "rewards" for helping you...like taking her to get a Happy Meal or something simple you know?

**So I think just as long as you let her be involved even in the planning for the baby's arrival to your house, and you let her help with taking care of the new baby...and give her praise and an occasional "reward" for it. She will be just fine.

**But when the baby does arrive, you both have to make sure you daughter is still getting the same amount of attention as before. Or as much as possible, becuase I know new babies are very time consuming...and what not.

**She will be just fine as long as you let her know she's a part of it all too.**

Answer 9

No she won't blood is ticker than water she will love that baby and she will learn to accept it.. to help her include her in everything choosing names and clothes give her a sense of responsibility because she is going to be a big sister and that is an important job.. if she is having quality time with dad she will be fine.. I recommend getting a book on big sister's and while reading this book to her gently brake the news about her new sibling. She will be fine and it sounds like you guys are going to be great parents Love is the answer for everything. She knows she is being love because she sees her dad and spent time with him, I'm sure she is aware that she is one of the small amount of kids who's dad are men enough to care and love their kids no matter what circumstances they live in.. Kids talk to each other in school and playgrounds and they brag and they listen to their friends saying I dint see my daddy he doesn't look for me.. this little girl is going to be fine because she knows daddy is there for her. Good luck.

Answer 10

First of all it is a step sibling and yeas she is going to feel a little left out and unsure of things. As long as her real parent(dad I assume) shows her lots and lots of love when he is around her she will be much more accepting of the baby. For her she may feel like this baby is to replace her you have to be extra reassuring and extra loving AFTER the baby arrives because that is when most parents make excuses for not spendin as much time with the older children.