I'm getting cold feet and wanted opinions on if I should marry my girlfriend?!?

Question

There are many many issues to go over and I feel like we should be on the Jerry Springer show, but I think age and her child may be a major concern. She is 18 with a 2 yr old son and I am way older than she is. Like twice her age. I have been married before for 10 years and have no kids of my own. I worry that she lacks relationship experience and won't be in it for the long haul. I don't want to make a commitment to her child as well and then 10 yrs later she goes off with a younger man with the kid and I'm heart broken. The kid may not be mine biologically, but I am still the father because I am raising the child. I don't know what the future holds and I am willing to take a big risk but how much risk is too much?? Also, I have to make a decision within the next 2 weeks because I have to go back to my home country to work again. Any suggestions would be really helpful. I love the girl and get a long with her son. She loves me too and we have had a good share of fights.

Answer 1

Do not make a decision based on the fact that you are rushed to leave. Bad idea.

face the feacts:
-She is TOO young for you
-She is a teenager, and therefore inmature
-She already comes with bagage, and therefore drama
-Her having a kid at 16 says a lot of her morals and loose life
-She's desperate for a meal ticket.
-She will cheat on you because she'll be bored
-She will not be able to help you working abroad because at her age she doesn't have any skills and probaly no will to help you out
_Eith her inmature behavior she will engage in endless and bitter facts with you mostly about you not giving her enough "attention", because she is barely legal, inmature, and you are honmestly too old to put up with princess-like behavior,. It will be HELL because she will try to manipulate you, cry, treaten you with suicide, make scenes, run away...etc...typical of a teenager.
-She probably has more s exual experience than you and I would be concerned about her past.

DO NOT DO IT

RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRONTO

Good luck

Answer 2

First of all, you ought to have more common sense at your age. What are you thinking getting involved with a teenage girl? No, you two should not get married. You should find someone closer to your own age. Very few people that I have known are ready for marriage at eighteen years old. Age is not just a number when you are talking about a grown man and a teenager. There is a maturity factor that comes into play here. Think about it.... how mature were you when you were eighteen?
I suppose that this is a fantasy come true for you. Here you are almost forty and this young girl wants to be with you! Well, I can almost guarantee you that she will change her mind in the future. You are a father figure for her.
Now would be a good time to start thinking with the head that sits above your shoulders. If you really love this girl then, you need to let her go. She already has a child, she does not need a divorce in the next few years.

Answer 3

If you are both in love with each other, then go for it, but proceed with caution! There is no way to see into the future and predict what may happen. Even if she was the same age as you, you don't know for sure that it would last forever. What is really important is her maturity level.

If the two of you are fighting a lot now, that will only get worse after you are married. You need to be absolutley sure that you are both ready for the commitment of marriage before you jump into it. What is the hurry? You could always give it a few more years and give her some time to mature. Just be committed to her without the marriage license until she turns 21. If you are still together, then marry her. Marriage is only gonna bring more stress, and more fighting!!

Good luck!

Answer 4

I would suggest that you think long and hard about this. At 18 no one (very few) are really ready to be married. I thought I was and it was a mistake. She has way too much living to do yet. She has friends, she at some point is going to want to live out the years she has missed by having a baby so young.
You are going to become her "father" just because of your age and she does not see that yet but it will happen.
I would reconsider this marriage, I know it may hurt and you both may be miserable for awhile but the age difference at this point is way too large. If she were in her 30's and you in your 40's or 50's I would say maybe. She still needs to be a kid and you won't fit into that.
Be good to yourself and her. Don't do this.

Answer 5

I would suggest you don't do it. An 18 year old girl has no idea what she wants out of life. She hasn't had a "life"up till now. Her wants and needs will change dramatically over the next few years. You are setting yourself up for heartache and will be doing the child a disservice to have the child calling you dad and then she leaves and the child never sees you again. When you are 60 and she is 40 (not that I think it will last near that long) she will be off and running and you will be a lonely old man. Stop it before it starts for your own good and the good of her and her child. Right now she looks at you as "daddy" and that will get real old in a hurry for her.

Answer 6

*Hey I'm not trying to detour you from this marriage, but if you are having second thoughts about it...then maybe you should trust your instincts and sit it out for now. *

~That's the problem with you guys, you never listen to your gut or "intuitions" about anything...which is why you guys are such risk takers and never think about the consequences. :)

*Anyways really though, if you have been through the experience before...then you already know what to expect. And if she has a child already and you are twice her age...do I even need to go further with that topic? And plus she is only 18 you say? Wow...I mean there is so many negatives about your story, I don't even know where to start and when to stop.

~So don't get sucked into "having" to stay with her just because she has a child, I mean the child is not yours...so don't let her try and guilt trip you into marriage, over a child that isn't yours.

***We can give you all the right advice on here, but you are going to do what you want to. But all I am personally saying is that...if you have doubts and from your story and what you've mentioned it sounds like everything is logical and legit....then you really need to re-consider this marriage.
I mean you two can still be together or whatever, just don't get yourself tied down if you aren't honestly do not feel ready for it yet. Because you would be doing it for the wrong reasons if you did.

***

Answer 7

Head over feet by Alanis Morissette here are the lyrics incase you don't know the song I had no choice but to hear you You stated your choice time and again I thought about it You treat me like i'm a princess I'm not used to liking that You ask how my day was Chorus: You've already won me over in spite of me Don't be alarmed if i fall head over feet Don't be surprised if i love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault You love is thick and it swallowed me whole You're so much braver than i gave you credit for That's not lip service Repeat chorus You are the bearer of unconditional things You held your breath and the door for me Thanks for your patience You're the best listener that i've ever met You're my best friend Best friend with benefits What took me so long I've never felt this healthy before I've never wanted something rational I am aware now I am aware now

Answer 8

My personal opion. Age doesnt make someone ready for commitment or not. I know others may not agree with me.

But she has a child. She has the responsiblity as a mother. If shes a good mother, for the most part her partying days are over. Its not like she can go out and sleep around and party. She has responsibility. With or without you. So that closes up the 20ish age gap.

I married a man twice my age. Hes wonderful. I dont think younger guys are any more attractive then him, infact I am more attracted to him.

The only thing that has ever bothered me about him, was that I am terrofied that when I am 60 he will die. And I will have to live 20 years without him. That scares the crap out of me.

I married when I was in my early 20s and he was in his mid 40s. We have a good life together.

He was married before and had two kids from a previous relationship. We had a son before being married, and it took him along time to come around to marriage because of his pass marriage, and his ex leaving him.

Maybe some what of your cold feet has to do with your previous divorce?

If you love her, and you think she is that way about you. Like deeply in love wanting her whole life with you, and not the type of person that is just looking for a ticket. Then I say go for it.

As a young mohter I know that I would never introduce my son to someone who I wasnt serious about, because I would never want to have him attached and then that person not be there anymore you know what I mean? If she is a good person, she will be like this too.

Answer 9

Take a deep breath. For, one, you don't want to rush into things. Look, I know this couple that got married. He took care of her daughter, raised her, treated her like his own. She married him, right out of high school (she was 18) and he was an older guy. He wanted a child with her, but she wasn't feeling it. He gave them everything they ever needed, but after the child was about 5 or 6, she started fooling around and she left him. Went and got not a younger man, but another older guy, bought her a house, and takes care of him. She won't let him have visitation rights because he isn't the biological father. So, my advice and opinion, just wait a little bit longer to see if this is what she really wants.

Answer 10

its normal to have ups and downs its part of a relationship...however, if ur having that many doubts thenmaybe u should really question if this is the thing for you to do...maybe extent the relationship a little bit...18s a bit young to get married anyway...maybe wait another year or two until u can be a hundred percent sure this is the girl u want to be with...its not just sumthing u wanna jump in to but at the same point dont over think this, theres obviously a reason ur engaged, putting aside ur ages...age is only a number, its when u make age more important that it becomes a problem