I dont know what to do about my fiancee?

Question

My fiancee and I are having a rough time right now. We are bth young, and we live together. We have had alot of issues such as the fact that i have spoiled her for too long and now that we are living together she needs to get a job and pull her own weight... and thats causing strife. Also, i recently had someone approach me and tell me that back in november, she cheated on me. I dont know what to do anymore... she is emotionally unstable... when we fight, she threatens to leave me... and when she tries to leave i physically stop her because i dont want to lose her. I am not abusive, i would never hurt her but she says im controlling her... I just dont know whether or not its worth trying to fix anymore... i love her so much and i dont want to lsoe her, but our love seems to be coming at a higher and higher cost...

Answer 1

Next time she threatens to leave, let her. Problem solved.

Do not stop her from leave her and that will shock the crap out of her. She will crawl back after a few days (who I'm trying to fool, it will be minutes or hours before her unemployed spoiled a $$ be back ) then slam the door on her face, change the locks and park the phsyco's stuff on the front door and move on with your life.

This vicious cycle of maniulation, scenes, melodramatic arguments etc. has to stop. This is not healthy for anyone.

I don't understand why if you are her meal ticket she is giving you so much crap. You are both young and behaving like inmature children, because that's exactly what you are. Shacking up and marriage is for commited, responsible, mature adults and obvioulsy you as a couple can't handle that.

If playing house is not fun anymore, then is time to cut your loses and move on.

You will be a lot happier without all of this drama in your life. I guarrantee it.


Remember something: No love can be in spite of you and no woman is worth all of this torture, Love is hapiness and this is NOT happiness. Do not marrry her, it will only be worse.
Good luck

Answer 2

When you try to prevent her from leaving by physically stopping her you are committing a crime - it's called unlawful restraint or criminal restraint. You have to let her leave.

She is childish and immature and tells you she's going to leave you to get her way. You play right into her hands. Where would she go? She doesn't work.

You are a victim because you allow yourself to be the victim. She will walk all over you until you put a stop to it. What in the world do you love about her? I don't see anything to love? Are you sure it's love? Or co-dependency? You are just helping her stay a child. Tell her to get her own place until you guys get married, if you do. Personally - I would cut her lose and move on. Your marriage will just end in divorce anyway as getting married won't make her stay with you, either or stop her from cheating.

You see what is in front of you - take your blinders off and don't act on your emotions. Time to act on what you know. You will get over it and be a stronger person because of it. You will not be able to change her and it's not your place to try, anyway.

Fix yourself first.

GOod luck.

Answer 3

If someone threatens another with something, they usually don't do it, there is no point in talking about something when you can just get right up and do it. That being said, it's not worth being in a relationship if one half of it is using "it" as a shield to do whatever they want to do.

Sometimes after a fight, it's necessary that you two take a break and just get a little space where you can think and try to figure out what's going on and whether there are more serious issues that need to be addressed. If you think that she's spoiled and you need her to get out and start sharing the weight, then just sit her down and explain the whole situation to her. Talk to her gently and try to get her to understand why she needs to go out and get a job. Any problem can be resolved by sitting down and talking about it. There is no point in getting married if you two can't talk things through, if you're worried about her having cheated on you, then confront her and ask for her version of the story, do not take your friend's story for granted and just giver her a chance to explain, if she threatens to leave you again (after having talked to her quietly and rationally) and if you still can't get through to her, then I suggest you have "the talk" about whether you two are compatible and if there is a future for you.

Best of luck

Answer 4

Just sit down and try to explain to her that she has to work to support the household.
If she threatens to leave tell her running is not the answer.
Plus that's really mean to say to someone every time you fight.
I mean doesn't she know if she leaves she'll have to get a job anyway unless Mommy & Daddy pay for everything for her.

You aren't being controlling at all. Maybe let her walk out next time she'll come back once she realizes you are good for her.

But, you do have to still search your heart about the cheating thing and maybe do some investigating.
Good luck!

Answer 5

This is not a healthy relationship. The fact that you are both young may have a lot to do with that but regardless, you two are going nowhere at this point. It doesn't sound like you have spent the time to find out if you have common goals or what your roles are as you were planning to marry. Being in love alone does not a stable marriage make. You need to re-think any future with her.

Answer 6

Let her go. Y would you move in w/ her when she didn't have a job in the first place and then you expected her to get a job to help you out w/ regular marriage type responsibilities? You physically stop her from leaving the house after arguments too because you don't want to lose her? Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself y u want her in the first place. She's dead wood buddy, send her afloat.

Answer 7

YOU need to get your head down from space... Alright shes obviously looking for attention and your not giving it to her and I'm sorry but if i were her id dump you so hard you'd go through the ground... Shes obviously trying to tell you something you have to stop thinking about yourself and communicate with er personally sit down and talk about your feelings without fighting it...please just pay attention to her and
try to understand why shes doing this when your saying all this bad stuff about your wife that your probably making i bigger then it is it makes you look like a jerk showing off how great he is and how not great his fiancee is if this continues dump her and travel and discover the world and find the real you the nice guy!

Answer 8

Where do you want to be in 2, 5, 10, 20 years? Does she want to be there with you?
Sounds like you are too nice for your own good and she is a free loader selfish woman.
You need to know that you can survive on your own, you do not need another person to value you to be about to value yourself. I would liek to see you stand up to her, mover her out and spend some time on your own, regaining some self esteem, and Im sure in no time, the perfect woman would come along for you, one who would appreciate and treasure you for all you are and all you have. Goodluck.

Answer 9

Well definately dont marry her until these problems are fixed. Other then that if you dont want to lose her, try counciling.

And dont stop her when she tries to walk out. It is considered abuse if the person doesnt want to be there, and she will hate you more for it in the end. If she loves you, she will come back.

And confront her about her cheating on you.

Answer 10

Your biggest mistake is shacking up with someone, and thinking that will solve anything. Well, it doesn't. Separate and live individually, keep dating if you like and see where things go. Don't hang on "just because" you are scared you won't find someone else. She may be way too toxic to you.