He is very abcent minded so he claims,he always leaves things a total disaster.He has an office that literally looks like a horcane hit.I get physically sick from such a mess. I will no longer clean his office,but he leaves a trail of disaster all around me.I find it hard to look at him sometimes because he is just a slob.He keeps buying more and more and more too.I really dont know how to control this anymore.I need order,and cleanliness.If I say something to him he argues with me.I have young children that I clean for.I find this so upsetting.Does anyone have construtive ways to help this disasterous situation?Thank you in advance.
2007-04-18 02:56:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well if he likes to spend money on buying junk, why don't you spend his money on someone who could come and clean it up for you and you could just go and have coffee somewhere at that time, keep doing it till he realises this is costing him and he'll try to keep it clean himself:) don't stress out too much it's not worth your headaches:)
2007-04-18 03:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by happydial 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi...
i don't think i have good advice, but i can relate.
my boyfriend has a lot of CLUTTER in his place, and i'm staying here temporarily while i recover from surgery. The house isn't filthy, just has an overload of clutter.
He has the stupidest stuff sitting around -- it's like living in a dorm. And the worst thing is, he keeps buying more JUNK.... at goodwill, the rescue mission, thrift stores... etc.
He has stuff on top of the refrigerator, buys enough food for an army (i mean there is sooo much food here!! argh!!). His living room is cluttered with ugly knick knacks, the walls haven't been painted in FOREVER and every place there was ever a hole put into the wall, has never been repaired. So you know where every picture he ever owned hung.
he has a shelf on one wall across the entire width of the room. NO! he isn't displaying nice things on there -- there are DVD's, CD's an old light that doesn't work anymore, a small terrarium that has been sitting there for more than 10 years, if it's a day! hats (?) and junky stuff that needs put into the garbage...
his yard isn't that great either. and it's April right? his christmas lighs are still up???? !!???
let's say that the visuals are disturbing!
mind you, he's lived here for 26 years.
i have told him that this place could be so cute and look so nice, and suggested we declutter, and perhaps repair nail holes and paint. he is so adverse to change that i think it scares him.... he is comfortable living in this... ummm MESS!
i can't do a lot but i do declutter sometimes. I just wanted you to know i feel your pain (and can't wait to get OUT OF HERE and into my own place again!!!). but it's nice of him to help me out. even so, this place drives me nuts!
i hope you can talk your husband into compromising and cleaning up the clutter over there. believe me, it didn't work in my part of the world!!!
hugz
2007-04-18 03:09:45 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I certainly wish I did. That is the part of your marriage that is bad. If you moved out, would he clean it up? I have no idea, I'm asking you. Can you afford a housecleaning lady a day a week or more? A very neat, ordered lady married a slob. You cannot change people. Have you had any ideas what might work since you know him? I bet you could think of something if you had to. If not, can you go on living with him?
These are important questions.
2007-04-18 03:06:25 · answer #3 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he wants to leave his office a pig sty fine but you and the children have to live in the rest of the house and he needs to pick his stuff up and help clean up before child services take your children because of such a mess. Maybe that will scare him into picking up after himself. Or take all of his things that he leaves laying around and instead of putting them away for him pile them all up right inside his office door that is what I do with my children's toys when I find them laying around then they have to either put them away or step over them every time they go in.
2007-04-18 03:04:32 · answer #4 · answered by Trisha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand totally. My husband leaves a trail from the doorway to the bedroom. I can tell everywhere he's been from one point to another. It's effing sickening. He only does these things because he knows that eventually you will take care of it and clean it up. I quit. I also left my husband for about a month and let him take in the responsibility of cleaning up after himself and to make him realize that he was taking advantage of me and I didn't appreciate it. Marriage is give and take-not you constantly giving. And how insensitive is he knowing that his mess makes you physically ill and he continues to do it? Let him live in his own squallor for a minute. He will realize how good he had it.
2007-04-18 03:03:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try not to pick up after him everyday. Have certain days you clean and days you relax so it wont seem like you are always cleaning. Or you can purchase a storage unit and put all his junk in there.
I leave my cleaning for the weekend im just too busy during the week.
2007-04-18 03:09:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if he is just constantly bringing home things that you have no room for, he is a pack rat. Have a garage sale.
Here is something I did to my husband:
Due to injuries I received in a car accident, I have limited abilities now. One night I asked him to put the roast pan away as it goes on the top shelf and I can't reach it or climb. For three days it sat on the counter and he never put it away. So, while he was playing video games with our son, I took the pan and put it in his favourite chair. When he saw it, he laughed. He put it away right then because he wanted his chair back. From then on, if I asked him to do something and he forgot, I put it in his chair. It works every time!
So, pick up his clutter and pile it where he will have to move it. He will get the message. ; )
2007-04-18 03:08:44 · answer #7 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once in your shoes. So what I did, I did do a final cleaning. I put everything in large trash bags and left it for him to take care of it. This worked for my boyfriend. He would leave his dirty clothes every where. So one day I just told him that if he wanted his clothes washed, they had to be in the hamper. I also told him that those clothes that did not get into the hamper would be placed in trash bags. He thought I was kidding but when he could not find his favorite jeans, he looked for them and found them in the trash bags. It p.o. him but that taught him a lesson. No more fear of having guest sit on the couch and find a pair of boxers. LOL
2007-04-18 03:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by trojancowboy1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he can either clean up after himself or you will make him do it at inconvenient times like after work when he is tired or in the middle of the night. You can also have family cleaning hour where everyone does what they can to clean the house and your husband does too.
2007-04-18 03:14:28 · answer #9 · answered by BLANK 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being so controlling. Live and let live. This didn't just "suddenly" happen, even though it may just be suddenly bothering you - probably just a manifestation from something else you are feeling resentful about.
It doesn't matter in the big scheme of things. Do your thing for your own stuff, for your kids, for the general home areas. Let him alone and have his own space.
2007-04-18 03:27:27 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋