How do u tell an 80 year old friend that u r a lesbian?

Question

I'm 32 been with my partner for 11 years and have a friend who is 80 that i see once a week, i pretend i live with a friend but really she is my lovely partner, how do u think i could tell her?

sensible answers please!!!!!!

Like I'm gonna get it on with a 80 year old fraile lady.........idiots who said this!!!!

i feel i need to tell her as i feel like i'm hiding something from her and also i would love her to meet my partner!

Answer 1

First congratulations on your long term relationship..:) My father is 80 and I told him I was gay when he was 60. He is a Catholic, and religious IMO..but he is also a very compassionate, and kind individual. Based upon his love for me he accepted my choice and has been over the years, because of that love, supportive of me. Honesty is the basis of all loving relationships and it sounds like you have a very good relationship with this woman. Part of any good relationship is not having expectations or feeling obligated. People in any relationship should feel free to announce who they are and do it honestly and directly. So this should be your approach with your 80 year old friend. I say love will prevail here. There are has to be attributes to her character that you respect and admire, that are akin to your own, or you would not be close. Allow that closeness to be the guide. She has lived a lot of life. She knows all about love I am sure. Perhaps if she does not like this fact about you, then you will have to consider the relationship a bit more, because we simply cannot live according to the world view of others. Good luck.

Answer 2

Firstly if you see this friend once a week you should have a good idea of how they will take the news. Do they have an old fashioned morality or are they open minded? If they are old fashioned I hate to say it but I don't think you should tell her. The elderly can be very set in there ways and as fond of you she may be, it might be hard for her to accept this news and as a result the friendship may suffer. I'm not saying that you should be ashamed of your sexuality, just that the elderly often do not have the understanding you hopefully recieve from other people. She would have been brought up at a time when gay men were institutionalised and it wasn't even believed that lesbians existed.
Otherwise i would just emphasis the fact that you are in a long term loving relationship and your partner is a great person. You are happy and that should be the important thing to your friend. Some times the elderly can even shock us, maybe she will be more understanding than you think. She's probably seen a thing or two in her time!

Answer 3

I think it's like coming out to anyone.

Uhm I personally have 2 neighbours that're older. One lady has to be in her late 60s or early 70s, she actually brought it up in conversation once, and the whole thing didn't phase her one bit. She's still a great neighbour, great person, it doesn't affect her one bit.

The other neighbour is our landlord, who's 85 now I think, maybe 86, he also doesn't really care, he just seems happy that we're good tenants. Even his daughter who's probably late 40s-early 50s doesn't care.

So just remember that age does not mean that one is less accepting.

You can consider breaking the ice by asking what she thinks about gay people. If the response is positive, then go for it.

Answer 4

Oh dear. At 80 years old she has seen far more of life than you have and probably knows more lesbians than you do. She has probably guessed by now. Why do you want to tell her? Why not just carry on being friends and see if it comes up in conversation and if it does either don't deny it or just say that you and your partner are lovers. Why is it young people think old people do not know about sex. How do they think they got here.

Answer 5

if your friend were younger i would say just tell her but since she is 80 and i am not being disrespectful here but she doesnt have much more time on earth if she lives to be 100 thats only 20 yrs and the chances of her being compleatly with it are slim... that being said the other thing to think about here is most older people i know are very set in there ways and back when the grew up being lesbian was a deff. no no and really not even heard of. my opinion if you want to keep her as a friend and you dont want her to be upset dont tell her y do you feel the need to say anything other then that this female is your friend? your not lying about it just not tellin all and in this case i feel that its in the best intrest of you elderly friend to keep this secret from her. who knows this kind of thing could cause her to stroke or something... and please i am not against lesbians or gays thats your rite but you asked and i told you my opinion.

Answer 6

I think you should ask what she thinks about lesbians first. It might make more sense not to tell her if she has a big problem with it. Live your life, but no sense upsetting your friend in what could be her final days if that is a problem with her. Perhaps she couldn't care less, but if I were you I would proceed with extreme caution if you love your 80 year old friend.

Answer 7

If she respects you as much as you obviously respect her then tell her outright but remember allot of 60/70/80 year olds are still caught in a time warp as are some of the younger generation. Use your discretion for the ol folk, they sometimes don't have the openness that we do. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Just replace the word friend with partner or wife. You don't have to make a big deal out of it.

Answer 9

So,just tell her I'd like you to meet my friend. Straight people don't introduce their lovers as lovers,I see no reason why anyone else should either. As a bisexual woman,it's not information I really need to know about someone unless I'm planning to be intimate with them,ya know? Good luck

Answer 10

I would not if she is just a friend anyway why would you have to bring your sexual orientation into it. She grew up in a different time where if a woman kissed another woman there was nothing sexual about it they were just friends. Females always have a need to be with other females for companionship and understanding. Why does sex have to come into play with just friendships. It's irrelevant. Unless your considering a pretty sick threesome. I doubt she would like that very much that's just plain wrong.