My mother in law has just given given me a birthday gift which was more than adequate given that we do not have a good relationship - just a civil one for the sake of my partner and children (I cannot deny - she's a fantastic grandmother.)
The trouble is that she also gave me $100 cash which I feel awkward about. I think she gives me gifts to compensate for being unable to like me and (possibly) for gossiping about me behind my back. I have seen her do this with others and I assume I am being treated the same.
How can I give the cash back without it looking confrontational?
2007-04-18 02:00:45 · 18 answers · asked by WendyK 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Don't give the cash back. That would only insult her.
2007-04-18 02:02:53 · answer #1 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you chose to give the cash back - you are simply creating even MORE controversy and friction between the two of you.
She would be completely insulted by your actions if you do this! And she would go on and on to anyone that would be willing to listen about how ungrateful you are.
Keep the money - and enjoy it. If she did not want you to have it then should would not have given it to you in the first place.
At best - I suggest you take her out for a nice dinner or a nice lunch. Maybe try to get along - and then at the end of the dinner say 'Thanks so much for the cash gift on my birthday - it bought us this meal together'! :-D
And then - as something totally off this topic :
You only live once. This is your child grandmother. If *your* children see you and her battling each other all the time, then *your* children will think that is mature, acceptable behaviour - so what happens when you become a grandmother ?
Just my two cents.
2007-04-18 02:09:25 · answer #2 · answered by dave_h4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't give the gift back. It was given to you, despite how she may or may not like you. At that time her heart thought enough of you to give you a gift. Seems like she is treating you like one of her own. Our parents will talk about us (smile). Don't make to much of what you may think you saw or heard. It may not really mean anything. If someone really don't care for you nothing will make them give you anything. People give because they want to when it comes to a gift. Please except this gift from her in the name of love. Forgive her for what ever you feel she has done. Life is to short. Sometimes we have to just be the better person. Always treat others with love no matter what. I feel she cares more then you may think. I can tell you are a nice person. Be yourself at all times. Never let anyone change who you are. Good luck and take care of your family.
2007-04-18 02:14:26 · answer #3 · answered by relationcounseling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't even consider giving it back. Thanks her personally and be sincere. Perhaps you could take her to lunch or just buy her a nice card that states how much you appreciate her and are glad she is your children's grandmother.
If you attempt or even succeed in giving her the cash back it is like a 'slap in the face'.
My wife recently gave her sister a nice sized check for a special birthday. Her sister tore up the check in front of more than 30 people with no explanation. In that case my wife felt she was 'slapped in the face'.
2007-04-18 03:30:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give the cash back. That was a nice gesture on her part. I understand you don't like her and don't want anything from her.... but its money, you might as well keep it and buy yourself something nice. I'm sure giving it back would only cause MORE trouble and problems between the two of you.
2007-04-18 02:05:25 · answer #5 · answered by glamorous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the cash was a birthday gift so it would maybe look like an insult if you were to reject it, further more you say she is a great grandmother so she obviously plays an important role in your lives, she probably thinks more of you than you realise so you should accept the gift and thank her kindly, regardless of what you think her reasons are for doing it.
2007-04-18 02:07:09 · answer #6 · answered by kellie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't give the cash back (and this is not a "smart-@$$" answer).
No matter what the reason, whether its because she likes you better than she did, or because she feels guilty about your relationship status, she felt like she WANTED to give you that cash.
If you return it, you're just going to exacerbate the situation, and cause more problems between you and her. Just pocket the cash, say thank-you, smile, and go on about your business.
2007-04-18 02:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by Scotty Doesnt Know 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
say that you owed her some money from before and that now you can afford to pay it back. if she says it's not true say it as a joke: "oh mother in law are you getting old and start forgetting things?" and that will shut her up!...but that would not solve your problem.
tell her that you appreciate the gesture but that you cannot take the money since you rather she gave it to your wife or children ;) she cannot say no to that!!
2007-04-18 02:05:03 · answer #8 · answered by aleximas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will make the relationship more shaky by returning the money. Keep it and just give her a nice Thank You in a card showing your appreciation.
2007-04-18 02:05:02 · answer #9 · answered by Yafooey! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be rude to give the cash back. She wanted you to have it. You can always donate it for a good cause.
2007-04-21 17:02:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use the money to take the kids out for a day of fun. You'll both be glad the money was spent in that way.
2007-04-18 02:27:37 · answer #11 · answered by AnswerGuy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋