Furthering the quality of your life ?

Question

I'm 19 old boy who has a problem concerning my personality. I've often self - analyised myself to get to the bottom of my shyness and/or quiet behavior and I've recently realised it. My dad. He had enormous influence on me. As a kid I've been somewhat afraid of him. He was some sort of a strict, very quiet and distant figure to me, a bit of an authoritative parent who doesn't say much, who thinks that all the things that the other parents talk with their children apply automaticly on me. That I will learn them in life on my own. Don't get me wrong, I was brought up in a perfectly normal family but there was always a sort of "unemotional" aura around my family. When I've read some article couple months ago that about 10% of adults are extremly shy. So I found out the truth , my dad is as shy as it gets! He is large and has unfrendly face, tough behaviour but is soo shy. My grandpa is the same, looks threatning but in fact they are very passive people, bottle their felings inside 100%.

We never had any "father -son" talks on any stuff. Even "bees and flowers" sex talk when I was little and that used to tick me off so much: I was laugh at for my general ignorence in life and bullied for my lack of social skills. Even today my friends look at me with a bit of strangeness in their eyes. I was very aware of that problem for some years now on one way or the other and try very hard for a long time now to fix it, with some sucess. Now I know that in me there is a charismatic lion of a guy that just waits to take the lead of my body and mind , wich it does sometimes , when I overcome my shyness and in those moments i am very happy :). But how to make peace with my painful past and move on knowing that I live with a very shy family members wich had their own life traumas that made them that way and about wich they nevers told andybody a word ?

Maybe it is a long question/ monologue but bare with me for another paragraph pls. Beside that everything else is normal. I know that in fact I am very blessed concerning all the other bigger and more important problems people all around me have. I have enough friends , am social active person and everything and know that if I wolud just overcome this problem my life wolud be a step to perfection.

Tnx all.

Answer 1

You didn't have an extraverted role model while growing up, but now that you're older you can choose to have a dynamic role model of your choice. Is there a male figure whom you wish you could be like? A teacher, a relative, a friend's dad or uncle? Try immulating them, even asking to be mentored. Most people are flattered if someone tells them that they wish they were more like them. A mentor never replaces a parent, but can be a valuable teacher.
Good luck to you. The fact that you're searching to improve yourself is a very good indicator that you will improve in life. Keep searching and you will find yourself. I promise. ;o)

Answer 2

Maybe you could be worried about the fact that you'll turn out to be like your dad and granddad. I'm gonna guess on this, but since you've been living with your dad all yourself, his shyness could be influencing you, therefore making you the shy one. Like you said, you do have a good social life and so if it does make you happy, talk to them about your past. If you're capable of that, it shows that you aren't shy and you don't bottle your feelings 100% of the time.

Answer 3

My Dad was also an authorative figure in our home. He wasn't
the type to have talks with us unless it was yelling at us about something wrong we did. I understand that distance you felt from your Dad growing up. I felt the same thing. I think it's interesting that the older we get, the more we are able to look at our parents as just "people" for a change and it helps us to understand them better. You don't have to follow in your Dad's footsteps. This is your life and your choice in how to live. Now that you realize what the problem is you can go about changing it for the better. Good luck to you. You sound confidant and ready to live your life to the fullest.

Answer 4

hey ya i had the same prb but my dad was shy only till he was abt 15 or so and to my surprise my grandpa was the same but not to a long time.....i also have overcomed this prb a year ago......well also some ppl do not like to shoe their feelings to others so they seem rigid but if u try n talk to them it does work but can take a while......also dont worry abt the ppl in ur family if they see u change then they might also see something gud in it n will surely open upto u....n jus be normal thats it n think that there r ppl worst affected than u n me soooo.....this is all i can say to u if it comes to any help that u need....gud luck.......

Answer 5

from what I can tell, it sounds like a bigger problem you have is placing blame on others.. you can't go through your whole life acting like a victim.. my friend has been doing that ever since high school and he didn't go to college or get a good job or anything just because someone told him he wasn't smart enough for college.. he could have gone to college if he set his mind to it, but instead he blames that person for ruining his life.. try hard to overcome your faults but don't blame someone else for them.. that's just an excuse to give up..