My boyfriend and I agreed that due to his work stress, we will take a break, spend time away from each other. I wanted to save the relationship this way because I became too needy of him as he was trying to focus on himself, trying to find a new job. I suggested to him to spend a couple of months apart, where during this period I will not contact him so he can focus on what he needs to do. I must say that it has helped me to become more independant myself, to think about us, and to miss him a lot. However, I am missing him so much, I really want to contact him. All my friends who know about this, keep telling me not to contact and to stick to our agreeement as time away will help us both. But I am afraid that he will forget about me? I love him very much and I am not interested in anyone else. We have been togehter for 3 years. Should I contact him or should I stick to our agreement? It's only been 2 and a half weeks since we made this agreeement.
2007-04-18 01:12:01 · 7 answers · asked by Elisa N 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I say contact him. I think you should have put in the agreement that you two would at least talk a few times a week. Call him and ask for this amendment. Tell him it's just because you care about him and want to know how he's doing and how the search is going. It doesn't have to be a big breaking of the law, just an amendment to your agreement. A "I'm dying to hear your voice" amendment. You can try and keep the rest of it, not be over at his place.
I'm going to go ahead and say that this sounds like a ... a ... okay, a stupid agreement. If you're that close, I don't see what the deal is here. Do you think he's feeling crowded? I would suggest that you see a therapist to work on what you've labeled as "needy" and work on that while you two are apart. You do sound a little paranoid. Fix you while you're apart, so he'll find a better you at the end of the two weeks you have left.
To summarize, call him, but don't get all clingy, and in the two weeks you have left START therapy (you won't be over your issues in just two weeks [you may not even be able to get an appointment in that amount of time - but do start and continue it until you feel like a whole person without anyone else]).
Good luck!
2007-04-18 01:29:19 · answer #1 · answered by Dino 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think in trying to prove to him that you're "independent" and no longer "needy" that you really kind of "stepped in it", so to speak. It seems as though you may be more serious about this relationship than he is. It at least appears that he's the one w/ the upperhand. I think maybe you were trying to change that, at least a little bit. So you thought you'd push him away in hopes that it he might say he didn't want a brake, validating your hopes that he loves you as much as you love him. But he called your bluff, and you're regretting the deal you made w/ him. I think in reality you feel like as long as you're near him he won't find someone else, and now you're thinking he probably will. So while your intentions to "give him space", so to speak, may not have been completely altruistic, I think you've done the right thing. Because you have to know that if you call him, at best things will go back to the way they were, and at worst he will want to move on. So, I say definetly do not call him first. I think the only chance the two you have, for a , healthy, long term relationship is if you are truelly equalls. I think if he does call you it would be great and you'd really have a future. If he doesn't (call) than you need to move on. Find someone who'll make you feel good about yourself. Make you feel truelly independent, and wanted and loved. The kind of things you deserve, and are trying to convince yourself that you already have. Because if he never calls that means he's moved on w/out you and found someone else. As scarey as that sounds, as much as it will hurt you, know you'll find someone else too and it will be for the best. Someday a distant memory. Good Luck.
PS I hope he calls really soon.
2007-04-18 02:05:29 · answer #2 · answered by GreyGHost29 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't contact him.
There are two issues here:
a. you say you feel more independent, but your question completely contradicts that, so you obviously need more time for that aspect of your life to work
b. you worry he won't love you after the time period is up, but if the love were to disappear, it would irrespective of whether you called him or not. If the relationship is going to work out, it will, you have to trust in that.
If you stick to the agreement, you'll go back to each other with a much clearer understanding of how the relationship works and you'll have more confidence, so give him his space.
2007-04-18 01:22:00 · answer #3 · answered by Jugular 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you don't stick to your agreement how you supposed to stick to any vow like marriage? If its supposed to be it will be .. read what you said.. your not that independent your getting needy again. Guys like that type for awhile but it gets really old and they want a more self sufficient type.
Go look around and see if you can find someone else.. your not married or engaged and at this rate I don't think your going to ever be :-/ at least not to him.
2007-04-18 01:18:04 · answer #4 · answered by Tapestry6 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why your boyfriend needs a break from you due to stress. This is truly not a good indication of how he would handle other strains on him in a marriage should he ever get there. But I digress.....if you made a deal, stick to the deal. I, however, am more concerned as to the motive for your boyfriends strange behavior.
2007-04-18 01:32:22 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you cant totally ignore each other? do you trust him that much that you would let him do what ever he wants? you should at least talk to each other at least once a day
2007-04-18 01:17:27 · answer #6 · answered by Immortal 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Send him a text asking how he is. You dont have to speak to communicate.
2007-04-18 01:15:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋