My boyfriends mother is to affectionate towards him and he's 21.?

Question

She treats him like he's still a small child. She has to hug and kiss when he loves and when he comes. Its gross! We live together now so its becoming a real problem for us moving on with our own lives. She not the type of person to confront about this so what do I do? Its not an option to point this out to her, but he wont do anything about it. he thinks its normal but its clearly disfunctional. help me please!

Answer 1

its Hard situation to deal with but you're not alonealot of mothers like to be the woman on the pedastool to their son they think they know him better and at one stage they did. Your partner wont do anything about it because its his mum and he probably grew up being affectionate and to not be ashamed to show love and affection to his family, Did you grow up kie this? Im 24 and i am affectionate like that with my family and my partners family so as for that part you'll need to get use to it or start being like that with his mum everytime she does it to him to let her know you're there too. As for the treating him like a child this does sound warning bells for me because if he lets her do it it means he likes it and is ok with being her dependant still and might expect you to treat him the same way. Unfortunately there is not much you can do he has to realise for himself that the apron strings need to be cut and you can either be patient and wait(he might never realise) or push him into it which might break you up. Its hard i know ive been there!

Answer 2

There is nothing disfunctional about a mother loving her son, what are you jealous or something? I think its great that he has a loving relationship with his mother and you should get over these petty feeling you have. Eventually, she will become less and less a part of his life, let her have these moments with him while she still can. You will only end up the one being hurt if you try to come between them, just bide your time, love him unconditionally, because you can be sure that she does and that if you made him choose between the two of you, you might not like the outcome.

Answer 3

I no what your saying because I felt the same way when I first
went around my husbands family. I remember walking in to
his parents house and that is the first thing I notice how they
hugged and kissed. It was something I had to get use to
everyone in his family did it.I learned it was me with the problem not my husband or anyone in his family.Just because my family members don't do that doesn't mean it's wrong in fact I learned that more people hung and kiss then don't. I learned that I was the one with the problem no one else. You shouldn't let it bother you like it does, you can't say anything to your boyfriend because he will take that as a sign of you trying to make him think something is wrong with
his mother. Never come between a son and his mother.

Answer 4

Everyone comes from different family backgrounds so what is normal in one family, might not be done in another family.

I don't see anything wrong with a mother greeting her son with a hug and kiss, he will always be her child however old he is.

Maybe you could all greet the mother with a hug and kiss as well? There is nothing wrong with expressing your feelings by doing that as a way of greeting someone, especially if it is amongst family or close friends.

Answer 5

Don't get upset - yr chap is lucky in age of 21 he is getting pampered and loved by mother as a small child and i don't find any wrong things here which make u so uncomfortable. Be a mother 1st then u will known what is mother heart and love for their kids. And after marriage where son has left time for mothers, so be patience and don't suspect or draw a line in mother - son's relationship.

Answer 6

How is it dysfunctional? If his mother loves him, as she clearly does, then there is nothing wrong with kissing and hugging her son. That's not treating him like a little child. It doesn't matter what age he is, he'll always be her son. It's not gross. U know what? I wish my mother would do that to me sometimes and I'm 40.
I'm afraid if u don't like it u'll have to leave because u'll never change her.

Answer 7

If he is ok with it, try to accept it for his sake. His mom is having problems letting go, and hopefully that won't go on forever, but what does a little affection from mom hurt? As long as she doesnt come over and do it every morning and evening or something weird like that! Hope things work out!

Answer 8

it's perfectly normal, although not right, for mothers to behave this way. she just does not want to let go of her little boy. this gets even worse if he's the only child.

the best way to deal with this would be to talk to his mother(not going to be easy) in a non-confrontational manner, about how parents have to let go of their children and how you guys need to move on with your own lives.

it would be very helpful if he could sit down with the two of you and help you illustrate your points, but it does not sound like he's the type of guy to do that.

what about his father? if he's still around, you could try talking to him and try to get him to encourage his wife to let go.

Answer 9

Wow! If you only knew how similar our situations seem to be! What I ended up doing is talking to him about it. I sat him down and told him that his mother should always be in his life and I can't take the place of her but I deserve his love and affection too. The key for me was to make sure he understood that I wasn't trying to stop their relationship, but at the same time make him understand that I wanted a MAN in my life and not a BOY.

Answer 10

My companions mum grow to be the comparable, different than she had me seem after his little sis for all time (i aslo had my own new born), she borrowed from us consistently and does no longer return the choose, an somewhat frankly, grow to be a *****. My guy finally grew to become around to her and decrease her off, after his sil slapped my daughter and that i advised her to stay far off from me for her very own sturdy, his mom then began occurring approximately how i'm a foul mum (she's 40 two and extra bothered approximately drugs then her daughter, who's now 11 living together with her dad) and how i'm abusive (it is the worst element i'e ever reported to everyone, and her different son's useful GF slapped my 3 y/o, what does she assume, and lower back 40 two, takes drugs, gets in fights, has hit me and my fella and her daughter for no reason). i've got been waiting 3 years for my fella to strengthen a lower back bone, yet a brilliant form of the clarification why he could no longer have a pass grow to be cos he lived together with her, then i moved in and he or she might have had NO concern kicking us, and our toddler out. in line with risk she has some thing over him, or perchance he's in basic terms questioning 'she's my mum' and forgetting approximately you being his GF. talk to him lower back, that's all you may relatively do. And enable her comprehend she will't walk throughout you, I desire i did together with his mum from the initiating. EDIT: theory i might upload, as quickly as we lived along together with her we lived especially plenty in his mattress room, charged £50 for him and £15 for me, then we had to get our very own foodstuff, and that i grow to be consistently paying for her electric powered and gasoline, and buying foodstuff for her and her daughter, so it wasn't like we've been living there for unfastened, she have been given extra human beings each and each week than we could arise with the money for commonly, and he or she on no account gave a crap that we had a new child to feed. he's asked if she will come see bump whilst that's born, and that i've got reported specific, yet provided that she actually comes as much as us, as we commonly had to pass to her, even whilst she grow to be borrowing off us so she might desire to pass out and having us babysit for nowt.