What is unequally Yoked?

Question

Do I have to stop seeing my boyfriend who refuses to become Christian? Does that make us unequally yoaked? He is not happy with me now that I am a Christian because I told him no more sex untill we get married. He doesn't think that is right.

Answer 1

You seem to know for yourself what being 'unequally yoked' is - that is a Child of God (Christian) getting married to a non-believer. You have become a Christian and is standing firm on issue of no more sex until after marriage, which is the right thing to do. By becoming a Christian, you made an impotant decision in your life to follow Christ, to obey Him and to live life according to His standards. Your boyfriend refuses to become a Christian and is unhappy with your stand of no sex until after marriage. This is to be expected as he does not know Jesus or love Jesus.

You are now at a point where you need to decide what to do about many things and many of your decisions, should you choose to obey Jesus, would put you at odds with your boyfriend. For one, you should not marry him if he is not born-again because a child of God cannot enter into a relationship with a child of the devil (putting it a bit bluntly - as anyone who does not belong to Jesus belongs to satan). You will also have many differing standards which will make it difficult for you and him - to compromise is not a solution. And then, when you have kids, whose religion are they to follow? A marriage that is built on just sex with nothing in common will not be able to stand the test of time. An unequally yoked marriage will be one of daily conflicts and arguments and will not be good for either of you.

Pray that you will be wise, love God and will not let love for one man separate you from the love of God. Suggest you talk this issue out with your Pastor or one of the church counsellor.

Answer 2

There you have an example of why Paul recommended this; "unequally yoked" means married to a person who isn't a Christian. And yes, it creates problems because your values, expectations and norms are different. Going into a marriage with a non-believer is never a good idea. Many think they will "draw the unbeliever to God" but usually it's the unbeliever who draws the believer away. Paul was right when he says the married person is concerned with making their spouse happy, keeping the peace, etc.
The fact that your BF is unhappy with you now that you've become a Christian is a sign of things to come. You are absolutely right not to have sex before marriage, and if he doesn't like that, I think it's time to move on and find someone who shares your core values. He is unwilling to change for you, why should you allow him to walk all over your beliefs?
I became a Christian after 10 yrs of marriage, and my husband still isn't. It's very hard to be the only believer in a relationship. You're young--you have time to find a person who can share the deepest, most important things in your life and be more of a help than a hindrance.

Answer 3

Dear Unequally Yoked,
The New Testament bible says to not to be unequally yoked. It says if you find out you are, you may live with it as follows.
You don't have to give up your boyfriend. As a matter of fact the new testament says that if one of the mates is a Christian, you will hold the candle so to speek for the other. This is the thing dear heart, opposites don't really attract anyone you will want to be with in the long hall but you will be in the relationship for lessons. It is so much nicer to be able to share your faith with someone who is the same minded. The more you have in common the more you will agree on the things you do and the life you spend together is more likely to not be pulling in opposite dirrections. I do have a lot of experience in what I am talking about , so I am only giving you the best advice I know. You may learn the hard way or the easy way by listening to what I just told you, but either way you will find out. Here is something else to ponder. People evolve spiritually and there are more women who are naturally spiritual than men are. Something about the right brain thinking that women have and men think more with the left brain. When you decide to seek the Kindom of God and his rightiousness you will continue to grow because you are open to it. You will find that some friends or even family will fall away form you because like attracts like. I realize that Loving someone is such a nice feeling and you don't want to let go. If a person does not Love you enough to respect your wishes about having sex before marriage, then I would say that that is more important to them than you. Do you really want a person like that in your life? I think you would be much happier alone. Love yourself enough and don't give your morality away to someone who is selfish. This is called being used. Hope this information helps and maybe if you stay with him, your example will rub off on him, but that is the chance you take. But don't give into physicality unless you want to, and not because you are being manipulated by threats of loss of freinds ot lovers.
Rev. TomCat

Answer 4

Yes sweety, that would make you unequally yoked. Keep praying that he will find the Lord as you have. But stand firm on waiting until marriage. If this young man is not the one for you. then you will find some one else. Maybe when the time is right a nice young Christian boy at church.

Answer 5

If you continue seeing your boyfriend you are just hanging around and window shopping at temptation mall. Being unequally yoked means being in some sort of binding relationship with another person. It could be marriage or a living arrangement or a business partnership of something like that.

Of course you boyfriend doesn't think that no more sex is right. If you stay with him and get married to him then you will be unequally yoked. You ought to tell him that your relationship is over unless he becomes a Christian and let him know that you don't want him to just act like he is a Christian in order to please you. He needs to get all of the way "in Christ" and be the type of person who would be the one to tell you that you two can't have sex unless you are married. Don't tempt him to pretend to become a Christian just so that he can pick up where you two left off.

Answer 6

Forming an intimate, committed relationship with someone who does not share your beliefs is unequally yoked. It sounds like your difficulties may be just beginning. The sex before marriage is probably just a start. The danger of a relationship like this is that it can pull against you constantly and force you to continually choose between God and your boyfriend. You are in a tough situation, my prayers are with, may the Holy Spirit guide you.

Answer 7

Yes, that would be unequally yoked... The analogy is of two oxen that, in those times, pulled a cart in tandem (side by side). If one oxen is stronger than the other, the cart will turn around in a circle and go nowhere. Imagine the confusion if one pulled forward and the other backwards, as you and your boyfriend seem to be doing.

Good on you for standing up for what you believe in in a difficult circumstance like that (ie no more sex till marriage).

But in answer to your question, "Do I have to stop seeing my boyfriend...", the answer is - No, you don't HAVE to, but it might be wise for you to do so. You and your children will be so much better off if you marry someone who shares your faith. (Speaking from personal experience: My Mum and Dad didn't have the same faith - CONFLICT)

Answer 8

you are right. Unequally yoked means just that. It is a term when using two animals to pull a cart or plow. if the parts that hook up to the necks are not equal in length the cart or plow will turn in one direction or the other. So if you are unequally yoked, that is what you are doing. You are unequally yoked with your boyfriend because you say no more because were not married, and he says that is wrong. So he is trying to pull you one way and you are wanting to go the other.

Answer 9

If he refuses to accept Jesus Christ as his Saviour, and you marry him, you are unequally yoked to an unbeliever. See 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Answer 10

The Bible states that no Christian should marry an "unbeliever", as at:
“Be ye not unequally yoked, [bound] together with unbelievers”, II Corinthians 6:14-15).
This statement obviously leaves some room for "interpretation", but is at the same time very clear, in its intention.
The Bible also says that "faith is by grace, that no man/(person) should boast" of their faith. That's a pretty profound statement, because it means that we cannot be a "believer", just because we want to be. Therefore, many people who "think" they're Christian "believers", actually are not. "Belief" in the Resurrection means that we "believe" in our own coming "after-life", and this naturally leads us to study "The Word"/Bible, in order to not make any "mistakes" that will lead to our "eternal damnation". Being a "new" Christian, you should be led to study, (and obey), the Bible, (and the Second Advent of Christ), and it's possible you could, (and should), convince your "boyfriend" to do the same.
One thing is certain. The Bible is quite clear, about the destructive power of any sexual relations outside of the sanctity of marriage. So your "boyfriend" is quite incorrect, about that. Given the "hormones of youth", this is an expected "mistake" in judgement, but we inherit this reality from the fact that we are born into a "Fallen World", caused by Adam's and Eve's original disobedience to God's Commandment. Your "boyfriend" is simply taking the position of the "Archangel" who deceived and seduced Eve, although he is most likely not aware of that original source of his mistaken ideas, about "sex".
It's not easy, for us or for God, to have these conditions, but it is reality, that we are asked by God to not have sexual relations outside of marriage, and also not marry until our spirutual growth is sufficient to allow us to understand the responsibilities of being a "true parent". Adam and Eve became "false parents", by having sexual relations before they were supposed to.