My sister in law is getting married on 08' Since she is planning now she and her man has said they do not want kids to attend the wedding or the after party. Which I know is understandable and her choose. My husband and I have a baby and another on the way.By her wedding they will be 2 and almost 1. Now my question is why should I go if my kids her nephew and niece are not welcome? I know it's her day. But she has called us before and asked us to come to a party and asked us if there is "someone who can watch the kid". I am mad because I didn't have kids for someone else to be watching when ever she wants us too. And I only let his parents watch our son. But they will be at the wedding. Is it wrong for me to say if the kids can't come we are not going to attend? (My husband and I are in agreement on this) But I would like to know how I can also tell her how we feel when she says things like this to us.
2007-04-17 15:00:15 · 13 answers · asked by Kellie R 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't have anyone besides his family to leave the kids with. The only other person I could won't keep them after 8pm. And she already told me this when I was telling her about it even though I didn't ask her too watch them.And there planning an evening wedding and it's an hour drive, so if it starts at 5 and the wedding is til say 6 and we eat adn toast them we still won't get home by the time she wants me to pick the kids up.
2007-04-17 15:17:16 · update #1
If you can find a reliable sitter, then I would say go. But on the other hand if you cannot, don't go. Give their wedding gift to one of the family members to take to the wedding and be done with it. I was in the same situation before (not a wedding) and the invitation said no children. I did'nt have a babysitter so I did not attend. So later on when I talk to the person, and they asked me why I did'nt come to the function, I said because I did'nt have anyone to watch my kids. She said "Oh, you know you could have brought them with you." I believe that she really did want me to come because she had not seen me in years. But why would you put "No children" on an invitation. I just don't understand that because it was a "very family-oriented function."
2007-04-17 16:25:53 · answer #1 · answered by Tonya W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's bogus trying to find babysitters, isn't it? We've sacrificed many nights at home because we hate finding someone to watch the kids. As for your sis-in-law, she's obviously not a kid person, but everyone has the right to be how they want to be. It's one night- I assume the wedding is in town, so you wouldn't have to leave the kids for the weekend. Consider if the fallout of not going is worth it, and I think you'll agree that getting a babysitter is the better choice. "Taking a stand" by not going won't 'school' her on how to behave- you'll just be venting your spleen. You had the wedding you wanted, and thoughtful or not, she deserves the wedding she wants. Get a babysitter and go.
2007-04-17 22:50:16 · answer #2 · answered by scouseryank33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is one occasion where you will need to find a sitter and you have plenty of time to find a really great one for this one evening.
Do you really want to risk your relationship with your SIL over one event? Because quite honestly if you do the, we bring the kids or we don't go thing, then chances are you are going to severely damage the relationship. It's just not worth it for one night.
Pick your battles wisely, this is her wedding. It's an important day for her. Any other time I would say don't go, but this is different. This day is important. The kids will be fine with a sitter for one night.
2007-04-17 22:08:54 · answer #3 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the next YEAR to find yourself a responsible sitter that you can trust to care for your children for one evening.
I think it's pretty selfish and innapropriate of you to believe that she believes that you had children so that she could invite you to adult social functions and boss you around about childcare "whenever she wants to"...
Your sister in law is certainly not stepping out of line by asking that you provide a sitter for your children during her wedding and following reception. Neither function is an environment for a child.
These are adult functions that she so graciously is inviting you to and obviously wants you to attend. She doesn't have to invite you at all....but it sounds like she CARES if you have a sitter or if you may need her help in finding one so that you and your husband can attend and enjoy in the company of adults.
I think you're way out of line here... truly...
Maybe it's a control issue that you have...You want to be able to tell someone HOW IT IS and it's going to be your sister in-law... Hhhmmm...
I'm afraid that you will end up being the one who appears immature and selfish.
I suggest that you save the arguments for something legitimate...
Good Luck....
2007-04-17 22:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by ~Me~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think it's wrong... or right.. it's your sister in law's personal decision. so telling her how you feel isn't going to change the fact that she doesn't want children at her wedding and reception. but it is making waves, and just a little controlling.
i realize you didn't have kids to leave them with babysitters, but the truth is, you NEED to get out without them once in a while.. it's good for you, it's good for your marriage... taking time out for YOU once in a while isn't considered abandoning your children.
i worked very hard when my kids were growing up, and went out and occasionally hired a babysitter... i had two sitters i trusted and who had great references. my kids are adults now, and are not emotionally scarred or have never complained to me because i decided to treat myself to a night out and left them with the sitter.
i'm sure your sister in law does not dislike your kids and she isn't doing this to spite children. perhaps she doesn't want the distractions and would like to have an "adult" celebration. in peace.
please try to look at it from her point of view.
i hope you have a nice time if you make it to the wedding. take care.
2007-04-17 22:48:41 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may be her wedding but you and your husband agree and you also have a choice. My cousin did this last summer and barely anyone went, our family values all it's members and they were upset but when they thought about it, it made sense that it could cause division in the family. Do what you decide, be willing to live with the consequences either way you go.
2007-04-17 22:45:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
here is how i feel about this subject.
i have a family member getting married in June and they also do not want children to attend the wedding or the reception.
personally, i don't blame them. no one wants to be skirting a bunch of running, yelling, and crying kids!
they run around, make a mess and get on everyone nerves.
they want an adult only day and they should have it.
if you don't want to get a sitter and you feel that if your kids aren't welcome you will not attend.... stay home!!!
not everyone likes your kids
2007-04-17 22:25:15 · answer #7 · answered by KRIS 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would be honest and say that just as she has made a choice about not including your kids in her life, you have also had to make a choice...I agree that you shouldn't go. They will need to understand that this choice, excluding children, means that many people will have to decide about whether or not to come, and it's possible that family/friends will not be there. I'd say that it just seems wrong to leave your family out of family get togethers, and you choose to decline. When/if they choose to have kids someday, I hope no one decides to exclude them.
2007-04-17 22:09:42 · answer #8 · answered by momof2 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your sister has a right to request that no kids be at her wedding and reception. It's up to you whether you find a babysitter and attend, or not attend at all.
2007-04-17 22:09:21 · answer #9 · answered by bookworm1171 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you value your relationship with her at all and want it to continue, keep quiet! This is her special day and she wants it her way, so let her have it her way. You have lots of time to find a sitter for your children. It does NOT mean she doesn't love them. She simply wants the day to be child free. Please honor that request and make her day the day of her dreams.
2007-04-17 22:09:13 · answer #10 · answered by Kyle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋