How do you cope with out a father for 13 years? I'm older than that but he lelt early. Like I said, I don't know how to feel... I love him (not sure why) but hate him for what he's done to my whole family. One minuet he'll be regular the next I'll write him and he'll make me feel like a piece of crap. The funny thing is I haven't seen him face to face for 13 or more years and we both live in the same small town. I love him but want to cuss him out. What should I do to make these feelings of worthlessness and pain go away? I don't want to turn to drugs and alchohol (his way of things) but I feel like I'm starting to slip. And another question...Am I the only one?
2007-04-17 14:54:53 · 5 answers · asked by Ice 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First you have got to tell yourself everyday that it is NOT YOUR FAULT HE IS WHO HE IS. I mean say it, everyday. Next you need to really just evaluate the whole situation. The good, the bad. How he behaves, how he makes you feel. Does he do more good in your life or is he tearing it apart?
We can't choose our parents or who they are, but we DO NOT have to allow them to destroy our lives. So many feel like we have to maintain contact with our parents even if they are destructive to our lives and who we are. We don't. I love my mother, but she is a terror in my life and she is not good for me. Instead of trying to make her happy or allowing her to destroy me I chose to keep her out of my life. I still love her, but I don't speak to her and haven't for two years. I am happier than ever because I am not allowing her to tear me down. It was a tough choice, but it had to be done for my own sanity.
2007-04-17 15:21:34 · answer #1 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope you are not the only one and won't be the last unfortunately. Your father is not the same as you. He will never, never be the same. He is not capable of it. Nobody's fault, just a fact. However you can move beyond this without the crutch. Focus on your own feelings towards others and embrace this. Your father has no empathy. Understand what empathy means and appreciate there is nothing you or anybody else can do to change this. Acceptance and then move on to a life you so richly deserve. You are not bad and nothing you did caused it. Learn from this experience and go out there and do the best you can.
2007-04-17 23:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey... I know somewhat of how you feel. I haven't seen my father in 10 years and I'm currently rebuilding a relationship with him, but yours and my situation are different in terms of the situation of things. Hun, you are definitely NOT the only one, and don't ever feel that way. Is there an adult male that you look up to and can trust? If so, maybe (if it's appropriate) view him as a fatherly figure. A father doesn't have to biological, it can be anyone you trust. There's something about him you love and you don't know what it is. I live in a small town as well so I know what that whole "close yet far away" thing feels like.
How to make the feelings of worthlessness and pain go away? Take a walk now and then, simply revel in the moment of the day... Writing has always been very therapeutic for me, try it some time. Just go on and on about whatever you like. Write a letter but don't send it. Write pages and pages of your feelings, whatever you want. If you feel comfortable talking to someone you trust about the situation then do so. Realize this is NOT your fault in any way, shape or form, okay?
YOU are worth it and you deserve better than he is willing to give you. Turn away from him if you can and move on with your own life. With drugs/alcohol involved it doesn't seem like a good idea to meet him or anything like that. If you have unanswered questions try talking to someone you trust- if you can. I know what it feels like to feel like you have no one to go to. But, believe me, as I learned the hard way, there is ALWAYS someone, maybe someone you wouldn't have realized you could talk to before.
Be introspective, but realize this isn't something to be handled on your own either. If you want to talk about anything, no specifics, just general I promise, or specifics if you wish, feel free to click on my name and send me a message. I wish you well with this, it can be tough, but do your best. Find something you really excel at and work off your stress by doing whatever that something is.
2007-04-17 22:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by Kiara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hon, you're not the only one with an irresponsible and uncaring or absent father. my father was a real piece of work, and i know what it feels like. don't feel alone...
PLEASE do not turn to drugs or alcohol... they don't help or change a thing, except for clouding your thinking and making life more confusing.
perhaps you need to talk with someone who you respect and trust, so you can express your feelings... and perhaps even get some good, sound advice (or even a shoulder to lean on).
let your mom or another adult you trust, know how you're feeling... abandoned, sad, ignored... and angry. it's ok to have feelings. your mom won't know how you feel until you tell her.
perhaps talking will help you begin to heal... and maybe you'll even decide to talk to a therapist?
please take care of YOU, and keep expressing your feelings.
hugz.
2007-04-17 23:16:47 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's still your father is why. So go cuss him out if you want to. Never knew mine.
2007-04-21 20:40:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋