What do you tell a child who........?

Question

My 6yr old came home saying that one of her "white" friends says they can no longer play with her, because her mommy says if she plays with black people her skin will turn to mud...why would a parent tell a child that? I had to have a talk with my very upset (sad) 6yr old. How would you guys approach this? what would you tell your child if they had come across a racial remark at such a innocent (young) age?

Answer 1

If this was said at school- I would bring it up with the principal.

Otherwise I would explain to your daughter that some people think that anyone that is different from them is bad. I would then call the girl's mother and repeat what was said. If she's willing to say it to YOUR face she's a lost cause.. but if she backs down and pretends to not know about it then I would insist the children play together at my home and ask that she speaks with her daughter.

Answer 2

1. I'd tell my child that it's not true and that she should tell her friend it's not true.
2. I'd immediately contact the school and ask for a guidance counselor to set up a meeting to intervene RE: race relations.
3. I'd advise the teacher of the comments made to make sure he/she was aware of the situation and hopefully he/she will try to help monitor such comments.
4. I'd try my best to explain to my child that, sadly, there are some really stupid people in the world and that her friend's comment says more about her momma than it does your child's momma.
5. I wouldn't try to force friendship between my child and the child of a racist.
6. I'd reiterate to my child that just because her friend said something so vile and nasty doesn't mean it's true.
7. I'd simplify the lecture, but explain that (especially in some areas and age groups) there are some really old ideas that sometimes get passed down from generation to generation and that anger about the comment (and the comments she may overhear during her lifetime) will only hurt her. Slurs are designed to hurt, and the best revenge is not to allow it to affect you. Instead, she might decide to pity folks who settle on such ignorant mindsets. (Sometimes it's the only way I can make it through the day!)
8. Give her a huge hug and remind her it's not the color of her or her friends' skin that matters to you, it's what inside, and that you hope she will grow up choosing friends based on the content of their character.

As a mom, I know how hard it can be to rear children without racism. I'm sorry it came into play so early in life, but the best you can do is make it a 'teachable moment'.

Answer 3

Wow! The things parents tell their kids! I'm sorry that your child had to endure that. I would make a phone call to the teacher explaining what happened and ask her for suggestions. More than likely she has probably endured this before with other parents and children. You could also talk with the counselor of the school. She has probably been trained to deal with such issues. I have talked to my children about racism. I tell them that color should not matter, but unfortunately, some kids are taught the opposite and don't know any better. But because we know better, and because color of skin does not make a person, we decide if we like a person by personality, not looks. I hope this helps some. I would be quite hurt for my child if that happened to them. Good luck hun. Hugs to you.

Answer 4

I'm so sorry that happened to your child. It is a shame that there are still adults out there with that kind of prejudice.

I guess you will have to tell your child that there are ignorant people in the world who don't realize that other things are more important than skin color. But also tell her that there are many, many more people who will appreciate her for who she is --not what she looks like. And she should be proud of who she is!

Unfortunately, prejudice works both ways. When my children were small, we lived in a very diverse neighborhood and they played with everyone. They invited ALL their friends ( black and white) to their birthday parties. One day, they were playing with another girl, when a young boy approached the group and invited their friend,who was black, to his party --and then turned to my two daughters and said "but you can't come because you are white." When they told me, I told them that the boy and his family would not be invited to any more birthdays at our house if they were not welcome in his.

Answer 5

In grade 1 I had a similar experience where my black friends told me that their parents said they couldn't play with me because white people are evil. I was shattered!!! I hadn't even realised we were different, and no I wasn't dumb hehehe

My parents sat me down and explained that some people feel that we are different from them and that it was not meant as a personal attack on me. (obviously said in "kid" words)

I am so sorry your daughter had to go through this and I can understand how hurtful it was to her.
I would try not to react with hateful remarks in return, although I would be tempted to if someone said something like that to my son. I would tell him he is loved and that perhaps he will have to find a new friend and when that child gets older they will learn to see all people as people.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Tell her the truth. Let her know that there are some people in this world that won't like her because of her color, but that doesn't mean that she isn't special to you and everyone else that loves her. Let her know that some people won't like others for silly reasons, like where they are born, and how they dress. This would be a good time to explain why its wrong to not like others just because they are different. Let her know its not her fault, not her friends fault, but her mommy simply thinks this way.
Unfortunately, racism becomes a part of many people's lives because of their beliefs, or others toward them. With this being a fact of life, it would be a good time to sit down and talk to your daughter about this subject. Also, let her know that despite people's differences, most people have good, kind hearts and THAT is stronger than racism and prejudice, so she shouldn't feel that everyone is going to be racist toward her.

Answer 7

That is so sad! I think maybe you should talk to the teacher or a leader of the school. Just explain to your child that if someone is going to speak to him that way than he isn't worth having as a friend. I had a situation this year. My daughter is in 2nd and she came and asked me what a ni***r was. I called her teacher right away and even gave the teacher names. It was handled by the teacher, but the sad thing is is that they were calling a girl in her class that.

Answer 8

Tell your little one that some 'ignorant' people don't teach their children that color doesn't rub off and people are all the same colors on the inside. Tell her God made all the colors because He likes variety-we have different color animals, flowers,trees.He likes all colors equally!
If they are in the same school,you should make sure the teacher[s] and principal know about it.There may not be any hope for the parent, but her friend might still be educated.
Good luck!

Answer 9

This is an opportunity for learning. Your daughter like all of us will have to learn that their are lots of people who are prejudiced and mean and stupid. I told my children that some people are NOT very smart or brave. Tell her you're sorry that this mommy isn't very smart. Explain to her that she is not to go out and announce that this little girl's mother isn't smart. She doesn't want to be mean. And explain to her that she'll meet other people like this and she needs to learn how to deal with them. I am caucasian, from Denmark. When I was little my best friend was Black. Her father, a police officer was forced to tell my father that it wasn't safe for them or me to visit anymore. I had a tough time understanding but didn't want her family hurt because of me. I did eventually understand how stupid some people are. But there are lots more friends out there for her to play with who will appreciate her for the sweet baby girl she is.

Answer 10

Your daughter's white friends' mom is full of bullsh*t and a racist pig. The white mom must want white supremacy and support the KKK. There is no way that skin colors will change just because of interracial relationships.