I'm 18 and pregnant... my parents are religious. How do I tell them?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We've known each other for awhile, and my mom really likes him. My parents are really religious though (pentecostal) and I know they'll be disappointed when I tell them. I'm currently in college, ending my freshman year and I intend to return after next year, so I'll be back for what would be my junior year. I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar or has any advice on how to break the news in a gentler way... or maybe prepare me for what may be coming my way. Thanks!

I'd like to add that my boyfriend (though I should say fiance now) plan to get married over the summer. He knows that he's in for the long haul now, there's no getting rid of me (ha!). He's really excited and doesn't even see this as that bad of a situation. We'd always planned on getting married and having kids, this is just sooner (A LOT SOONER!) than expected.

Answer 1

I agree with the first comment... up until the idiot said "your life is over." That is ridiculous.

That said, there is not much you can do except tell them to sit down and just say it. There is no way to make it any gentler. But it is probably true. If you do it over the phone, they will have some time to think it over and will cool down some before you see them in person, which might make it easier for you. Then, if they are good parents, they will accept the fact and support you in any way they can. It is over and done with, so there is no use being angry. If not, then you may need to lean on your friends and hopefully your boyfriend for support. It is really hard for anyone to give you better advice than this, because we do not know your parents. Some religious parents understand that people make mistakes or have different views than them, and they will know that loving and supporting their child is more important than judging them. Some religious parents don't. You know them better than we do, so only you can guess how they will react.

In any case, don't get too down about it. You have a child! If you are religious, too, then you know that this is a special gift from God. Love that child, raise them right, give them a good life, and you will MORE than make up for the circumstances under which you became pregnant. And if you are NOT religious, then the decision is ultimately yours anyway, so who cares what people think? You cannot change what your parents think, but you can make sure you maintain a positive attitude and enjoy the little bundle of joy you are bringing into the world. It happens all the time, and if you put in the love and effort, it will be worth it. Hopefully your parents will be smart enough to participate in the child's life in a positive way. If not, then it is THEIR loss.

The only other thing I have to say is, "Congratulations!" Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, where does the baby's father stand on this issue. Is he supportive of your decision to continue the pregnancy and is he willing to help you in raising the child?

If you have an idea of your plans and goals, sit down, if possible with your boyfriend when you talk with your parents and explain the plans. That will allay most of their fears and they are more likely to support your decision.

I also want you to know that there is a group called "Feminists for Life" that specifically is trying to help women who are raising children while attending school. They call it their College Outreach Program. This is their website: http://www.feministsforlife.org/cop/index.htm .

Although you didn't say what you are planning to do, but it sounds like you are willing to go through the pregnancy. Good for you!! I'm 44 and a mother, working, and a college student, so I'm telling you that your dream of finishing college while raising a child can be done!! And I'm not the only mom attending college.

The biggest key will be during the pregnancy and after the baby is born to create a support network so you can balance the needs of your child and your needs. In the long run, you will make a better life for your child by continuing your education.

Please don't listen to anyone who says that if you go through with the pregnancy, you are ruining your life. There are LOTs of mothers out there that attend college full time while raising children. All this means is that you may have to change the way you get to your goals.

Hang in there, okay???

Answer 3

Just be honest. They are human and have surely made some bad decisions, too. The important thing is that you make the right decisions from now on since it no longer only effects you. Sure your parents may be disappointed, but if they are truly Christians, they will get past their negative feelings and support you as you go through this important time in life. You are not the first to get pregnant out of wedlock and you certainly won't be the last. Don't be hard on yourself and don't let their feelings bring you down. I would suggest you pray before you talk to them. Pray that God prepares them to hear the news and that He gives you all the right words. I had to tell my parents about a pregnancy,too. Fortunately, they were supportive. Yours may be, too. Keep your head up! Oh...and Congratulations!

Answer 4

Ok, here's the deal. Your parents are going to be disappointed, but they won't stop loving you, so the best thing to do is to figure out how you're going to deal with this ( daycare, support, etc ) and then just sit them down and TELL them.

Hopefully, you have a good relationship with your parents - I know that if either of my daughters came to me with this news, I would be disappointed, but I also know that I wouldn't stop loving them or caring for them.

Be sure you have a solid plan, and ask them for their advice and support as you implement it. Accept their initial reaction as purely emotional - my brother was more worried about how we (his family) would react when his daughter got pregnant than anything else.

To be honest, we love my niece, but we expect her to behave like an adult and "own" this situation - which she has!

PS - Don't even think of forcing the father into marriage at this point, unless a lifetime of resentment and recriminations are really what you want to go through. However, be sure the father knows what HE is in for as well - a lifetime of supporting his child and BEING a father!

Answer 5

Im 17 and pregnant. Any parent will be disappointed but most parents are very supportive and in the end get very excited and love the baby. My mom was 18 when she had me, and my parents didn't abandon her either. Just tell them your sorry for disappointing them, but your pregnant. Don't tell them until your a few months along the way because some parents make their child get an abortion. Good luck!

Answer 6

Are you also religious? If so, I would have your pastor or minister help things along - tell him or her and then you will have some support for your parents and you. If you aren't religious, just tell them the truth and what your plans are. They can't force you to do anything because you ARE 18. But there are options, despite how excited you are, I would really think through them because you are very young and will really need that education.

Answer 7

I was on a telephone crisis line for 3 years. Most parents are more supportive than you would think (more than I would have thought before I worked there).

Can you be simply honest and humble? You obviously know them better than I do. Just tell them you have something important to tell them. Then just come out with it. "I'm Pregnant. Here's what and I want to do about it." Then you explain your position, how you're feeling, and let them talk. You might need to give them a little time alone to work out their feelings: grandchildren and career changes are big things for you to handle, and parents are usually wrapped up in these things, too.

Answer 8

Trust me. I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm 20 know and I'm going on 7 wks pregnant. I'm in school and I work. My parents are religious as well. I grew up in church and was preached to about no sex before marriage. I'm not married but me and my boyfriend plan on it after the baby is born. I had to tell my parents even though I didn't want to. Just tell them that you are an adult and you plan on handling it like an adult. If they want to help you, don't pass up the opportunity. Tell them that you would like them to support you and be in your baby's life. You, your boyfriend, and your parents should sit down and discuss everything. It may be hard, but if you're parents really love and care about you, they will help you and support you. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 9

I think if I were in your shoes I would start with my mom. That way she could mediate for me and my dad. They are going to be upset bc of the plans they had for you. Hopefully, they will eventually move on from that, and accept where you are and celebrate even.

Depending on how religious they are (overly) they may respond in a way you don't like. IF that is the case, please know that their reaction is only evidence of their inablility to be gracious and compassionate. It is not a reflection of you or your "mistake."

I wish you the best. You sound like a very level headed 18 year old, so I'm sure you will be a great mother

Answer 10

Not quite the same situation, but I've been in a similar boat. Odds are if your parents are like mine, they suspect it anyway. Don't ask me how they know- they just do. I'd try say something like "I know you're not going to want to hear this but..." or if that's too hard, try write a letter or e-mail. In my case my parents asked me directly, had they not I'd of writen a letter.