Should I make my teenager go to church?

Question

My son is 13 and has lived with his father for most of his life. His father has told him only ignorant people believe in God. I've invited him to come with me to church, and he's seemed interested but then decides not to go. We have a really wonderful youth program and since he just came to live with me he doesn't have a lot of friends. I know he'd have a great time if he just gave it a try, so should I force him to go once or twice or just let him continue to believe church is boring?

Answer 1

I wouldn't make him but I would tell you to continue to encourage him to go to church with you. Bring home some church bulletins and a flier that talks about the youth program. Go talk to the youth group leader and ask him to call or visit your son. A little incentive tell him there are some cute girls.
Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 2

I think that if you are going to church then your son should go with you. If he tells you that only ignorant people believe in God, then you should remind him that only ignorant people make judgments without all the facts. Plus going to the youth program is a great way for him to meet other kids. If he really doesn't want to go to the youth program then I wouldn't force that, but if you are attending the service then he is 13 and he should be expected to attend it with you. He'll probably meet some of the kids there and it will be easier if he decides to get involved with the youth on his own.

Answer 3

I like some of the suggestions, about inviting the youth minister to talk to him, and seeing if some of the kids his age would come over to your house to talk about it, and about bringing flyers about the program home so that he can read about it.

Is your son shy? When I was a kid I was really shy, and I still am, but not quite so bad. My dad asked me to join the group of Jewish kids that got together every Saturday, but I didn't know anyone, and was really shy, and was afraid the kids would make fun of me and not be friendly, etc. It got so bad that I would cry about it when my dad brought it up, and so finally he quit asking me to go.

If that's the case, maybe you know someone in church who has a son the same age as you, and you could ask them to come over to your place, maybe for lunch or dinner on a Sunday after church, and if the two kids get along, maybe he could tag along to church the next time, and he'd be able to hang out with his new friend. That would make being in a new situation by himself less scary.

I just get the feeling he wants to go to church, but is shy or scared about being the "newbie". The first step is always the hardest. Maybe you could tell him that the first time is the worst, and it'll get better after that, and if he doesn't like it after 3 or 4 times, then he doesn't need to go anymore. He's too old for you to hold his hand though, so getting him a friend to lean on might be easier.

Also, if no matter what you try, he resists it, I wouldn't keep pushing it, you don't want your relationship with your son to suffer because of this. Good luck.

Answer 4

Maybe encourage him to go to a youth program that is not during the time when church services are typically held. Our youth group used to hold lock-ins on Friday nights and things like that.

But I would say no, don't force him. You'll only drive him further away if you force him to go and he won't open up to the experience you want him to have. I was forced to go to church during my crises of faith and I no longer attend a christian church because of it. He needs time to cycle through his feelings and figure a few things out. Moving in with you after being with his dad must be hard enough already, forcing him to go to church would make it worse.

Best of luck!
Peace,
Jenn

Answer 5

I think if you force him to go, he will more likely decide never to go. If your church does have a great youth program, why not talk to some of the youth. Invite them over to meet and hang out with your son. If he gets along well with them, he'll be more willing to go to church since he'll know they'll be there.

Answer 6

As a child (and teen) I was forced to be Catholic like my mother. Forcing me to go to church with her was the worst thing my mother could have done. As an adult I have shunned her religion. I don't have contempt for religion in general, I just remember how I was made to go even though it did not suite me and I hate it! Don't make him go. Take him along maybe once so that he can attend youth group and see what its about. Then it's up to him whether or not to go back. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well speaking as both a parent and Minister I would not force but strongly urge him to go along with you as usually after church my wife and kids and I go out to eat, use that as a reason. Take the time to make Sunday family time and he will come around and soon you will hear him beg to go to church activities.

Answer 8

The old axiom "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". And forcing him at this point is going to make him resent religion and you. Instead, ask the youth leaders if they can come over and introduce themselves, or better yet, have some of the kids come and invite him. It is amazing how effective that is! (And if he thinks it's his idea, he's much more likely to do it!)

Answer 9

No if he is not willing to go on his own then do not force the issue. He is entitled to form his own beliefs even if they are not your own. Forcing him may cause him to dislike any form of religion. I was placed in Catholic schools by my parents forced to go to church at a young age when I did not want to. Once I became 13 I turned on any form of religion and other than weddings and funerals never step into a church.

Answer 10

Encourage him but don't force. It sounds like if you keep on how you are going he will eventually go on his own. Maybe a good first start would be to go to some sort of church social outing.