What do i do? I am a bridesmaid in despair.?

Question

OK, i am a brides maid in my fiances brothers wedding. She has gotten these ridicoulously ugly dresses (for free) and she expects me to wear it in front of our entire family. To make matters worse, it does not fit properly. The top is like 3 sizes to small, and i am extremely busty. It looks as though i have a tissue box stuffed up top and my breasts are boiling over the top. Not to mention i cannot wear a bra with it. Big no no for me. She had the nerve to ask me if i could just stand to wear it for one night.....and be completely humilaited for the rest of my life due to wedding photos. I just want to cry. She is having her entire wedding payed for, and she cant afford to buy her 2 bridesmaid decent dresses?!@ I offered to pay for mine in full so i dont look horrible. Her sloution is having her grandmother tear the dress apart to try and add panels. It wont work i know. She is in my wedding and i would never do this to her. I just want her to ask someone else. What do i do? *CRYS*

The dress cannot be altered to fit, there isnt even an inch of fabric on it, they are talking about adding panels. I have offered to pay for a new dress, but i refuse to wear something that will be aweful for me and look horrible in her wedding photos. I would never ask her to do that for my wedding, why would she expect me to do that for her?

The dress cannot be taken back, it is used and to top it off, it has a stain on it. I am just so humiliated. i told her that her grandmad can try and alter it, but there is not enough room to let it out, and then take it in at the waist. Lets just say the dress is a train wreck. I have spent countless hours looking for a dress that will work for her. The dresses arent even what she wants, nor the right color. So i dont understand why she feels the need to use them. If the dress would fit i would keep my mouth shut, but it doesnt.

apparently people are not getting this, she is also in my wedding. I payed for her dress and am her buying her shoes and the whole she bang. The dress is made for like a B cup up top, it is high waisted so it cuts my breasts in half, i have double D's. so someone who is not getting it please explain how this is going to work????? I am getting frustrated!

apparently people think i am trying to be a B*otch, but i have offered to buy a new dress, one that she approves of. The main problem here is that it DOES NOT FIT, nor will it ever. If it fit, i would buck up and wear a smile on my face. I understand it is HER day, but to have my chest haning out in front of 200 people is unacceptable for someone who has respect for herself and others.

OK, it would seem no one is reading the post. It does not fit, nor can it be altered to fit! I am willing to wear an ugly dress, that doesnt bother me. I just dont want my BREASTS being the main focus. They are mine and i choose not to sure them with anyone other than my fiance. I cant even breathe in the dress it is so tight. I didn't ask for people to lable me as a b*tch, i was asking for help in how to deal with the matter. Telling me to "suck it up" does no one any good and is a waste of your time!

I guess the best thing i can do is wait for her grandmother to try and piec eit back together tomorrow on me and see for herself that it just wont work. Then i will tell her AGAIN that i will pay for my dress that she chooses, (if it fits correctly) and never mention it again. It's a horrible situation to be in, i just wish she would see it from my view. She saw me in the dress and i was too emberassed to even show it to my fiance or mother in law. It came off immediately. I am just concerned for how people will be staring at me instead of her, plus all the money she has put into photography to have it go to waste on my breasts.

Answer 1

You have another option, the dress will still be ugly but this might help. If grandma is really a good seamstress have her copy the dress asap so that it does fit you the way it's supposed to or take it to another seamstress and put a rush on it. I wouldn't make my bridesmaids look bad because I look back on wedding photos and go what the heck was the bride thinking and don't want to do that with my own. However, you agreed to be in the wedding so the dress is what is is but you can INSIST that it fit properly. Either that or you have to back out and deal with all the drama and confusion that would create. You don't have to spend all day in the dress. After the wedding party photos are done you can change at the reception.

Answer 2

Put the dress on in front of the bride. Calmly and nicely explain the problem. Show her that you MUST wear a bra and it doesnt fit you up top. Explain that you will pay to have it altered if it can be altered or tell her you would like to BUY a similar dress that will fit you. If she refuses both offers then tell her you are sorry but you will have to attend the wedding as just a guest then if she wont let you wear another dress. Thank her for trying to get free dresses but if it doesnt fit then it doesnt fit and "free" means nothing if you cant wear it. I was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding last year and dropped out and went as a regular guest when i saw the dresses. The dress was expensive and would not fit me right and the bride did not offer to let me get a different dress in the same color so I dropped out politely.

Answer 3

Ok, I am very busty as well, and I can totally understand your dilema. It's hard for me not to look like a complete hooker, even in a polo shirt. Dresses are a huge problem--In fact, I rarely can wear dresses because of my chest. I would NOT want them hanging out in front of God and everybody at a church!

I do not understand why the bride will not agree to your purchasing your own dress. Perhaps the other bridesmaids can't afford dresses? Perhaps she wants you to look bad? Not sure of the details, but it doesn't seem to add up. Why would she want you to wear a stained, used, horribly ufitting dress at her wedding if you are willing to buy any other dress she wants that fits you?? Regardless, here is what I would do:

If you can't find the same dress or designer online, then take the dress to a fabric store or alterations person and try to match the fabric exactly (or as closely as possible). Have a new dress made that matches the other dresses as closely as possible. Then--as far in advance of the wedding as possible--show the dress to the bride and tell her politely that either you will wear it or you must turn down her generous offer to include you in her ceremony. Her choice.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you!
Form an alliance with the other bridesmaid, then mention to your friend how these dresses are going to sour all the other beautiful things she has prepared for the day, not to mention her pictures which she will look at forever! Try to appeal to her good taste, in whatever way you can (even if you have to tell a white lie).
With the other bridesmaid, find something the bride would like better and you are both willing to buy.
Another thing, if she still doesnt get it, maybe start mentioning a wrap or a shawl that you "planning to wear" to cover the chest area and panels.
And if she still doesnt get it-- wear the wrap! But dont back out of her wedding over this. Its horrible, but everyone knows its not your fault.

Answer 5

if her grandma can't get it to fit after altering then try talking to her one more time.
explain that the dress does not fit and you don't want your boobs hanging out on her special day, also tell her that you feel uncomfortable showing that much boob.
tell her that you and the other bridesmaid would like to go shopping for dresses with her to find the exact color she wants and dresses that fit you well. make sure you and the other bridesmaid pay for it though. say thank you for the other dress but it just does not fit and makes you uncomfortable to not wear a bra.
if she doesn't care if you're uncomfortable then you may want to reconsider what kind of friend she is - maybe you shouldn't stand up there if you can't wear the dress.
try to figure something out that both of you can deal with.
either way you may still end up with an ugly dress- but at least get one that fits you. don't worry people won't look at you for picking a silly dress - everone knows the bride has to pick ugly bridesmaid dresses so she looks good :P
just try to get through it and don't ruin your friendship over a dress.
good luck! God Bless!

Answer 6

Do you happen to be the maid of honor in her wedding? If so, then it's completely appropriate for you to wear a different dress....just choose one similar in color and tell her that the dress simply does not fit...and you'd hate to embarrass her by "busting out" in her wedding photos! If it fit, wearing it for one night wouldn't be as bad, but the fact is, it doesn't fit....and bottom line is you can't wear it! If you're not the maid of honor, I'd do the same....if the other bridesmaid is the MOH then it's o-kay for her to have a different dress than you...you said there were only two, right? I think I'd even talk to the other bridesmaid and see if she is also willing to purchase her own dress and the two of you can go shopping with the bride to be....it's just rude to expect you to wear a dress that doesn't fit...regardless of what it looks like or how much it was/or wasn't. Good luck with this!

Answer 7

I can understand your frustration, and I can't get her hanging onto those horrible dresses like she is! Has she seen you in the dress? I'll assume the answer is that she has, and thinks you look good enough. The only thing I can suggest is take a pic of yourself in the dress and show it to her and point out that this is what the pix will look like forever! If she insists on the dress, I hope you realize SHE is the one who is going to look the fool, not you! I attended a wedding where the bridesmaids dresses were hideous, and everyone made fun of the bride behind her back for picking such stupid looking dresses! I know that sounds mean, but it happened. People understand the bridesmaid is just stuck in whatever garbage the bride picked, so its not like people would blame you.

Answer 8

Oh dear!

YES, it's frustrating when the bride chooses something that looks TERRIBLE on a bridesmaid - but, I'm afraid like others have said, that is part of the responsibility. I have a wardrobe full of dresses which range from too small, to not bad, to PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WEAR THAT!! And still I did - and am smiling in all the pictures.

Either you are going to be there for the bride, or not. It is your choice. If Grandma is a good seamstress, let her add panels. If you aren't sure, take the top to s professional - but I've had mixed results with letting things out - even with the pros.

As someone else said, don't let yourself feel humiliated - really, this ISN'T about you. Everyone will be looking at her in HER photos.

Answer 9

That is an awful situation, but it is her wedding. This day is not about you in any way even though it will be in pictures. It is the brides day. Think about how you would feel if one or your bridesmaids was talking bad about a decision you made for your big day?! If she wants to use these dresses either you wear it or back down from being in the wedding.
I would suggest taking the dress to a professional seamstress and have her try the panels (or maybe she has a different option).

Answer 10

I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated about this situation. I do not blame you for being frustrated and not wanting to wear it. I understand that you have tried talking to her about it, but has she seen you in the dress? I know that her grandmother is trying to resize it and hopefully after that is done, she will realize that the dress is not going to work. If you need to, talk to her mother or your future MIL for help. Perhaps if you all talk with her, you might be able to come up with a solution. I am currently looking for dresses for my bridesmaids and I can understand the frustration ... especially if you are busty on top. You are perfectly in the right for wanting to talk with her. If you feel that your chest is going to hang out, explain that to her and let her know that you don't want your chest to upstage her in her dress. She might reconsider if you go about this situation as you're trying to make her look better and take the focus off you. Some brides intentionally want the bridesmaids to look bad, which I don't know if that's the case here or not, and that's why they insist on certain dresses. I can understand that you're fine with wearing an ugly dress and your main concern is how it fits and the fact that it's too small. That's why I think if you approach the situation as though you're trying to make her look better by not having to worry about your chest hanging out, you might get a better response. And who knows, after the dress is taken out, she might realize that there's nothing that can be done to the dress and let you get a different one. I really hope things work out for you.