About a year ago, a girl from my church who I already somewhat disliked (but not hate) insulted me behind my back. i later found out about it from another friend. this made me so mad at her and even when the mutual friend told her she should apologize to me because her statement hurt me a lot, she refused. even now, a year later, i can't forgive her for what she said. when there's no mention of her and i forget about her, everything is fine, but when someone mentions her, i feel so resentful. the thing is that i have been a christian for so long and i know that i need to forgive her because God has forgiven me. i've even prayed to God to help me let go of what happened, but i still get those feelings of intense dislike. what can i do?
2007-04-17 04:07:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Forgiveness and un-forgiveness can be a difficult thing, we can all know the 'theory' taught in the Bible and indeed as Christians we need to forgive, but sometimes because of the war in us between the old and new person forgiveness can be extremely difficult, but when we harbour un-forgiveness as you will know the only person who suffers is you.
I have found that it helps greatly to constantly remind ourselves of what God has forgiven us and in the light of this any and all offences we suffer will quickly dwindle in comparison, they will become so small that they are not worth talking about. Of course this is in no way diminishing the need for God's grace in this situation.
If and once you can do this you will receive such a freedom you will not believe.
JB
2007-04-17 04:33:22 · answer #1 · answered by J B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Interesting how unforgiveness works: I want to forgive, but my feelings are hurt, and I just get mad again.
I like the suggestion by one person here, that you actually meet 1-on-1 with the girl. It's amazing how much gossip flies around, and then you find out later that the person you're mad at: never said those words at all, never meant that, or can't remember the incident ever happened.
You may find out that your middle-man-helper-friend that is spreading rumors back & forth, isn't such a friend afterall, and was either making it up, trying to make it more than it was, or just misunderstood.
In the mean time, unforgiveness is playing you for a fool--making you get all wound up about stuff over and over, when it could just be nothing.
Even if it turns out to be true, the person you're mad it may apologize to your face--and it's all done.
Or, maybe they did it & don't care.....
You've got to forgive them, and take care of your part with them & God. Then it's between God & them.....and HE will work it out--either the easy way, or the hard way.
[God's had to teach me things both ways, and the easy way is always much better--believe me!]
As long as you you cant forgive, the feelings and the situation have a hold on you, while God wants you to be free of this.
Blessings, as you work things out. Hopefully, you can not only get past this, but might even end up friends with the girl you're mad at.....you never know.
2007-04-17 07:32:15 · answer #2 · answered by Deacon Dan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are experiencing is what Paul notes as the war between the Flesh and the Spirit. This is not a bad thing. This is just the enemy trying to get your eyes off of Jesus and on to yourself and how you were wronged. Your doctrine in this matter is sound. Yes, you forgive because Christ has forgiven you. But how do you convince your mind to let it go? You do this by doing something against your flesh. You pray for her every time you think of her. Also, use that moment of remembering to praise Jesus. When the enemy sees that all the remembering does is incite praise, the thoughts will disappear in very short time. I know, I have had some terrible wrongs perpetrated on me. The only ones who suffered were those that excused what they did. Their sins remain because the offense went unrepented. This hinders prayer. So for me, keeping the line open between myself and the Lord is far more important than puny offenses.
2007-04-17 04:21:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You know that you need to forgive her because God has forgiven you. Review in your mind the things you have done that weren't right. How can God forgive you for that? Yet He did. His only Son even came to die to save you from the results of your actions. Is what this person done worse than what you've done? No. Maybe you can try to replace your anger with pity for this person. She evidently doesn't know God as she should, and that is definitely something to pity her for.
I've always found that replacing an emotion with another emotion really helps.
2007-04-17 04:19:31 · answer #4 · answered by V 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can still dislike her and resent her as a Christan and a human being and yet forgive the statement she made.
You don't have to be her friend. You don't have to like her. You just have to get past what she did to you....not for her sake but for your own peace of mind.
You don't know what's going on in her head, or what caused her to make the insulting statement...and you might never know.
There could be a lot things that motivated her to do that, and even if she sat down and explained all the reasons why....it might still not make sense to you.
Forgiving somebody isn't saying, "What you did to me is okay."
It's more like, "What you did was pretty crappy; whatever your reasons were for doing it I probably don't understand, but I can still get past it without understanding it and get on with my life."
2007-04-17 04:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by biiiiaaach 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You pray for her. It is very difficult to hold a grudge against someone that you are praying for. And don't pray that God will "get even with her" for you. Pray for her health, her spiritual walk, her family, her needs, etc. Anything that you can think of to pray for her benefit; do it. God honors this type of prayer. If God decides that she is unworthy of receiving the blessings which you are praying for on her account, those blessings will be granted to you for your prayers.
2007-04-17 04:14:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You will find that if you act out forgiveness, you will start to feel forgiveness. It is the same as if you are in an unhappy mood. If you try to act happy, you will feel happy.
2007-04-17 10:30:13 · answer #7 · answered by Freedom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried actually talking to this girl yourself?
And after a year, its time to let it go. Its a bit childish.
And really, what are words from someone you don't like? Mere words to be brushed off like ash that has fallen on your shoulder.
Do you still remember the ash after having brushed it off? No.
2007-04-17 05:15:08 · answer #8 · answered by Humanist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard but.......you do have to somehow let it go and give it over to God fully
Remember the story of the unforgiving servant in scripture? We do need to forgive.....not neccesarily forget though.
2007-04-17 04:10:40 · answer #9 · answered by primoa1970 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By Grace.
How can we dare not forgive when Jesus and the saint before us forgave and they were martyred?
Jesus told us that if we do not forgive neither will we be forgiven.
2007-04-17 04:18:52 · answer #10 · answered by 1saintofGod 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋