Searching for adopted child?

Question

A close friend of mine gave a child up for adoption almost 40 years ago. She had no choice in the matter and has always loved him and thought about him. However, with his best interests in mind, she has never searched for him. Now that he is certainly an adult, and she is getting older, she would very much like to locate him. She never had any other children. She has only the most basic information: date-of-birth, place, etc. Adoptions were very secretive when he was placed. Has anyone else done this? How would you advise her to proceed? I am trying my best to assist her. At his age, her son can certainly make up his own mind as to whether he wants to know her.

Answer 1

Best of luck to you and your friend in search. I don't know what state she surrendered in, so I can only direct you to broad general searches. If you would like to send me a note with the state, I'll be able to point you further.


First off, if you haven't done so already, she should register at ISSR in the chance anyone is searching for her. You can find the ISRR website FAQs at

http://www.isrr.net/faq.shtml

Also, she can register here as it is a pretty popular site.

http://registry.adoption.com/

She should also register at any state run reunion registries if available. She'll also need to file waivers of confidentiality and check the the laws of the state the adoption took place in. This site has a state by state listing.. and laws.

http://local.reunion.adoption.com/



Realize though that these registries are not well publicized, so many people don't know about them. She should prepare herself that she may register with every site there is and still not come up with a match. Don't think that's because someone doesn't want to find her! It may well be because they simply don't know about the registries.

Because of this, be sure she has a good support base of other first moms and adoptees to help. There are a number of good online support groups, but you're going to want to find one specialized for your state, as each state has different challenges. She can try going to Yahoo groups and searching for adoption plus the state you live in to get a listing.

I'm a Baby Scoop Era adoptee, just like her son, and if she hasn't read it already, "The Girls Who Went Away" by Anne Fessler is a fantastic book that I think she'll find very validating and healing. The author's website is at

http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/


There's a lot to go over here, and there are more tips in the link below. This is a huge free ebook on searching.

http://www.ultimatesearchbook.com/

Good luck!

Answer 2

Hi! I'm not sure what country you are living in so things may be done differently if your're not living in the Uk like me. I'm adopted and got in touch with my biological mother 5 years ago. The way I did it was to contact the agency I was adopted through (in my case, Adopt Anglia) they were really helpful and were able to assist in me making contact. From the way I understand it I don't think at that point there was much a biological parent could do to contact their child except for join an adoption register. This is where they complete their own details and as much as they know about their child and if the child decides to locate them and he/she looks on the register then the details will already be there. However, your friend needs to remember that 1. Her son may be blissfully unaware that he is adopted. 2. He may not want to have contact with her.
Children that adopted (whatever the circumstances) often feel very unwanted and unworthy (even though their adoptive parents have given them everything and all the love in the world) and he may not feel that meeting her is the right thing for him. - I'm not trying to put your friend off but she needs to be aware of these possibilities.
Certainly urge your friend to contact the agency or if she doesn't know it then any angency as they will be able to advise her on the best way to proceed. Good luck! :0)

Answer 3

It amazes me when these children start searching as soon as they know their adopted. I used to believe that look if they gave you up they aren't worth looking for but there has come to light now that alot of these mothers/fathers who gave their children up had no other option. They look for them for a sense of belonging even though they may have been raised happy, healthy and educated there is this feeling like somethings missing and if they could just find it they would be fulfilled. Sadly that is not the outcome most of the time.

Answer 4

Well, I would first suggest trying to locate the adoption center, she should at least be able to get the name of the folks that adopted him, it can be really hard to find a person like this. She can put up ads on the internet, such as searching for a boy born on ?/?/?? at this location...and such and see if there are any hits on it like that, or she can contact any local adoption agency and ask them what she might be able to do, or what steps she needs to take, also, as a last resort, she could hire a private detective.

Answer 5

You should tell your friend that her son may have already put his name and information in the database from the agency hoping that she would be looking for him. Adopted children are always wanting to connect with there biological parents, but have the fear of rejection and with her information out there, it shows she will be a positive response. Good luck.

Answer 6

Im sorry Joyce, but this is for "Blaster"!
To start with, God doesnt kill anyone!
He does however give people a brain to use, we are suppose to protect the small ones, the teachers or adults should of been smart enough to get the children inside to protect them, instead of letting them play in high winds. I will also put you in my prayers.

Answer 7

You might have/help her try the site listed below.