I thought this was rude and it has left me with a bad taste in my mouth--you just don't DEMAND that someone bestow an honor on you. This (along with a couple other minor incidents of a similar nature) is bugging me to the point that I see his brother as needy and bratty; I don't even want to be around him. Ultimately it is my fiancee's decision to choose his own best man, however, I have been to several weddings where the best man is the groom's best friend or father, not automatically his brother just because he has one. I have discussed this with my fiancee and I'm not quite sure how to resolve my feelings. Now he is inviting himself to come visit us for several days based on his convenience (he wants us to rearrange our schedules accordingly, take time off from work, entertain him, etc.) rather than visit around a holiday or a particular activity/event. I don't want it to become a 'him or me' situation, but I don't know how to feel comfortable around his brother anymore. Help!
2007-04-17 01:21:17 · 14 answers · asked by °ĠיִяĿỵ° 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His brother is younger (upper mid 20s). He wasn't as needy when we lived closer. I told my fiancee that I would prefer if the two of them would make specific plans for some activities because I don't plan on entertaining him.
2007-04-17 01:38:24 · update #1
...while my fiancee is at work.
2007-04-17 05:22:09 · update #2
tell the brother straight up, to:
pull his head in, and that your fiancee will make the decision himself..
2007-04-17 01:30:10 · answer #1 · answered by HJ_Galant_ Boy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In this case, I feel that it is your fiancee that should put a stop to this the sooner the better and when you get married remember you marry him not his family so if his brother insists on his actions after your wedding it will be your turn to let him know that you feel uncomfortable with all his requests and that you have a home to sustain and it is hard for you to be taking time off work to attend his everyday needs.
2007-04-17 01:29:42 · answer #2 · answered by Maybelline S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember sugar, nobody can take advantage of you unless you give them permission!
DO NOT let this person dictate what is going to happen with your schedules, let alone YOUR wedding. Obviously he is used to pushing people in his family around and keeps doing it because no one ever says anything to him about his attitude.
I truly believe it's all in the way you go about it. I would calmly have a conference call with said brother, you, and your fiancee. You need to calmly explain to him that YOU are making ALL decisions about your wedding and are very surprised and disappointed that a family member would "threaten" you regarding who will be his best man. This is not a pageant - this is a role for someone deserving to stand next to your future husband during your wedding, not someone who demands to be there "or else". Or else what? Perhaps you should ask him what the "or else" means! Empty threat in my book!
As for his insisting that you rearrange your life to accommodate his visits, I STONGLY encourage you AND your fiancee to make it perfectly clear that although he is more than welcome to come visit you, but neither one of you will be able to change your work schedules to that time, so another time will have to do and YOU will let him know when he is welcome to come visit. Make sure the ball is in your court!
Take a stand with this one now. You will set the tone for the years to come, and he will know for a fact that he is not going to run your lives.
I would also have a very serious talk with your fiancee and let him know that this is something that is bothering you so much that you are asking for outside advice. His brother is putting you in a very awkward position and he should not stand for it. You are going to be his wife and he needs to ALWAYS be willing to stick up for your wishes...yes over those of his family. YOU are going to be his immediate family now. Period, end!
2007-04-17 01:39:11 · answer #3 · answered by PrincessOfFun35 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to sit down with your fiancee now and talk about this. Don't make it a 'him or me' issue, but do make your feelings known about how rude and inconsiderate his brother is being. Believe me you don't want to let this continue or he will get worse.
If the brother is inviting himself to visit.... just flat out tell him it's inconvenient for him to visit now and he's going to have to wait until you both have time to entertain him. You don't mention whether this is a younger or older brother but he sounds like a spoiled brat to me.
2007-04-17 01:34:38 · answer #4 · answered by sierra33ok 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him it's your wedding and you will make the decisions. However if he won't be in the wedding because he can't do what he want's thats his loss, not yours. Weddings are stressful enough without having to put up with that nonsense ! Tell him to "suit himself" and line up another best man. No one "Or Elses" me. Forget him ! He's trying to control you and give you an ultimatium. Don't fall for that crap!
2007-04-23 10:26:01 · answer #5 · answered by JBWPLGCSE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, what a sticky situation.
I would let your fiance make up his mind alone without your input. It's best for your not to get involved or try to voice your opinion on this one. Is his decision, his brother, let HIM handle it. Imagine if it your fiance was making decisions over your bridesmaids or sisters... see my point?
About the entretaining part, I would compromise on that one. Put a big smile on your face and embrace the fact that you are going to become his family too. You don't want to start things with you oposing to him coming over or avoiding him while visiting.
Let the boys go our on their own and have fun, but be a gracious hostess and indulge them with dinner and conversation and maybe one outing with them.
Best of luck and CONGRATULATIONS on your upcoming wedding.
PS/ Thank you for your response on my question. I was quite throughrough and informative and I appretiate your input. : )
2007-04-17 03:01:02 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
thats up to your fiancee who he wants to be best man, and in the future when he does decide to visit and you 2 have to work or have other plans just tell him! He's one of those you just have to say "look here!"
2007-04-17 02:27:11 · answer #7 · answered by Lace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have said "or else what" as well.
If you both don't want him to be best man, then someone else will.
Personally, if he had that attitude, I'd either not have him as a best man or not in the wedding party at all.
2007-04-17 02:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your fiance wishes to rearrange his schedule and be ruled by his younger brother, but if it was me. I would take time off when I wanted to, now when my soon to be bil demanded it!
2007-04-20 09:41:19 · answer #9 · answered by hey_there_heathe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe dad inlaw can be best man? Tell Bro its not his wedding and that wify calls the shots, what wify wants wify gets and that final!
2007-04-24 23:04:50 · answer #10 · answered by taa daa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋