help with 6yr old who is very angry!!?

Question

My son has alot of anger issues, He throws things punches walls, kicks walls, screams at the top of his lungs, but only when he is at home. At school they can't say enough good things about him, but when he gets home if I put the wrong breakfast in front of him he starts screaming and slamming things. Timeouts don't work, he is to old and I really just want to beat him when he does this. I am losing my patience and my mind, any disipling ideas that might work to get him to stop? I have tried reasoning with him, taking things and priviladges away I just don't know anymore......

Answer 1

Not only does he need to get some guidance but so do you to handle this. I am in Canada and I know of places that are outreach programs to children and parents and teach them SNAP. Stop now and Plan. It gives the child the tools to take the right actions for their feelings, and also the parents. Let's face it when you have had enough really what comes out is usually yelling out of lack of patience. It also gives the child someone else to talk to about why they feel this way, and are acting out this way. Talk to someone right away. Take deep breaths....sometimes we all need help with things.

Answer 2

There are many causes for oppositional/defiant behaviors. First and foremost, he needs to be evaluated by a professional.

Secondly, no matter how much it pains you to do it - stick with time out. 6 years old is NOT too old for time out. You state the behavior that is not acceptable as to why he is going to time out - even if he's screaming, you state it calmly. A minute per year of the age of the child. If he leaves the time out area, without saying a word - you take him right back to it. Absolutely, put some structure in place.

Basically, you are not in control of your son, he is in control of you. If he doesn't like what is served for breakfast - then he goes without. He won't starve - when he gets hungry he'll eat. You're caught up in a power play and your son is winning. So he screams at the top of his lungs. That is unacceptable behavior and a temper tantrum - don't give into it - you remove him to the timeout area. And be consistent - no exceptions.

Consequences need to be as immediate as possible - otherwise it is difficult for the child to connect the consequences to his behavior. That being said, the first time he slams something - immediately put him in time out. The first time he hits a wall, immediately put him in time out. And every time he leaves before his time is up, you put him right back and start that timer all over again.

In addition to having your son evaluated, I would further recommend that you explore parenting classes.

Children don't verbalize when things are bothering them - they act out. And from what you have described of your son's behavior, he's getting the wrong kind of attention and that is what is being rewarded.

Additionally - when he does something well, or has a good day - reward him! Praise, special treats - that sort of thing. Focus on changing one behavior at a time. And pick your battles. It's too easy to get caught up in a cycle to where everything becomes an issue and before you know it, nothing is going well.

Answer 3

mmmm, well it might be a good idea to go to a counselor. But i'm wondering about something. You say he is good at school, but is set off very easily at home from the smallest thing. I'm wondering if maybe there is something about school that he doesn't like. Maybe he holds in his anger and upset all day in school, because it is not socially acceptable to have a temper tantrum in the presence of one's peers and teachers. Then when he gets home, he feels like he cant take it anymore, and any little thing that goes wrong at home, is the last straw, and he explodes. Just a theory. Perhaps when he is calm, you should have a nice talk with him about school. Ask him calmly and open mindedly how he feels about school. How does he like his teachers? His classes? His classmates? Talk to him at a time that he is really paying attention to the conversation- not when he is distracted doing something else. Maybe when he goes to bed at night, you can sit on his bed and talk to him before he goes to sleep. That is good quiet time. If he just brushes you off with "yes yes, fine fine, okay okay..." you may consider having the conversation again another time. Make sure he knows that your not judging him for his answers. But also keep it cheerful so he doesn't think that YOU think there might be a problem. You dont want to create a problem if there isn't one. Also, no school is perfect. If he says he's not crazy about one of his teachers or something, that doesn't necessarily mean that is why he acts this way at home. Nobody has the perfect life in school. You are looking for things that are REALLY bothering him.

Answer 4

I have to ask, is there any anger in your home? Constant fighting, etc. You know the saying that monkeys do what monkey sees. Well it applies with children. Has there been a separation or divorce? There could be a few things that are factoring your childs anger. He may be angry at you. Something happend to make him so anger. Have you tried sitting him down and talking to him. Use teddy bears for the conversation. Another words make the teddy talk. It may make him feel less defensive and help him open up. OR
I know at times my children give me a hard time, but you take them to other peoples houses; I was always told how good they are and how well they listen. I always thought people were lying to me, cause they can be such little buggers at home. I believe its because our children will try and push us to see how far they can get away with. Its easier to do with a parent. Weird I know. Take care I hope you find all the answers your needing.

Answer 5

well it's seems that he's angry for a reason...and anything you do makes him more angry..
you can try to ignore him..and leave him to do what he wants..but first you have to tell him..if he acts like that all the time...you will give him no food..and you will not care..leave him a few hours...and ignore him like he's not in the room..
if you can;t do this..well than you have to send him to his hranparents..or somewhere, where he;s not with you..
let him think you don't care..
he will feel bad even though he is 6 years old..
they know how to manipulate people at this age..i have a cousin like this..and everytime he gets angry..his mother tells me to ignore him..and is always working..
good luck!
p.s.:don't worry he will grow up..and he will understand sooner or later

Answer 6

by the sounds of it he is trying you
are there any probs in your house or do other people undermind you in front of him
i to have a six year old and believe me she tried the same but i sat her down and asked her out right what was going on
she now has opened up and things are getting better

Answer 7

ha ha ha, the same problem i faced & give them options of collecting points. something good will fetch + points, anything bad will give - ve points. At the end of the week if points are at 50 level, they will get gift, at 100 Burgur, & at 150 one complete day outing, today it worked very well may be in future. gifts could be of his most likings

Answer 8

First take him to the doctor....make sure nothing physically is wrong. Then take him to a counselor. God bless you because you are trying--it's so hard to be a parent these days!

Answer 9

Did you let him see how angry you get when he acts like this? I would even suggest you heat him (not very hard though) when he starts acting like mad.

Answer 10

Yeah, take him to a counselor.